Change Is a Comin'....

Since my last post on fear, as I predicted, I've continued to struggle with worry and doubt and fear on some level.  I've continued to struggle to choose to see the good rather than worry about what could go wrong.  I suspect that it will always be something that I struggle with in some way.  But I'm getting better, and God is proving faithful each and every time I cry out to Him.  And I'm going to need that assurance of faithfulness in the coming days...

Since I made it official this week, I guess I can share my news!  I am taking the biggest leap of faith I've ever made in my life.  I am quitting my current job in the middle of July and am going into private practice with my music therapy colleague, Nicole.  We are both getting certified in Kindermusik and hope to offer both Kindermusik classes and music therapy services to families on the coast.  I am very excited and completely overwhelmed at this opportunity at this point in my life!  It couldn't have come at a better time.  I will be done with graduate classes in February and then plan on moving to the beach (or at least in close proximity).  And all this means a big change is coming for my life...

Change is normally something I'm scared of.  I am a person who likes routine and likes to know what to expect and what is going on.  I'm not a huge fan of surprises.  And when I am aware that change is coming, I plan like crazy.  However, with this endeavor, I'm not afraid.  And I'm pretty sure it's because I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that this is the path I was meant to follow.  Some of my long standing dreams are coming true.

I turn 40 this year.  And I'm actually excited about that.  And I'm excited that all this change is happening in conjunction with that event.  God has placed people in my life and allowed situations in my life to guide me right where He wants me to be.  I don't have it all figured out by any means!  But I know and trust the One who does.  I used to view 40 as this "old" age or that if I hadn't reached all my dreams by then, life would be over.  But I'm finding just the opposite to be true.  I'm finding that I have confidence and motivation now that I didn't even have five years ago.  If you would have told me 10 years ago that this is how things would turn out, I would have laughed at you.  And then I probably would have wondered why it couldn't happen sooner.  But I can say that, had any single event or person been different, my life wouldn't be heading down this path.  God has planned each and every moment...beyond my expectation and imagination.

So at almost 40, here I am basically starting over, so to speak.  I've never been one to follow the "normal" road of life.  No marriage, 3.5 kids and the white picket fence all by 30.  The thought of getting married or having a child after 40?  Never in a million years would I have said I would be ok with that.  But now?  I am totally open to that and actually excited about the possibility.  (And let me make a disclaimer...No I don't have any immediate plans to do either before anyone reads anything into that or gets all excited...but God knows what His plans are concerning those things, and I trust Him that He will give me those desires of my heart.)  I've always been a late bloomer, and I've always marched to the beat of my own drum.  And I've always been my own individual.  Not to say there haven't been bumps along the way or that I haven't gotten discouraged.  However, I can look back at all of that and know that for my life to be turning out like it is now is very fitting and very "me."  And I wouldn't change a thing!  I still don't have all the answers, but I have a peace that I will get each answer I need at the appropriate time.  

Due to a few situations that were allowed into my life, I made the decision back in May to begin looking into other work options.  Long story short, in the matter of a week's time, I looked into Kindermusik, found an educator on the coast that needed another educator to help teach and registered to begin training.  Then the next week, I met with her and ended up having lunch with some other friends...which then turned into a discussion about private practice.  And since that time, each and every week (sometimes daily), opportunity after opportunity, lead after lead, open door after open door has been placed in my path.  I cannot even explain it or comprehend it.  I could not have planned any of this if I tried.  However, as I was told by a very wise man, "sometimes it's not about our plans."  And that is so true.  And now a month and a half after my initial decision, I am about to jump head first into private practice with Nicole and am making plans to move in the next 8 to 10 months.  So different from what my initial plan was when I moved to Hattiesburg...but exactly what I need and want to do.  Again, not my plan but His.

I have long had the dream of starting my own private practice.  And I have always wanted to work with children.  And I am now seeing those dreams becoming reality.  God just took me down a different road than I thought I would take to get to this point.  But I wouldn't change a thing.  If one single thing had been different, there are some very wonderful experiences I would have missed and some very special people I may have never met.  So I'm thankful that it's taken this long.  Never thought I'd say that!  But I'm learning that trusting God also means trusting His timing and His attention to each and every detail in my life.

There are other dreams I have for my personal life...dreams I've waited long for.  But dreams that I can see God working out.  Details that He's putting into place.  Changes He's making in me, to grow me and make me into the woman I need to be for what He has planned.  Things I could not have ever planned or imagined.  Things that have blown my mind because it is so far beyond and better than anything I could have asked for.  But, again, "sometimes it's not about our plans."  Now, I have no idea how things will turn out, but I'm hopeful.  And I know that regardless of the outcome, God will still remain faithful and will still provide all I need.  

I have no idea what the next year will bring.  I'm sure it will be full of very high highs and possibly some very low lows.  I know that I have a lot of hard work ahead of me and possibly some lean times.  But I know that I can't wait to see what God has in store!  I know that He has placed some amazing people in my life who have been so encouraging and supportive and have threatened to hurt me if I don't pursue this.  A close circle of a few who I know will have my back no matter what happens.  And with that and God by my side, how can I not jump wildly into this adventure?!

So as 40 approaches, I am embracing the changes that are coming.  I am embracing this path that God has so lovingly laid out for me step by step.  I know the changes that He has done in me, and I'm so thankful for His patience as I navigate through those.  That same wise man who told me it wasn't about our plans also told me not to look back and to embrace the future.  And that is just what I intend to do.  Embracing the changes....

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a future and a hope."  - What better promise can you rest on?