tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19877289507351292012024-02-07T22:05:24.312-05:00Expectant HopeThis is a blog containing thoughts and ideas about life and things that God has shown me over the years. I hope it is uplifting and will cause you to think and draw closer to the Father.Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-74979736551243874082016-08-05T12:08:00.000-05:002016-08-05T12:08:02.971-05:00Mountains Will Be Thrown Into the SeaWhat if? An age old question we all ask from time to time. I've been asking it a lot lately. Especially this week. I've known that my faith has grown through this journey I've been on these past few months. I've seen God work in ways I never dreamed possible. I've learned to see and hear Him in the simplest of things each day. I've had people all over the country praying and agreeing with me for healing. But this week, He's been stirring my heart. In a way unlike ever before. It's exciting and hopeful. But it also scares me to death. What if He is taking me to higher place, increasing my faith even more than I can even fathom? The word "miracle" is even floating around in my head and heart. And even as I type this, I have tears of hope welling up in my eyes. Which has happened a lot this week!<br />
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Yesterday Marlee and Nana came over to visit for awhile. And we had such an interesting conversation about the things of God and trust and how we have to learn to hear and see Him every day. Marlee brought up something that happened after I was first diagnosed. My dad and my best friends were here, and there had just been a rainstorm. All of sudden the rain stopped, and Marlee told us to go look outside. And when we went outside, there was the clearest double rainbow!<br />
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I broke down in tears. I was unable to contain my emotions in that moment. It was the first in a number of ways that God has spoken peace to my heart over the past few months. It was like God was reminding me of His promises. And I had a peace I was going to be ok and this cancer wasn't going to kill me. And in the months since, God has confirmed over and over to me through a variety of ways that He has some work for me still to do here on this earth.</div>
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And this morning my cousin, Elaine, posted something to my Facebook wall that reminded me I was in good company. The Bible is full of stories of people who God used despite the gravest of circumstances to do His work. To lead His people. To speak peace or healing or whatever was needed. In 2 Kings 20 we find the story of Hezekiah. If you look back in Chapters 18 and 19, you see that Hezekiah was the King of Judah. He was a good man. The Bible tells us he did what was right in the eyes of the Lord, he trusted in the Lord, he admitted when he was wrong, he cried out before the Lord in his distress, he sought God in prayer, and he saw God deliver His people. He was a faithful servant of God. However, he became ill. He came before God and made his case. He reminded God (not that God needs reminding...this is more to remind us of where God has been faithful before and that He will be faithful again) that he had served Him faithfully and wept bitterly. After this prayer, God spoke to Isaiah and told him to go tell Hezekiah that He had heard his prayer and seen his tears. (What a sweet gift from our Father! In the middle of Hezekiah's deep despair, God pauses to tell him He hears and sees Him.) He then tells him that he will add 15 years to his life. And He healed him. </div>
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Isaiah 38 also tells the story of Hezekiah's illness but includes a writing that he wrote during his illness and healing. In this writing we see the depth of Hezekiah's pain and despair. And as I read it, I see some familiar phrases and thoughts that I've voiced to God myself on many occasions. And I see some phrases and thoughts I hope I will be voicing in the coming days. Verses 16 - 20 say, "You restored me to health and let me live. Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back. For the grave cannot praise you, death cannot sing your praise; those who go down into the pit cannot hope for your faithfulness. The living, the living - they praise you, as I am doing today; parents tell their children about your faithfulness. The LORD will save me, and we will sing with stringed instruments all the days of our lives in the temple of the LORD." This passage kind of breaks down into two parts for me...one I've already come to know and one I hope to come to know very soon.</div>
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In the past months, I've come to be able to say that it has been for my benefit that I have cancer. Now, I know that sounds totally counterintuitive to human thinking. Thankful for cancer?! Yep! I'm not saying that I like it. But I'm learning to be thankful. My faith has grown. I've met people I never would have met. I have a boldness I've never had for sharing Jesus. I could go on and on, but that's a post for another day...</div>
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But here's the cool and exciting part that also has me scared to death. In a good way. The first verse in this passage... "You restored me to health and let me live." And that is where my question "what if" and that word "miracle" come in to play. I trust God. Make no mistake about that. I've seen Him do things only He can do. I've experienced Him in a way I never dreamed. I've tolerated chemo way better than the doctors said I would...like WAY better. Like not normal. I've seen the cancer on my tongue all but disappear after just 3 rounds of chemo. I've had "Gizmo" on my neck that baffles the doctors and nurses who apparently have not seen anything like it before. (Yes, I named my wound on my neck...I'm fun like that!) I'm believing that it is God's way of allowing the cancer cells to leave my body. And all of that has been miraculous on its own. But what if I dare to believe like never before? Has all of that been baby steps leading up to a bigger miracle? </div>
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My dad posted a verse on Facebook earlier this week that I shared and that keeps coming back to my mind. Matthew 21:21-22 says, "Jesus replied, 'Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Throw a mountain into a sea?! Well, if Jesus said it can be done, it can be done. See, I view my cancer as my mountain. And as I've thought of that verse this week, I pause and pray that God will take this mountain and cast it into the sea. And I know He is able! I can see all the ways He has been chipping away at this mountain in the past few months. Could it be He is preparing it to be cast into the depths of the sea? I hope so. I believe so. Even though it makes no human sense. Even though it makes no medical sense. I have had a feeling the past few days that God is working more than every before. And that He is going to be working up until the moment I enter that PET scan tube Monday morning. And I'm expecting to see great things. I want to say I'm expecting a miracle...but that scares me. And that is my doubt. But Jesus said that I had to have faith and not doubt. So my prayer has become like the man who asked Jesus to heal his son. In Mark 9:23-24 Jesus tells the man that everything is possible to the one who believes. And the man responds in an interesting way. He says "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" What? How can he say I believe and then ask for Jesus to help him overcome his unbelief? The same way I say I believe He can do the miracle but that I'm scared to believe. So my prayer is for Him to help my unbelief...to take away all doubt so that I can believe without doubting. Our Father is so loving. He knows how frail and weak we are. And He offers faith and strength where ours falters. </div>
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I've been listening to the new album Love Remains by Hillary Scott and the Scott Family. If you have not gotten it, go get it! It is written out of a personal pain Hillary experienced. And the songs minister to me in my pain. Anyway... There is a song on the album called "Still." The song talks about how God is already parting waters and MOVING MOUNTAINS for me...all He asks of me is to be still. And I realize that the moving of the mountain has nothing do with my ability to move it. It will move because HE moves it. My job is to trust, believe and not doubt. Father, I believe; help my unbelief! </div>
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So that brings me back to what if. What if God works a miracle Monday morning that leaves us all speechless? What if I dare to believe? He can do it. I know He can. I know He has a plan for me beyond cancer. I know it's not time for me to go Home to Heaven. He has spoken that to my heart from the beginning. I've already seen Him building a ministry for me to do for years to come. And I've seen Him work miracles before! Before I was born, my Mema was diagnosed with cancer on her nose. However, she believed He could move the mountain. Her church family anointed her with oil and prayed for her and she was healed. No trace of cancer. And God blessed her with many more years before she passed away from breast cancer. My own mother was a walking miracle! She lived a lot longer than humanly and medically possible with all of her health issues. But she believed God could move the mountain. And now it's my turn. I believe God can move this mountain! Now, I also know that His purpose and ways are higher than mine. And He may choose to heal me using more treatment and surgery. Maybe He will continue to chip away at the mountain piece by piece rather than all at once. And that doesn't make it any less miraculous! No matter the method of the healing, it is still a miracle. </div>
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But I'm going to be brave and believe and trust like never before that He is going to move my mountain into the depths of the sea Monday... What if? I'm choosing to be still... And believe. And to say with Hezekiah, "You restored me to health and let me live. Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back. For the grave cannot praise you, death cannot sing your praise; those who go down into the pit cannot hope for your faithfulness. The living, the living - they praise you, as I am doing today; parents tell their children about your faithfulness. The LORD will save me, and we will sing with stringed instruments all the days of our lives in the temple of the LORD."</div>
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Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-74687982395874242342016-07-25T16:16:00.000-05:002016-07-25T16:16:05.595-05:00The Healer of Body and Soul"I see shattered, You see whole<br />
I see broken, You see beautiful<br />
And You're helping me to believe<br />
That You're restoring me piece by piece.<br />
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What was dead, now lives again<br />
My heart's beating, beating inside my chest<br />
Oh, I'm coming alive with joy and destiny<br />
'Cause You're restoring me piece by piece<br />
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There's nothing too dirty<br />
That You can't make worthy<br />
You wash me in Mercy<br />
I am clean<br />
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Washed in the blood of Your sacrifice<br />
Your blood flowed red and made me white<br />
My dirty rags are purified<br />
I am clean."<br />
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These lyrics are from one of my newest favorite songs, "Clean," by Natalie Grant. I had heard bits of it before. But a couple of weeks ago, as I was sitting in the car while Daddy ran in to pick up my medicines at the drug store, it came on. And I was able to listen to it completely. Wow! What a powerful song. I have had the chorus singing over and over in my head. I've listened to it, I'm sure, no less than 100 times since that day. And I'm hoping to sing it in church when I'm able to share my testimony...which will hopefully be soon. Which would be wonderful! I haven't been able to sing due to my tongue in months. Months!!! That has been so very difficult because I love to sing. But I'm thankful because when something you love is taken away, you develop a new found appreciation for it. And now I cherish that ability more than every before. But I digress...that is not the focus of this post.<br />
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As I've been reflecting on these lyrics over the past couple of weeks, God has spoken to my heart and shown me how, for me, this song has a dual meaning and purpose. First of all it so aptly applies to my cancer battle. The verses..."I see shattered, You see whole. I see broken, You see beautiful. What was dead, now lives again. My heart's beating inside my chest. Oh, I'm coming alive with joy and destiny. You're restoring me piece by piece." All of this describes how I have felt on this journey. I see a body that is so broken. So shattered. So covered with scars and tubes and ports. I have lost my hair, my skin is flaking off, and while I'm loving the weight loss, I've not enjoyed the loss of muscle and muscle tone which leaves my skin hanging. I don't see whole and beautiful when I look in the mirror. But God sees what I could be and what He intends for me to be. And what I will be when I'm healed. And I can see the dead coming to life. I am full of joy and destiny. And He IS restoring my body piece by piece. I can see a tongue that was almost covered with cancer and folded over now almost looking normal. In fact, I just took my first actual bite of food without having to pinch it off first! I see tumors in my neck shrinking and going away. Isaiah 53: 5 says, "He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed." The filthiness of this cancer in my body and the poison of the chemo that is killing the good along with bad...He will purify. He will wash my body clean of the cancer cells and of the chemo meds after they have done their job. He will heal the wounds from the tubes and ports. And hopefully He will keep me from needing surgery. But if not, He will heal me from that, too. Nothing is too dirty or hard for him. He is restoring me and making me clean and healthy.<br />
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But there is a second, and more important, part to the meaning of these lyrics. And that is that God is healing the cancer of my soul. And of your soul. See, our lives become cancerous with sin. I could list a bunch, but I won't You know the areas with which you struggle. I know my difficult areas. What may be easy for me to avoid may be your Achilles' heel. What you can pass without a second glance, I can't help but be consumed by. Our bodies, even if they are healthy physically, are eaten up with the cancer of sin. Even if you think you live a "good life"...which let's get real...no one leads a good life. The Bible says in Romans 3:10-12, "As it is written: "There is none righteous, no, not one; There is none who understands; There is none who seeks after God. They have all turned aside; They have together become unprofitable; There is none who does good, no, not one." So no matter how many times we sit in church or give to the poor or share love with others, we are still as filthy rags before Him. Those acts are good! And we should do those and so much more. But we are born with a desire to do evil. It's the great human experience...good vs. evil. And it is a lifelong struggle to do what is right in His sight. But no matter how much we try, we can never do the right thing 100% of the time. But God...<br />
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But God... this has become one of my favorite phrases from the Bible in the past year. I've got a whole other post about my "But God" moments through this...I started on it a month ago, but haven't gotten very far. But it will come soon. Anyway... I digress. (Chemo brain...the struggle is real!) See, we can bring before God every filthy dirty rag. All our sin. And there is nothing in ourselves to do anything about that. But God! God can. And did. Through the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus, we CAN be made clean. No matter what you bring to Him to make clean, He can and will do it. We simply have to be willing to humble ourselves and bring it to Him. Unashamed. And He will meet us with grace and mercy and clean us. Yes, there are times He disciplines us. My parents definitely did their share of disciplining me growing up. But discipline is always with the purpose of correction and growing us into the person He desires us to be. It can be hard and difficult to bear. I sure didn't like those spankings when I was younger. But I'm thankful my parents did it! It has made me into the responsible woman I am today. It has enabled me to think of others before myself and to serve God. However, something God never comes at us with is shame and condemnation. Romans 8:1 says, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." See? He never looks on you with condemnation. No matter how ugly the sin. When we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, He cleanses us from head to toe, inside and out with His blood. So that means that when God looks at us, He sees He's perfect holy Son. That precious blood makes the ugly cancer of our souls clean and whole. We have been washed in the blood of His sacrifice. And there's no cleaner feeling than knowing you have been washed in that blood and can have no fear to stand before God one day. <br />
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Jesus is the Healer of both body and soul. I know God is healing me of this nasty cancer. I can see evidence of it daily. And I know He is constantly healing my soul of the ugly cancer of sin. I can see evidence of that daily, too. And if I get to the point that I don't see evidence of it and others stop seeing evidence of it, I need to get away and alone with Him and ask Him to show me where I need to confess sin and draw close to Him. <br />
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I'm so thankful that He is restoring me piece by piece. Sometimes that process is so very slow! But God knows the best timing and way to heal us. So I'll trust Him for the details. And I'll allow Him to wash me clean both inside and out, body and soul!<br />
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I'm almost done with chemo for the day and "get" to go home on my pump for the week. I'm already started to feel tired and weak. But that means it's working! Please pray for me this week to be able to keep the nausea to a minimum and to be able to eat a little something each day. And for me not to have severe bowel issues like I usually do at the end of chemo week...sorry, but just keeping it real! God is even concerned with our bowels! It's Biblical! Lamentations 1:20 says, " Behold, O Lord; for I am in distress: my bowels are troubled;" Just keeping it real! But seriously, I do covet your prayers and know they are working! The progress I'm seeing is more than what chemo can do. What a might God we serve! <br />
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<br />Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-75493659198089519572015-03-22T15:45:00.000-05:002015-03-22T15:52:31.538-05:00Just Traveling Through<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I've seen a quote several times recently that says, "It is both a blessing and a curse to feel things so very deeply." And, yes, it is. I've always been considered to be "emotional", "sensitive", "moody"... whatever word you'd like to call it. It's something I've struggled with most of my life. There are times that I just can't seem to keep my emotions and my feelings in check. And for a long time, I tried to change that. I tried to keep myself in line. Never let them see me cry. Keep your thoughts to yourself. However, when you are a person who feels things so very deeply, you can't keep them stuffed inside for very long. And eventually, every time I try to, they come out one way or another...usually in a not so very positive way. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But as I'm getting older, I'm learning to embrace the emotional, sensitive, moody person God has created me to be. It's because of my sensitive, emotional side that I work in the field I do. It's what has fueled my passion and desire to help others. I've often been told over the course of my life that I'm "too nice"...whatever that means. (I personally think the world needs more "nice".) And I have often been a doormat for others to walk all over because I don't like confrontation and often keep quiet. There is a fine balance between being giving and caring while not allowing yourself to become passive. But even in finding that balance, it is still both a blessing and a curse to feel so deeply.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My life has gone through drastic changes in the past year. I've seen some of my lowest lows and some of my highest highs. I've learned which friendships have been true and tested in the fire and those that were just a passing chapter in my life. I've found the work I'm meant to do after years of struggling to feel "at home" with my career. I've suffered loss. I've seen devastation hit my own family in such a horrifying way that has made me question everything I've known. I've seen joy in the faces of the individuals I work with every day over something as simple as a song. And I've seen ignorance and prejudice in the hearts of those who would speak against those same individuals having an opportunity at greater independence. I feel like Paul when he said he knew what it was to have plenty and to go without, to be hungry and to be full...I'm still working on the "being content in all things" part, though. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Life is full of so much. And sometimes, it gets to be too much for someone like me who feels everything so very deeply. Now, I'm not saying I'm some special person. I'm a nobody and I'm not special outside of God's grace. But the heart God gave me that is so full of emotion and feeling exhausts me sometimes. And in those moments when I feel I'm about to break under the weight of it all, if I'll quiet myself and listen, I can sense God's presence so very close. And He reminds me that He is there and that sometimes it's okay to just collapse in His arms and let it all go. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Casting Crowns has a song called "Just Be Held." The first time I heard this song, tears just streamed down my face. To think that the God of this universe cares enough to just hold me when I'm at my breaking point...that is an amazing thing. Sometimes, in the midst of the chaos life can bring, we simply need to sit and let Him hold us. It's so hard for me to do. I often feel guilty if I'm not doing something all the time. And just as God is there to hold us in those moments, He also calls us to bear one another's burdens. But for me, it feels like I'm the burden if I let someone else take care of me for awhile. It's how I'm wired. I'm a "doer", a "Martha". And because of that, I often reach a point where I break. I don't like to admit that. So I hide it. I'm awesome at crying in the shower where no one can hear. I'm great at faking a smile. I'm a pro at withdrawing from everyone else. And I'm sure I'm not alone. There are a lot of us out there. But what are we so afraid of? Why is it so hard to let someone else in to help bear our burdens?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I don't have an answer for that. But in the midst of this struggle we call life, in the midst of the hurt and the pain and the laughter and the joy, I'm reminded that we are not home yet. Sometimes I think that God allows us to feel things as deeply as He does to remind us that we are just passing through. We were not made for this world. Philippians 1:22-24 (MSG) says, "As long as I'm alive in this body, there is good work for me to do. If I had to choose right now, I hardly know which I'd choose. Hard choice! The desire to break camp here and be with Christ is powerful. Some days I can think of nothing better. But most days, because of what you are going through, I am sure that it's better for me to stick it out here." There are days that the thought of going on to heaven sounds so much better than living here on this earth. Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying I want to go today! I'm ready to go whenever God calls me home, but I still have a lot of living I want to do here, too. There are still things I want to experience. But there are days when the weight of all that's wrong in this world get to me. Days when I feel the pain and struggle along with my family and friends. Days when I don't see how it will get better. And on those days, I can totally relate to this verse. But I know God's not done with me yet...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I know I still have a purpose here. He still has work for me to do. Work that I couldn't do if I didn't feel things so very deeply, if I wasn't sensitive to His leading... We all NEED each other to get through this life. God made life relational for a reason. He didn't mean for us to walk this life alone. But I often retreat rather than seek relationship out. But it can be so powerful when we do. Just yesterday I was talking with my cousin (who is more like my sister) about some struggles in her life. She's in a similar position as I have been before. I was reminded of 2 Corinthians 1:4 that says we are able to comfort others in similar situations in the same way we have been comforted ourselves. She had been on my mind all week, so I sent her a text. She replied saying that she really needed to hear that at that particular moment. And thus opened the floodgates of conversation where God was able to use me to minister to her in her moment of need. And there have been many times when she's called or text me in my time of need. When we talked on the phone yesterday, I told her that I had thought about how neither of us have our moms anymore and how that makes life so difficult sometimes. But in that commonality of being motherless at these times in our lives when we so desperately want and need a mother, we find comfort in our relationship and shared experiences.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And so it comes full circle. Yes, I can be emotional. I can be moody. I do feel things to my core. And there are days that it can get to be too much. But then I remember that God put me here for a purpose and part of that purpose to bear the burdens of those around me. And yes, it's going to be difficult. And yes, there will be tears...both of joy and sorrow. There will be struggles...that lead to both blessing and loss. But when we learn to view all these things in the light of glory, we realize we are just traveling through... So we need to make the most of the time God blesses us with here on this earth. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We need to realize that it's ok to feel things deeply. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We all need to feel more deeply, love more deeply, take more risks, cry a little more, laugh a lot more, bear each others' burdens with joy and keep pressing on towards the prize (Philippians 3:14). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And we need to just keep on traveling through...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"Wayfaring Stranger" by Andy Griffith</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"Just Be Held" by Casting Crowns</span><br />
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<br />Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-10039838672883066952014-05-24T19:49:00.000-05:002014-05-24T19:53:10.717-05:00Trusting Through the DarknessIt's been awhile since I last wrote a post. It's not that there hasn't been anything God has laid on my heart to write about. It's just that the last couple of months have been some of the toughest I have had to face in a long while. And these verses have spoken to me in those dark moments:<br />
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"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps." Proverbs 16:9<br />
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"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremy 29:11<br />
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"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28<br />
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"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done..." Genesis 50:20<br />
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"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4<br />
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"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23<br />
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"The LORD will fight for you; you need only be still." Exodus 14:14<br />
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"Be still and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10<br />
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In my previous post, I talked about dancing between trust and fear. And when I wrote that post, things were a little shaky, but I had no idea the testing my faith was about to undergo. <br />
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Back in November of 2013 I took a huge leap of faith, trusting that I was following God's leading, and moved to the coast to continue to pursue private practice. I have had some amazing experiences during that journey and some that have scared me to death. I won't go into detail about all of the goings on of the past six months, but now, on this side of things, I can see God's hand so intricately weaving the path for me. Things have turned out a lot differently than I had planned or thought they would. There have been some very dark times that pushed me to the limits of my faith - spiritually, financially, emotionally, mentally. Times that my faith has wavered. Times that took me into fierce spiritual warfare. Times that took their toll. Times that the enemy tried to use to knock me off the path God has for me. But greater is He that in me than he that is in the world! And I'm beginning to see that it has all been part of His plan for me and that things are coming together in my life in a way I never could have imagined and that are way better than anything I could have planned on my own.<br />
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This week I've had a lot of time to sit and reflect and think about my life and the course God has laid out. And I have been amazed to finally have the eyes to see how the pieces are all fitting. I still don't see the full picture and never will this side of heaven. But I can see how God has been using each and every circumstance of the past 15 years to get me where I am today...where I believe He has meant for me to be all along this journey. But I've had to trust through the darkness....<br />
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Corrie Ten Boom has an amazing quote that says, "When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don't throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer." There have been times that I wanted to jump off the train. Times that, if I'm being honest, I didn't trust God to take care of me. I said it out loud and I wanted to believe it. But there have been times when I wondered if I mattered that much to Him. Of course, the answer to that is a resounding yes! He sent His only Son to die for me...YES, I matter that much to Him. But, as I've spoken of before, the enemy knows my weak spot is my mind, and he launches an attack when things get dark. But God never wavers. He is ALWAYS faithful...even when to my human eyes it doesn't seem like He is.<br />
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Trusting through the darkness. Trusting that I'll make my rent payment when I barely have anything left in my bank account. Trusting that I will be able to find a full-time job that will allow me to have a steady paycheck rather than the uncertainty of private practice. Trusting that someone will be for me on those dark, dark days. Trusting that what the enemy has tried to use for evil God can restore and use for good. And you know what? He has! He has been faithful...because He can't be any other way. So I have to trust Him through the darkness... <br />
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I knew when I started this journey almost a year ago that I would be pushed to the limits of my faith. I knew it was going to be hard. I knew that I was going to have to trust God in a way I'd never had to trust Him before. But I had no idea how far I would be pushed. I've had days where I just wanted to pack up and move back home. I've had days where I questioned if I had misunderstood what God was leading me to do and had made a huge mistake. I've had days where I questioned why God wold lead me to a place of failure and desolation. But as I've been reflecting on all of this lately, I can see that it HAS all been part of His plan for my life. And He has provided and will continue to provide for my needs. Thanks to the giving spirit of my dad who allows God to use him in a special way, I did make my rent payment. (And God will provide a way to pay him back.) As for the job? Yep. God worked in a way I couldn't even imagine. I remember driving to teach a class on a Wednesday morning, broken to the point of giving up. And I was listening to some Christian music...trying to praise God even though I didn't understand. And I finally just turned the radio off and asked God to show me that He was listening, to move that very day. Not that He always answers that request...there have been plenty of times He hasn't. But this time, I believe it was already His plan to do something that day...He just wanted me to ask from an honest heart. The Bible tells us that Jesus told His disciples that they have not because they asked not. And just maybe, He wanted me to ask from a place of brokenness and trust. Anyway...later that day, after a few phone calls and a referral, I had an interview for a job that I hopefully will be starting in the next week or two...which will have me right back in the middle of working with people with intellectual disabilities. And I have been blessed with a wonderful person who is there for me on those dark, dark days and has helped to strengthen my faith, encouraging me to keep trusting when I wanted to give up. We have become a kind of sanctuary and place of calm and peace for each other...something I've never had with anyone else before. And God is moving in both of our lives, unfolding a beautiful plan.<br />
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God DOES work everything for our good...even the dark moments. There is way too much to write about in detail here...it would take a book! But I can see how my work experiences at two previous jobs have been preparing me for this possible new job. I can see how it wasn't a mistake to move down here and work in private practice. God used that to allow me to finish up my internship hours and complete my Master's degree...something that would have been nearly impossible with a full-time job. He has led me to be part of an amazing church family who encourages me and prays for me and is an example of what God intended church to be...which is refreshing after some of the churches I have been to. He has also brought a couple of amazing people into my life that have made my life so much more joyful and full and have helped me survive the tough moments. I can even see, although it's taken me six years, how God has used the loss of my mother to move me where He wants me to be. I would give anything to have her here. But I also know that if she were still here, I probably never would have moved away from home. I'm not saying that that would be a bad thing necessarily. But I don't believe I would be fulfilling God's plan for my life by staying there. And He has used that to show me how even our darkest times are being worked for our good. And I have the assurance of seeing her again one day. I can see how God has used every single experience to work out His will for my life.<br />
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Trusting through the darkness isn't easy. It's some of the hardest times I think we can go through as believers. But it is also necessary. Part of the Christian walk is being tested and tried so that we can come forth as gold. What good is faith if it is never tested? I can have faith all day long that a chair will hold me up if I sit in it. But if I never sit in it to test it, I never fully exercise my faith in it. The same can be said for us. I've witnessed people who have professed that they trust God, and they do, as long as things are going well....there's money in the bank, they have a job, everyone is healthy, they get everything they want. But as soon as the money's gone or the job goes away or the diagnosis comes, they turn their back on God. I'll admit, I've been there myself. I've doubted and questioned when I didn't get the answer to prayer that I wanted. But these past few months have taught me that it's not about what I want. It's not about me. It's about what He wants for me and about what will bring Him glory. And one thing I believe He wants for His children is for us to develop our faith. And that means the tests will come. In fact, the Bible is full of stories of His children who faced famine, death, calamities, persecution, and much, much more. Hebrews 11 is a great synopsis of those stories. And I'm thankful that God made provision for those stories to be written down and shared so we know that we are not alone in our struggles.<br />
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While I hope that things will be easier for awhile, I know that no matter what comes, He is faithful and there is a purpose behind everything He asks us to face or that He allows to come into our lives. While I have no desire to relive the darkness the past months have brought, I can honestly say that I am thankful for every moment. Because without each and every trial and testing of my faith, I wouldn't be where I am this moment. My faith has been strengthened. I have come to have a deeper understanding of my Christian walk and what it means to die to self and live for Christ. I have been able to experience a deeper walk with my heavenly Father. I've learned how to worship and praise Him even when I don't understand what is going on around me. And I have proven that He is faithful each and every time. He may not provide or answer exactly when I think He should. In fact, I'm still waiting on a few answers. But I know that He will fight every battle for me. I know that He will provide each and every need. I know that He will bless my faithfulness to Him. I know that He loves me more than I could ever fathom. I don't have all the answers, and I sure know I have a long way to go. I'm just a "wayfaring stranger" trying to figure it out. But I know without a doubt that if I keep trusting Him through the darkness He will lead me safely through this journey and on to my eternal home. <br />
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And of course, it wouldn't be my post if I didn't include music! <br />
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He Is With Us...this song is upbeat but has some amazing lyrics...lyrics that have helped me see through the darkness.<br />
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How He Loves...I have just sat and listened to this over and over and let my Father sing over me in those dark moments. Oh how He loves us!<br />
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Bless the Lord...this has become my song of praise. It pops in my head all the time. And it has been happening...where on days this song is on my heart, those are the days God blows my mind with His provision. "Let me be singing when the evening comes..."<br />
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Oceans...this song has been special to me during this time, too. "You call me out upon the waters, the great unknown where feet may fail....lead me where my trust is without borders." And oh, how He has!<br />
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<br />Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-62965776986330933802014-03-04T20:26:00.001-06:002014-03-07T05:28:55.209-06:00Dancing Between Trust and Fear<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8SS-OJzi7iZD37Ra_y3PAuvDt_Gv35EPxhk6NwFBd5n5yM6O-UzMTg7m8nWPYFNgeeoIznSwPEmePReqMWD5vrn10Mc02nmnvcP2PmwOIxGXCrsWxUUQ8fRIvi00jTcKshifzJm1pAQI/s1600/get-attachment.aspx.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8SS-OJzi7iZD37Ra_y3PAuvDt_Gv35EPxhk6NwFBd5n5yM6O-UzMTg7m8nWPYFNgeeoIznSwPEmePReqMWD5vrn10Mc02nmnvcP2PmwOIxGXCrsWxUUQ8fRIvi00jTcKshifzJm1pAQI/s1600/get-attachment.aspx.jpeg" height="320" width="213" /></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've been meaning to write this post for awhile now, but as my life usually goes, my intentions of doing things are often stronger than the actual doing of said things. But I'm learning that God has a time for everything and can even use my procrastination to accomplish His will. I've also come to realize that delays aren't Him ignoring us or withholding some blessing from us. Many times I've found that the delay is the result of Him working out some detail or working on our hearts to get us to the place where we can fully receive His blessing. It's all in our perspective and in our choice to freak out and worry (which is my usual route) or to trust Him completely even when we can't see the road ahead.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Since moving to the coast, I have encountered a lot of foggy mornings. Some days it can be annoying and a little scary to drive in when you can't see 5 feet in front of you. But some days I actually enjoy driving in it. I've always viewed fog as a kind of representation of God's presence in our lives. Just as the fog surrounds us on all sides, so does God. His love presses in, covers us, overwhelms us. And just as I have different reactions to driving in the fog depending on my mood that day, I have the same two reactions to life...especially when I can't see the next step.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One morning a few weeks ago, as I was driving along the coastline, the fog was thick. But not so thick that I couldn't see a little ways out into the water. And it made me think of Peter. I think Peter and I could have been BFFs back in the day. Or either bitter enemies...depending on how our similarities played out. Like Peter, I can overreact to situations. I can be all gung-ho about something one minute and then too paralyzed by fear to take a leap of faith the next. I am opinionated. And I long to be close to Jesus. And that is where we find Peter in the story of Matthew 14. The disciples had just experienced the miracle of the feeding of the five thousand and were now in their boat, out on the sea, being tossed about by a storm. Jesus had gone off to pray by himself. After He finishes His prayer time, He decides to join the disciples on the boat. Of course, being God in human form, He takes the quickest route and walks right out on the water. The disciples think He is a ghost at first, but He identifies Himself and tells them to be still and that they have nothing to fear. Here's the part where I completely identify with Peter...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now, Peter and the others had just witnessed an amazing miracle! Who feeds 5,000 people out of a few fish and some bread?! So Peter had just experienced the impossible. And just like Peter, I have also seen God do the impossible in my life and my situations. But just like Peter, I also go from the mountaintop of trust to the pit of doubt in about five seconds flat. P</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">eter tells Jesus that if it is really Him to command him to walk on the water towards Him. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So Jesus does, and Peter steps out in faith, trusting he won't sink. However, at some point he feels the wind of the storm, takes his eyes of Jesus and begins to sink. He cries out to Jesus to help him, and, as He always does, Jesus grabs him, pulls him up and they climb in the boat together. The VOICE translation tells this story in such a beautiful way:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Matthew 14: 28-33 (VOICE)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>"</i>Peter<i>: Lord, if it is really You, then command me to meet You on the water. </i>Jesus<i>: Indeed, come. Peter stepped out of the boat onto the water and began walking toward Jesus. <b>But when he remembered how strong the wind was, his courage caught in his throat and he began to sink.</b> </i>Peter<i>: Master, save me! Immediately Jesus reached for Peter and caught him. </i>Jesus<i>: O you of little faith. <b>Why did you doubt and dance back and forth between following Me and heeding fear?</b> <b>Then Jesus and Peter climbed in the boat together, and the wind became still. And the disciples worshipped Him."</b></i><b> </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Wow. It's in verses like these that I find one of the main reasons God left His word for us (aside from leading us to Christ) is as a reminder that we are not alone and that we aren't the first to fail. Like I said, Peter and I have a lot in common...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As I've written about several times, this past year in my life has been unlike any other. It has been exhilarating and terrifying all at the same time. It has tested my faith unlike anything before. And it has caused me to grow spiritually in ways I never knew I could. And it has HURT. Growth is a painful process. But it is necessary. We have to face the pain in order to grow and move forward. But we can't do it alone. During this year, I have had so many moments where I have doubted and "dance(d) back and forth between following (Jesus) and heeding fear." I've been so excited to see what God is doing and have stepped out in faith only to take my eyes off Him, focus on the seemingly impossible situation and started to sink in the stormy sea. It has been a constant struggle...but one that I feel I'm making progress in...until the devil places doubt in my mind again...and the cycle starts again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But like Peter, when I sense the doubt creeping in, I cry out to Jesus for help. In this passage Jesus helped Peter immediately. Does He always help immediately? To our human minds, no. There have been times I've prayed for resolution to a situation or for clarity or for some other need and God has answered almost immediately. There have been other times when it has taken months or even years to see an answer. But one thing that has been consistent...even if I don't see an answer right away, I have a peace that passes human understanding that He is with me. Just as Jesus climbed in the boat with Peter, He climbs into my situation with me and calms me until the answer comes. Sometimes I still take my eyes off Him and start to sink. But every single time He is there. Every. Single. Time. He never condemns me for my doubt or fear. He never chastises me for questioning Him. He just provides a deep abiding peace until the storm passes. This doesn't mean every day is easy or that trusting Him makes all your problems go away. Quite the contrary...</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you look at Peter's life, he still had many trials and tribulations to face after this moment on the water with Jesus. In fact, he ended up giving his life for the cause of Christ. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've come to find that as soon as I make the choice to trust God in spite of what I see around me the devil is right there with another barrage of doubt and fear. And he always will be until I reach heaven. But I'm learning that I have a choice. I can either give in to those lies and sink. Or I can trust that God is working out His best for me and that He will provide...on time. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Another person I identify with from the group of disciples is Thomas...as in "Doubting Thomas." He refused to believe that Jesus had risen from the dead unless he touched the nail prints in His hands. I can't blame him...I know myself well enough to admit that I would be the same way. So many times I've heard people ridicule or blame Thomas for doubting. But I choose to believe that God can use even our doubts to draw us closer to him. A friend posted this <a href="http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/practical-faith/4-things-jesus-never-said" target="_blank">article</a> today on Facebook, and I completely identified with it. One part of it that really spoke to me was this: <i>"</i></span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i style="font-size: 16px;">The beauty of this is Thomas had an encounter with Jesus none of the other disciples did. He is the only one who touched the wounds of Jesus, because he had the faith to doubt. Nowhere does Jesus condemn doubt; rather he meets people right where they are in it."</i> God works through our doubt and fear and worry, meets us where we are and chooses to love and redeem us and restore to us what the enemy has stolen. (Job 42:10)</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A major weapon that I have recently found that works wonders against the attacks of doubt and worry and fear is worship and praise. I've always heard this, but I never put it into practice until recently. Now, when I feel those doubts and fears rising up in me, I will read Bible verses that I have highlighted that deal with this very thing. I will listen to some worship songs that focus on God and His love for me. I will take a few moments to just spend some time alone with God. I have found in the past few months that when I do these things, my focus returns to Him. And I can't worry or fear or doubt when I'm standing face to face with the One who has it all under control. See, when we take time to truly worship Him, we realize that He is greater than any problem or issue we face. No, it doesn't resolve the situation at hand, and there still may be difficult work we have to do or things we have to face to see a resolution. But when we see Him for who He truly is we find the courage to forge ahead and keep walking in faith. We learn to hear His voice above all the noise and chaos of the world. And I'm finally learning to trust that still, small voice that speaks to my heart. Because I've seen those things He has spoken to my heart come to fruition...not in my time or my way, but in His time and His way. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I still don't have all the answers. And I still anticipate I'll face more difficult days. But I do know the "One whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I've committed unto Him against that day." (2 Timothy 1:12) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So the next time the "fog" of life obstructs your view or the next time you take a step of faith only to find yourself sinking in the waves or the next time you request proof of His faithfulness, look up to Him. Turn your eyes and your heart to the One who holds you in His hands. And stop dancing back and forth between trusting Him and giving in to fear. He is faithful. He will provide. He will always love you. He is always there. And He will always catch you. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And as always, I have to include a couple of songs that speak to my heart and turn my focus back to God.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Beautiful Redemption (Joy Williams)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hallelujah (Bethany Dillon)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Walk by Faith (Jeremy Camp)</span><br />
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<br />Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-51907127427300890342014-01-19T20:08:00.000-06:002014-01-19T20:08:24.847-06:00Don't Forget to Celebrate<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I love moments when I can just let go of all the stress and the things clouding my mind and just revel in the joy of the moment. When I truly allow myself to do that, I am completely humbled by how much the God of this universe loves me and cares about every detail of my life. Those moments don't come that often, sad to say. Usually because I choose to focus on things out of my control or allow myself to worry. But this past week, I had one of those moments. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I love living by the beach. The water is so peaceful and calming and just has this affect on you that nothing else does. And I am so fortunate to get to see that every day. I was telling a friend of mine this past week that every time I drive Hwy 90 I feel like I'm on vacation and keep wondering when it will be time to go back home. I told her I hope I never lose that feeling. So as I was driving to a meeting Friday, the water was so still and peaceful and I just became overwhelmed with gratitude and peace.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As I've posted many times before, I struggle with doubt and worry and fear. It's been a lifelong struggle. One that I've spent a lot of time and prayer working on this past year. As I've also shared, my life has taken a dramatic turn this past year. And to top it all off, I turned 40. It's been a year full of excitement, new relationships, scary moments, leaps of faith, fear, doubt, joy...every emotion possible. It's also been a year where I declared war on this constant struggle. And I've made some steps forward in that battle. Not to say I'm anywhere close to where I need or want to be. But my faith has grown in a way I never thought possible. There have been times God has allowed me to be pushed to my limit. Then there have been times when His hand of favor has definitely been on me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But so often I focus on my mistakes and my failures. I allow doubt to creep in and allow myself to entertain thoughts that I know are lies...rather than trusting the truth that God is speaking to my heart. I get overly upset over things that aren't that big of a deal because my perception is wrong. I get angry. I can be passive aggressive. I fail miserably at being the woman I know God is growing me to be. And so often I focus on those things rather than seeing what God is doing through the struggle. And so often I forget to celebrate the victories...no matter how small. But if the joy of the Lord is to be my strength, I have to allow joy to reign in my heart.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So back to that drive to the meeting. As I drove along, listening to my eclectic mix of music on my phone, this feeling of overwhelming peace and gratitude just overtook me. And I realized that I had (with God's help) mastered a victory over my struggle. My usual cycle is to have an expectation, that expectation isn't met, I get upset and choose to see things from my perception rather than God's, I react (usually in a not so great way), and then I feel bad for my reaction and beat myself up. But this week was different. This week I chose to see things from God's perception. I chose to trust that if the God of the universe cared enough about a bird to make sure it was fed, how much more does He care for me and the details of my life and the desires of my heart. And I chose not to get upset and react in a negative way but rather to trust God's sovereignty. Of course, that only lasted a couple of days and then I was back in my usual cycle. But, in that moment, there was a victory.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sometimes, I think we can get so caught up in beating ourselves up for our failures and mistakes. And yes, it is important to learn from them. But in the midst of doing that we miss those little victories that we should be celebrating. And I think that celebrating those rare times when we "get it right" may be part of the key to winning the overall battle with our struggles. Because when we celebrate those moments, we are actually worshiping and honoring God and the work He is doing in our lives. And that is what helps us overcome the struggle. And another curious thing happens. Instead of my getting all puffed up and boastful about my victory, I become a little more humbled and a lot more aware of just what God is doing in my life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And that is when the peace comes in. Once I allowed myself to celebrate that one tiny step forward rather than focusing on the two huge steps backward, I opened my heart up to joy unspeakable. And I was overcome with that gratitude and peace. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This past year has been a whirlwind. But as I was reflecting on all the God has done, I realized just how blessed I am. I may not know the details of how it is all going to work out, but I can trust in the One who does. And I am truly blessed. Beyond measure! I get to do a job I absolutely love every single day. Yes, it's hard and not every day is great. But when I see a child with Autism who refused to participate in a session two weeks ago come to a session this past week and actually participate and smile and enjoy it...it makes my heart glad. I get to live in a gorgeous place. I have gotten to meet some wonderful people who have changed my life for the better. I have been able to release a long suffering hurt that has kept me from opening my heart and have been able to move forward from that after years and years of struggle with it. I've even lost 25 pounds. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And for the first time I believe in my entire life, I finally feel "at home." I finally feel that I fit in and I'm where I'm supposed to be. I believe that He has blessed me with people in my life who encourage me to be better. I believe I'm doing what God put me here to do. And I believe that I'm finally becoming the woman He has longed for me to become all my life. And I'm so grateful. And humbled that He would love me that much. Not every day is all roses and chocolate. There are some very hard days. But those days serve to remind me that, though I have finally found where I belong here on this earth, I am not truly Home yet. This life isn't the be all and end all. There is so much more in store...more than I could dare to dream! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful that God will continue to grow me. I'm hopeful that I will continue to see more of these small victories over my struggles and less failures. And I hope that I will not forget to celebrate the good that God is doing in my life. My prayer is that you will have the same hope. May your week be full of joy and reasons to celebrate!</span>Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-63514749515268739522013-12-22T18:46:00.001-06:002013-12-22T18:46:40.721-06:00The Story<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I apologize in advance for the length this post will probably end up being. Not that I know how to be short winded normally, but I had several hours in a car by myself to think about this one. I hope you will take the time to read the full post, though...even if you have to break it into chunks. There are music videos...if that helps break it up for you! :) But I feel like this is an important thing for us all to realize...just how important and connected we all are in the Story God is writing...</span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So this is Christmas. And I turned 40 last week. And the year is coming to a close. As I'm sure may be normal with a lot of people when they hit a "milestone" birthday, I've done a lot of thinking this week. Thinking about my life, the things I've accomplished, the dreams I still have yet to reach, what I truly want for my life... I've had quite a bit of time in the car alone this week. I usually try to reflect back over the year, and this year I want to do the same. But this year has been a doozy! In a good way... </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As anyone who knows me knows, I was very excited to be turning 40! I even had an aunt say she'd never seen someone so excited about it. But that's me...I'm definitely my own individual. And it's taken me all 40 of those years to accept that and be ok with it. My life is not at all what I thought it would be at 40. If you would have talked to the 25 year old me, I can assure you I would not have told you I would be single with no children living on the coast, finishing a Master's degree and starting a private practice. Not in a million years. But here I am...exactly in that place. During one of my drives this week, I was thinking back on all of the blessings in my life. No, I'm not where I thought I'd be at 40, but where I am is so much better and, more importantly, it's where God wants me to be. And I realized just how blessed I am. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Now, I'm not shy about how much I struggle with doubt and worry and my Type A personality. It is a daily struggle. But over this past year, God has been doing a major work on me...especially in those areas. He's been trying to teach me to enjoy the moment I'm in rather than worry about what the outcome is going to be a month down the road. And I'm getting there. Slowly. I tend to complain or get upset if things aren't going exactly as I have some crazy expectation that they should. And that has caused me, sorry to say, to miss out on some really wonderful moments. This past week, as I was about to get caught up in another "this situation isn't happening according to my expectations and I don't know what to do about it but if I do something I might mess up something good" moments, God stopped me. And He began to remind me of all the blessings I have in my life and how HE gave those blessings to me...without any input or help from me. And that if He has done that all my life, then He will continue to do it. And I realized just how overflowing my cup is. This past year I have seen God move in ways I never imagined. He has and continues to open doors for my business partner/friend and I with our private practice. He has seen me through almost 3 years of grad school. He has paved the way for me to move to a beautiful place across from the beach. He has brought some wonderful people into my life this year who have challenged me, encouraged me, pushed me when I wanted to give up, helped to strengthen my relationship with God and who have changed my life for the better just by being a part of it. And as I've been reflecting on these blessings this weekend, God has begun to, yet again, change me and continue to mold me into the woman He desires me to be. And bless His heart...He has his work cut out. I like to joke and say I'm like one of his "problem children." But He never seems to mind...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As I drove home for Christmas Saturday, I listened to a lot of songs...as I usually do. There were several that spoke to me. "I Can Just Be Me" by Laura Story reminds me that I can be comfortable being the person God created me to be and allow God to be what only He can be. "The Miracle of the Moment" by Steven Curtis Chapman compelled me to work more this next year on enjoying to moment rather than missing out on wonderful things because I'm so worried about the future. But after listening to a wide variety of songs, I felt led to listen to The Story album in entirety. I discovered this gem a couple of years ago. There was a simulcast of the live concert event, and it left me weeping. The Story is a musical telling of the Bible and of the stories of the lives of some of the most well known people from Bible times. As I drove and listened (and sang along) to these songs, I saw how each of their stories touched on a part of my story. And how each of their stories could be any one of our stories. How God has woven our lives to be so interconnected with others. We need relationship. Not only with God but with other people. We need that connection. We need to know we are not alone. And as I listened to the words and the stories, I felt that connection to those people of long ago. To that cloud of witnesses that is in Heaven cheering me on. And I realized that God writes each of our stories in a way that showcases His love and provision for us. And I became so thankful for the stories of the Bible and of the reminders that I am not the first to fail. That those who have gone before me have shared in the same struggles and the same failures and the same heartaches. And, somehow, that can make a person feel less alone and give us the courage to keep going. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So I wanted to share my favorite moments of The Story and what each of the individual stories speaks to me. And I hope that in reading this, you will find a connection to at least one of these people and will see how important your story is to the overall Master Story God is writing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>I Am (Creation)</b> - God is, always has been and always will be. Why in the world should I ever worry about anything when the Creator of it all has chosen to love me and save me and chases me passionately? He is in control and has it all in HIs hands.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Good (Adam & Eve)</b> - "Can't imagine how you could see all of me and say it's good...You still love us more than we believed You could." I am in awe at how much God loves me. Even though I fail time and time again, even though I doubt when He distinctly tells me to trust...He loves me more than I could ever imagine. And I think about Adam and Eve and the shame they felt and how God still went to the depths to show them His love. I can relate to them so much because I feel like I fail all the time. I don't measure up. I give in to the devil's lies...I entertain thoughts of illogical thoughts, unworthiness, doubt. Just like Eve, I question what I know to be true. Yet, God still sees good in me. What an amazing gift!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Who But You (Abraham & Sarah)</b> - "Who but You would ever choose to dream Your dreams in me? Tell me, who but You would dare me to believe what I can't see? So call me crazy, call me a fool. You alone can do the things you promised to. You are Yawheh, I'm just a man...counting tiny grains of sand, placing every promise in Your hand." Oh, how I relate to Abraham and Sarah! That 25 year old me? Totally thought I would have had at least 4 kids by now. But God had other plans. And at 40, I'm ok with that. There are days I would really like a child of my own. There are others, I'd be completely ok with being a stepmom and not having any of my own. Honestly, I have a peace about whatever God has in mind for me concerning a child. He knows what is best. And I'm reminded that I get to work with children every single week, and God has been able to use me to touch lives that I might not have been able to touch had I had children of my own. But this promise goes beyond having babies. This is a promise of God to fulfill His EVERY promise to us! To do things only He can do...to work out the impossible in our lives. And a reminder that I can trust Him to do what He has promised He will do...that if He calls me to do something that seems crazy or impossible or illogical, He will ALWAYS provide the means to make it happen. Why God would choose to use me I will never understand...but I'm so thankful He has!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Bend (Joseph)</b> - "And what was meant to harm, can't harm you in the end...stepped out on a limb I thought would break but Love said it will only bend." Joseph is our reminder that God can take the things others meant to use for harm in our lives and turn it into something beyond our imagination! We are not what we come from. We are not our mistakes. We are created and redeemed by a loving God who can take whatever we have faced and turn it into good. I've seen this in my own life...an experience from my early 30's that damaged my ability to trust, that has affected my ability to have a "normal" relationship, that has been part of the reason I struggle with doubt so much...but God has redeemed that time. And in just the past few months, has begun to truly heal me from those scars...and to show me how He can use it for good. That experience cannot define me if I don't let it. God defines me. And He longs to do the same for you!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>It Must Be You (Moses)</b> - "I'd like to see what you see, why you think I'm qualified...if there's anything good in me...and if there's any part of this shaking heart to see this journey through...it must be You." I think Moses and I could be BFFs. Seriously! I see so much of myself in him. Here God was calling Him to lead His people out of bondage and he questioned and doubted and asked God 12,000 times if He was sure he was the right one for the job. I do the same thing. Every. Single. Day. I can see what God has called me to, and I question if I'm capable. Moses stuttered...but God spoke for Him when the time came for him to speak. God doesn't call us to do something because we are qualified to do it. There are plenty who are more qualified than me to do what I do. Trust me. I know this. But God is looking for those who have a heart willing to serve, willing to take a back seat, willing to reach out to the unwanted and unloved and to do what others tell us we can't. And like Moses, if we will trust Him (even if it takes several questions on our part and a lot of patience on God's part), He will part the waters of the sea and make a way where there is no way. How amazing is that?! The good in us isn't us at all. It's God. And when we (especially me!) realize that, fear falls to the wayside, doubt disappears and trust emerges...and the impossible becomes possible!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Bring Us Home (Joshua)</b> - "Bring us home, lead us to the highest wall. Every single stone will fall. We have never walked alone." Talk about impossible. God told Joshua He was going to crumble the walls of Jericho by a simple trumpet sound. God tells us every day He is going to crumble the walls we face...yet we doubt. At least I do. I love how this song is asking God to lead us to the highest wall... Oh, if we would only have that kind of faith...to ask God to show us just how powerful He is. And Joshua did...he trusted God to do what only God could do. He didn't try to make another plan. He didn't come up with a back up in case God's plan failed. He didn't try 10 other ways first. This is a lesson I'd do well to learn. I can do nothing in my own strength. I can't make anyone do anything I want them to do. I can't manipulate a situation to have the outcome I desire. But God can and will do what is best in our lives. And He is waiting for us to just step back and let Him move...He longs to knock down our Jericho walls and bring us freedom.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>I'm With You (Ruth & Naomi)</b> - "You do your best to build a higher wall. To keep love safe from any wrecking ball. But when the dust has cleared we will see the house that Love rebuilds guarding beauty that lives here still. You and me, me and you, where you go I'll go to, I'm with you. Till your heart finds a home I won't let you feel alone. I'm with you." This is a story of the importance of human connection and relationship. The friendship between Ruth and Naomi is one we all hope to have. To have people around us who are there though the good and bad. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Who promise they won't leave us alone. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> I am so blessed to have a few of these people in my life...and I've seen that quality in friendships is way more important than quantity. And in their story we see how God takes devastation and loss and restores beauty to them more than they could have ever dreamed. And He longs to do the same in our lives. I can already see in my own life how He is taking the broken pieces and rebuilding them into something beautiful...something I can't see fully yet. But I trust that He is going to do more than I ever dreamed He would!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Your Heart (David) </b>- "At the end of the day I want to hear people say that my heart looks like Your heart." I think David and I would have also been good friends. His story reflects so many of our own. There were days he couldn't have been any higher on that mountain top. But then there were others he plummeted to depths. He killed Goliath to save God's people yet killed Uriah to fulfill his own lust for Bathsheba. He soothed Saul with his music yet ran for his life out of fear and hid in caves. The extremes of David's life are much like my own. And I would guess much like yours. I have days where I couldn't feel closer to God and I have no worry about anything...even the unknown. Then 2 days later I'm praying and crying and asking God how things are going to get better. I speak love and affirmation with the same tongue with which I speak anger and bitterness. Yet, in all of David's ups and down, God called Him "a man after My own heart." (Acts 13:22) See, no matter how our life ebbs and flows, God's love remains constant. It's not based on our performance. It's based on His character. And we would do well to do the same...to have a heart that is like His. That should be our ultimate goal.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>No Compromise (Daniel)</b> - "My knees bow only to One Name. My lips have One King to proclaim. No compromise." In today's society, Christians get a bad rap. Some of it we bring on ourselves, I will admit. We can be too judgmental and seek to "fix" people rather than love them. However, we also get hit on all sides by the world who think it's ok to speak their version of the truth, demanding we "accept" them while they tell us to that we don't have a right to share our truth. And more times than not (at least I know I have been guilty of this), we compromise and don't stand up for the Truth. Oh to have the courage of Daniel...who in spite of being thrown in a lion's den, trusted God to use it to show He was truly God. I can't say that if I were threatened with being eaten by a lion that I would have been as bold as Daniel...and that makes me feel ashamed of myself. The story of Daniel shows us that, if we won't compromise, God can use a scary situation to make Himself known. I wonder how many times I've been a stumbling block because of fear. I need to learn from Daniel to be bold in my faith and to trust God to use that boldness to show His truth.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Born For This (Esther)</b> - "Long before your heart could run the risk, you were born for this." Esther was one tough woman. To speak up back in a time when women were to remain silent. But she chose to obey God and took a risk that could have cost her her life. But here is the thing...just as all before her, she chose to trust God knowing that He would provide a way. How many times do I miss out on something because I'm too afraid to try, too afraid to speak up, too afraid to ask...when I should be trusting God. I'm one of those people who always plays out a "worst case scenario" in my head. But I shouldn't. And it's something God is working on changing in me. There is something to be said for positivity and optimism. When God is working on our behalf, no matter the outcome, we know we are secure in His hands. If He placed us here to do something, He will help us to do it. And we have assurance that His plans far exceed our own. So here is to Esther and the lesson we can learn from her...trust God for those hard things, those impossible things, those scary things. He just might blow your mind with what He will do!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Broken Praise (Job)</b> - "Who am I to make demands of the God of Abraham? And who are You that You would chose to answer me with mercy new? You are the One who filled my cup. And You are the One who let it spill. So blessed be Your Holy Name if You never fill it up again. If this is where my story ends just give me one more breath to say Hallelujah!" Oh the lessons we can learn from the story of Job! I could write 10 posts on that alone. But the main thing I want to focus on today was that Job trusted God through it all. He lost his family, his home, his wealth, almost his life. Yet in it all, Job never cursed God. He trusted that God was sovereign and had a plan for his life...even if he didn't understand. Even though his "righteous" friends tried to get him to repent of sins he hadn't committed or told him they knew "just how he felt" (my personal favorite...I roll my eyes when someone tells me this). And that serves as a lesson to love people through tough times rather than try to fix them or figure it out. But Job trusted God still. And God honored that trust and restored to Job twice what he had lost. In the midst of pain, I know I question if God is even there. But I know He is, and I know that one day He will restore what has been taken away...whether it be here or in Heaven. And I have to offer my praise to Him regardless of if He gives or takes away. It's something that doesn't make sense to our human minds. But to the heart surrendered to God, it is a trust in the One who is writing our story and knows the end we can't yet see. A trust that He is working out something wonderful that will bring Him glory. And we can say, with Job, Hallelujah!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Be Born In Me (Mary)</b> - "Everything inside me cries for order...I am not brave. I'll never be. The only thing my heart can offer is a vacancy. I'm just a girl. Nothing more. But I am willing. I am Yours." I so love the story of Mary. And I love this song. I cannot imagine what it was like for Mary. It can be hard for us to imagine in this day and age when pregnancy outside of marriage is so common. But back in Mary's day, women were stoned for much less. Yet she trusted God. Trusted that Joseph would love her still. Trusted that God would see her through a safe pregnancy and delivery. Trusted that God had chosen her to carry the Savior of the world. She wasn't anything spectacular by the world's standards. But she was willing to be used of God to be part of a miraculous impossibility. And we can be willing to do the same. God longs to use us each and every day to accomplish small miracles in the lives of others. For Jesus to be born in us every day in order to reach the world with His love. Mary chose to trust God in the midst of fear and, in so doing, was part of the greatest story ever told!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>When Love Sees You (Jesus)</b> - "Tell me your story, show me your wounds...hand me the pieces broken and bruised. And I'll show you what Love sees when Love sees you. I see your tomorrows, nothing left to chance. I see My Father's fingerprints....I see your story...You the struggle, you see the shame. I see the reason I came." Of course the main character of the main story and in all our individual stories is Jesus. He alone is what makes life worth living. We see all our flaws and mistakes and struggle. But He sees the masterpiece God is working out in our lives. He leaves nothing to chance! What a promise! The One who came as a baby in a manger, who died to bring us Home...He knows every part of our story and He knows the outcome. Even when we don't see it or understand, nothing is left to chance. That gives me peace. He loved us so much he was willing to leave the joys of heaven to come to this fallen earth and live as we lived. How great His love for us!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>How Love Wins (Thief)</b> - "This is how Love wins every single time climbing high upon the tree where someone else should die. This is how Love heals the deepest part of you, letting Himself bleed into the middle of your wounds. This is what Love says, standing at the door, you don't have to be who you've been before. Silenced by HIs voice, death can't speak again. This is how Love wins." What a promise! The thief on the cross knew he was supposed to be there. He knew he deserved death. But he took a chance and asked the Man hanging beside him for a miracle that only He could give. And in that moment, Love won. Jesus' death on the cross brought us new life. We don't have to be the person we were before. We don't have to live with the hurts of this life. We don't have to fear death. The joy that the promise of His love brings! Because of His promise to the thief that he would be with Him in paradise that day, we have the promise of seeing our loved ones again. Love wins. Every. Single. Time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Alive (Mary Magdalene)</b> - "The Author of all history. The Answer to all mysteries. The Lamb of God who rolled away the stone in front of every grave. Alive! Alive! Look what mercy's overcome. Death has lost and Love has won." Mary Magdalene was a woman who had her life transformed by the power of Christ. And she was the one who discovered the empty tomb. Her story is an example of what God can do in our lives when we allow Him to heal us, cleanse us and save us. And how God can bring about some pretty awesome things for us to be a part of. Her story (and ours) shows us that no one is too far gone for God to love. He is alive! He is the answer of every mystery and can move any obstacle in our way...and He will to get to us and surround us with His love.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Empty (Disciples)</b> - "But there's an empty cross, there's an empty tomb." Each of the disciples had a story of their own to tell. But they also have one to tell collectively. One that I'm sure is one we all share at some point. Here they had been devastated. They had chosen to follow Jesus, had trusted all His promises, had seen His miracles. And now they were huddled in a room all together, questioning, doubting, wondering if everything they had believed was really true. I've found myself in this same place many times. I've seen God's hand in my life. I've seen Him work out the impossible. I've seen Him answer my prayers. But then difficulty arises or doubt creeps in and I wonder if He really is listening. But we have the assurance that He is. The empty tomb is proof that the story isn't over. It's proof that God still works miracles and still pursues His children passionately. We serve a risen Lord!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>Move In Me (Paul)</b> - "I'm knocking on doors. You're holding the keys. Maybe they'll open, maybe they're not for me. I'm setting the sails. You'll ready the seas. But I won't make a move till You move in me." I can't wait to meet Paul in heaven. I think we could spend many years chatting. Here is a man who weathered storms, famine, beatings, and more struggle than I could ever comprehend. He was outspoken. He was determined. He didn't make a move without first consulting God. This past year has been a lesson in this for me. Paul's story is a compilation of short stories of God's provision time after time after time. I've seen this in my own life...especially this last year. I've taken some big steps of faith that have made no sense logically...but God has been in each and every decision. He is the One who opens doors. He is the One who works out each detail. And just as He provided for Paul, He will provide for us. If we seek His will in each and every decision we make, big or small, He will answer and He will guide us along the path He has for us. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>The Great Day (Second Coming)</b> - "Held between our joy and disbelief...when we fail to find the words, Holy, Holy we will cry." The culmination of your story, my story, all our stories will be found when Jesus comes to take us home. For those who have accepted Him as their Lord and Savior, we will be ushered into a home that we could never imagine in our wildest dreams. If He were to tell us what awaits us, we wouldn't believe Him. I have no idea what heaven holds for us, but I know I have family I can't wait to see again. I have the assurance that I get to see and hug my Momma again...and after 5 1/2 years so far, it won't be a moment too soon. I know that I will get to meet all those whose stories have served as inspiration for me...all those that I have written about in this post. But most importantly, I know I will finally meet and get to thank in person (though I could never thank Him enough) the One who gave His life so that I might live. I'll get to meet the One who has put up with all the ebbs and flows of my life and the One who is writing every word of my story. While there is a lot more I hope He allows me to experience in this life (I wouldn't mind living to be 100), I can't wait to see what He has in store for those who love Him!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I hope my feeble attempt with words doesn't cloud the miracles of these stories of the Bible. I know this has been a long post, but I wanted to share how all of our stories are connected and are being woven together to create the beautiful masterpiece God is writing. I pray that this Christmas God will show you His love in a new way and you will come to discover your part in the Story. And that you will find joy in each and every moment you are blessed to live! Merry Christmas!</span></div>
Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-60359489251208961502013-12-08T17:49:00.001-06:002013-12-08T17:49:51.784-06:00Joseph's LullabyEvery Christmas there is always one song that stands out from the others and speaks to me. Some years it's a new song. Others it's one I've heard a thousand times before. I know I'm a little slow on new things these days, but I recently figured out I could play songs from Pandora on my phone. So on my drives here and there and everywhere I've been listening to Christmas music. And one song that has played over and over is "Joseph's Lullaby" by MercyMe. I've heard this song before, but for some reason, this year it has whispered to my heart. <br />
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There are many things you can take from the song. How even with the burden of the road before Him, Jesus slept in perfect peace in that manger...and how we should be more concerned with sharing His love and resting in His love than in the hustle and bustle of the season. How God came in human form because of a love we will never comprehend and sought us to love before we ever dreamed of loving Him. How Christ was born with such a costly job to do. But the thing that stands out most to me this year is Joseph and the depth of love it took for him to take Mary for his wife and to love Jesus as his own child.<br />
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Joseph's story is an amazing account of an honorable man who chose to follow God in spite of the ridicule, shame, embarrassment or pain he may have faced. Joseph chose to do what few men back then (or even today) would have guts enough to do. But it was his love for Mary, and ultimately for God, that persuaded him to obey. What man would take a woman for his wife who was already with child? A child that wasn't his. We can look back now on the story and believe with faith that Mary was with child by the Holy Spirit. However, I'm sure at the time Joseph was filled with questions and doubts. Was the message from the angel something he could believe? Was it all really true? I can only imagine the thoughts that went through his head. And even after the angel came and told him the truth of the miracle and after God saw them safely to Jerusalem and the baby was delivered... I wonder if Joseph asked why in the world God would entrust him to raise His Son.<br />
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Joseph. A simple carpenter. He didn't have much. He wasn't from a prominent family. There was nothing to make him stand out from the crowd. Yet, God chose him to raise the One who would take away the sin of the world. What a daunting task! And Joseph chose to obey. He agreed to go ahead with the plan to take Mary as his wife. And he agreed to raise a child that was not his own. He took on Jesus as his own, loved him as his own, raised him as his own...knowing all along that this Child was special beyond belief. <br />
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I am amazed at Joseph's character and trust in God. And I am so thankful he chose to follow the path God had for him...no matter how scary or odd or difficult. It is in his love for Mary and the baby that we truly see an awesome example of God's love for us. The lengths that Joseph went to in order to care for Jesus and to provide a home for Him... They are nothing in compare with the lengths that God went to (and continues to go to every day) to care for and provide for us. <br />
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And that is what Christmas is all about! A love so deep and wide and far reaching that it came to a manger long ago in the form of a baby. And a love that was modeled so beautifully in the love that Joseph had for that baby. When I think of Joseph, I often think about how people take on the responsibility of sharing God's love with others at times when it may be difficult or scary or unpopular...whether it be adopting an orphan, taking in foster children, being a step parent, a grandparent raising grandchildren, working in a care giving field, providing a warm meal or warm coat for someone in need, providing gifts for a family in need at Christmas or just letting someone know they are loved...and how God can use each and every one of those stories as a testimony of His love and provision. <br />
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God chose Joseph all those years ago because He knew Joseph's heart was pure and was fixed on Him. He didn't chose him because he was perfect or had it all together. He chose him because He knew he would love Mary and His Son without condition. He knew that when we looked back and read the story that we would see His love for us in Joseph's love for baby Jesus. God came as a baby in a manger, prepared the way for salvation and gave a promise that He is always, always with us. No gift could be greater.<br />
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<br />Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-75806111652329563302013-12-01T09:50:00.001-06:002013-12-01T09:51:34.130-06:00And the Days Were Accomplished...<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today marks the beginning of one of my favorite times of year...Christmas! It's been a long struggle to get back to the feeling of joy during this season. After losing my mom in 2008, Christmas lost a lot of its joy for me. I had so many wonderful memories with my mom like putting up the tree the day after Thanksgiving, baking more goodies than we had table to put them on, going shopping and laughing over lunch and sharing Christmas morning with my dad, reading the Christmas story from Luke 2 before we opened gifts. I so miss those moments with her, but I'm so glad I have those moments to look back on. And I'm thankful that the joy is returning...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Life takes us through twists and turns. Some exhilarating and wonderful. Others...not so much. But everything that comes into our life has a purpose. Even those not so pleasant moments. God uses them all to weave our lives into the tapestry He is creating. And the way in which He weaves and the timing He has prepared are perfect...even when we can't see that with our earthly eyes. And so it was with the birth of Jesus...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="text Luke-2-1" id="en-KJV-24975">And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed. </span>(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.<span class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; vertical-align: top;"> </span>And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="text Luke-2-7" id="en-KJV-24981">And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn. </span>And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">When we look back on the story of the birth of Christ, we see such a beautiful expression of love and compassion and God's provision. However, Mary and Joseph didn't have the luxury of "looking back" and seeing God's weaving of the threads of the story. They were smack in the middle of it. Mary was nine months pregnant and about to pop when the decree went out that they had to travel to a far away city. And the trip would take place with her riding on the back of a donkey. Now, I've not yet had the privilege of carrying a child. However, I can assure you that riding on a donkey for miles and miles while being in the latter stage of pregnancy could not have been fun. But the struggle doesn't end there. You would think that God would have provided a nice, warm, soft place in which His Son would be born...free from dust and dirt and the smell of animal poop. But after the long ride...on the back of a donkey...nine months pregnant...Mary goes into labor. I can only imagine poor Joseph frantically trying to find somewhere for his wife to give birth and finding the only place is in a barn with the animals. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I wonder... I wonder if Mary and Joseph questioned what God was doing. Or if they questioned that they had really heard what the angel had said correctly. Surely when Mary found out she was carrying God's Son she imagined that giving birth would have been a lot different from what it turned out to be (a common thought still today...that we think life will turn out a lot differently than it does). I'm sure Joseph, when he accepted God's call to care for Mary and the baby, had no thought that he would be running around trying to find somewhere for them to stay. But even in the midst of what probably seemed like chaos, God was in control of it all and was weaving the most beautiful story ever told. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">One of my favorite parts of these verses is Luke 2:6..."the days were accomplished that she should be delivered..." The days were accomplished. Now, I love to read verses from different translations of the Bible. It helps with understanding that old English sometimes. However, the way the King James Version says it here says it best to me. It shows that God had His plan all along...that He had been working out each and every detail for the birth of His Son. It wasn't happenstance. It wasn't chance. It wasn't some surprise or caught Him off guard. The days were accomplished. Jesus was born at just the time and in just the way God planned. And the way He had planned makes the gift of Jesus accessible to us all...regardless of financial status, race, gender, social status. He came to us in a lowly manger surrounded by hay and animals and dirt and whatever else is found in a barn full of animals. There were no doctors or nurses. No hospital. No monitors. No clean linens or sanitized medical equipment. And yet, the miracle of Jesus' birth went off without a hitch. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And God can do the same in our lives. Sometimes in the middle of the madness, in the center of the chaos, we can lose our focus. We can forget that the days are being accomplished...that God is weaving the tapestry of our lives. And we can lose our joy. But if God took so much care and preparation and planning down to the minute detail to bring us salvation...in the form of a baby being born in a manger...in the middle of what seemed like chaos, how much more will He provide all we need. And that should bring us joy unspeakable. Even in the moments when we wonder what in the world is going on...He is there. Working behind the scenes. Moving things into place. Changing our hearts. Molding us to be more like Him. And His plan is perfect!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So as this Christmas season begins, my prayer is that we will all be able to find joy...even in the midst of uncertainty. The God who gave us the gift of His Son longs to give us the gift of His love each and every day. We can trust that He knows what He is doing. We can believe that when "the days are accomplished" He will work out His perfect will in our lives. Just as Mary and Joseph trusted God for the impossible, may we find joy in trusting Him to do the same for us. </span></div>
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Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-71210936585958093342013-10-16T22:16:00.000-05:002013-10-16T22:16:22.195-05:00Pursued, Loved and Confident in HimSo I've begun an online Bible Study for the book "A Confident Heart." While I was excited and knew it would be a good thing for me, I never knew the impact it would have on me...and we are only in week one! <br />
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As I've written about often, I struggle with self-doubt, with being good enough, with insecurity about not being competent enough, pretty enough, thin enough. The list goes on. I've talked about all the ways I've tried to stop the cycle of these thoughts. And I fail time and time again. So I decided I needed to do this study and read this book.<br />
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I'm so thankful I did! This week we are starting to read the book and discussing the first two chapters. Over this past week, as I was doing my normal morning devotional, I read James 1:17. I've read it thousands of times before, but this time I read it in a different translation...the VOICE. I actually discovered this translation from a Facebook post by Mandisa (Christian artist...whose songs I've used in my previous posts). Let me preface this by saying...there have been many times where I have felt (wrongly) that it has seemed like God has started to give me something I've prayed for only to snatch it back and say, "Just joking!" I know that is not the case...but I've often felt that way. Often times it's because I was pursuing something outside of His will or I was determined to have my way. But every time I am faced with heartache or adversity, that thought crosses my mind. But then I read this verse... "Every good gift bestowed, every perfect gift received comes to us from above, courtesy of the Father of lights. <b>He is consistent. He won't change His mind or play tricks in the shadows</b>." Wow. What a slap upside the head of that recurring thought that I have. God isn't a God who teases us or entices us with what He doesn't intend for us to have. And any thought I have that says otherwise isn't from Him...it's from the enemy. An attempt to destroy my confidence in my God. And in turn leads to doubt and the building up of walls to keep from being rejected or hurt...which in turn leads to isolation and loneliness.<br />
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Tonight, as I was reading Chapter 2 of our study, I came across this: "What we need is someone who will pursue us and accept us even though we're flawed. Yet most of us doubt anyone would ever stick with us if we let them get too close. So we put up walls and hide our struggles, even from God, hoping we'll convince Him and everyone else that we're fine." Again, wow. That really hit home for me. I long to be pursued and desired and wanted...in spite of my flaws. But often I find myself trying to be something I'm not or trying to live up to someone's expectation of what I should be...thinking that if I do that, then they will want me or want to be with me or will accept me. I go so far as to building up those thick walls around myself by staying busy, always saying yes even when I shouldn't, never really letting people in, agreeing rather than sharing my opinion for fear of rejection...all in an attempt to hide myself. I guess thinking I'm not worthy of being pursued or loved or accepted. And I always tell others I'm doing just fine...even when I'm falling apart inside. And in this attempt, the real me...the "Lori" God created me to be...gets pushed further and further down until there is little trace of me. I survive by deflecting any attention from myself to others. I do my best to make sure the focus is on others so that no one will see my flaws and, thus, reject me. I'm wonder if the woman at the well felt that way.<br />
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The book talks about this woman. She had been married five times and was living with a man that wasn't her husband. She was rejected, alone, exhausted and, I'm sure, felt unworthy of love. She comes to the well to draw water and meets Jesus. I'm sure she was afraid of the rejection and judgment she so often received from others. Just like a lot of us...we put on a good face and say we are ok and never let others in...afraid of rejection and judgment. But Jesus meets her...and meets us...where we all are. Without judgment. And willing to accept us where we are. We don't have to jump through hoops or perform a special trick to impress Him. He just wants us to come as we are. <br />
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Now, I haven't been married five times and am not the talk of the town gossips (as far as I know)...but I have had my share of rejection and judgment. To the point that it affects current relationships that I have. I keep up that wall and stay guarded...trying to keep from getting hurt again or being rejected. And that leads to doubts and questions and worry. But that is not how God wants me, or you, to live. He wants us to realize that we ARE loved. In chapter 2 of the book, Renee says, "...we are valued and pursued by the one who knows us and loves us." See, God knows me better than I know myself. He sees right through the walls, the doubts, the insecurities. And He loves me in spite of all of that. And if the Creator of this universe loves me with a love that pursues me, what have I to fear?! I can live in the confidence that if "God is for me, who can be against me..." <br />
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See God began a work in me (and in you) the day we were born. He has a plan and purpose for each of us. He longs for us to live fully in Him and to experience a joy and peace only He can give. Philippians 1:6 (again from the VOICE) says, "I am confident that the Creator, who has begun such a great work among you, <b>will not stop in mid-design</b> but will keep perfecting you..." He won't give up on us! Ever! Even when people give up on us or reject us or keep walking right on past us...when someone ignores the deeper need we have...God is right there. He will never give up on us. He will never reject us. He will see the deeper need and work to bring healing and restoration to our lives. <br />
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I'm so thankful for that! I'm so thankful that God isn't finished working on me and won't stop until the work is complete. I have a long way to go. But like the woman at the well, I am willing to come to Him, let Him bring healing to those deeply buried hurts and restore my life to the place He wants it to be. I'm ready to live in confidence and trust the plans He has for me. I'm ready to throw away the doubt and fear and insecurity and fully live in the joy of the moment. I'm willing to trust that God pursues me, accepts me and loves me with an everlasting love. And that even on hard days, I can live with a confident heart! (And at almost 40...it's about time!)<br />
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<a href="http://proverbs31.org/online-bible-studies/category/obs-blog-hop/" target="_blank"><img alt="P31 OBS Blog Hop" border="0" src="http://proverbs31.org/images/OBSBlogHop.png" /></a>Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-57969123274970055242013-10-13T09:31:00.000-05:002013-10-13T09:31:09.905-05:00My First Ever Online Bible StudyIf you are a reader of my blog, you know very well that self doubt and worry are things I struggle with all the time. It's like a broken record playing in my head...every day. I seek to trust God...to take His promises at face value...then life sends something my way that causes me to doubt. It's never a huge wave...it always begins with a little trickle. A little raindrop of the enemy whispering in my ear, "Are you sure about this? Are you sure this peace you feel about this situation is really from God? Or did you manufacture it?" I waste so much energy combatting these lies...worried that the peace I feel may not be from God...that it may be the enemy trying to get me to believe a lie...that the good things that have recently come into my life aren't really from God. I know, my mind is really messed up at times. And I'm sick of it. Sick of the cycle. Sick of the broken record...<br />
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And I've realized...I can't change this alone. Now, I've gotten better over the past several months. God has been working on me...a LOT. But I still struggle with this. I struggle with being able to accept good things...struggle with accepting that He longs to bless me with the desires of my heart...struggle with doubt that this time will be different than before. So when I heard about this online Bible study, I jumped on it!<br />
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I had ordered the book "A Confident Heart" awhile back. And it's been sitting on my nightstand along with a few other books that I intend to read. However, life is busy...I'm in grad school and starting my own private practice and also about to move to a new place. So I tend to neglect reading...even though I know I need to read these books. <br />
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Then I saw this study and knew it was one of those special gifts from God. A gift that He is giving to help me with my struggle. So I am super excited to be a part of it. I normally don't do stuff like this...I'm shy and somewhat introverted and shy away from "group" things. But this is all part of building that confident heart! So, here I am! <br />
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I'm very excited to meet others through this study and connect with women who share similar struggles and lives. That's the cool thing about this Christian life we journey through...we are never alone. And we lift each other up and encourage each other...cheer each other on...and we make it! My prayer is that God will use this time together studying His word and this book as a catalyst for a major miracle in all our lives! May we all be blessed with a confident heart!<br />
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<a href="http://proverbs31.org/online-bible-studies/category/obs-blog-hop/" target="_blank"><img alt="P31 OBS Blog Hop" border="0" src="http://proverbs31.org/images/OBSBlogHop.png" /></a>Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-38929137287185145882013-10-08T22:10:00.000-05:002013-10-08T22:10:03.053-05:00How Deep the Father's LoveI don't know about you, but I personally think I have the best dad in the world! I'm sure that a lot of daughters feel that way. But I'm also very aware that many daughters may not have had a good experience with their dad. So I know I'm very fortunate. And I'm thankful that I have had an earthly father who represents my heavenly Father so well. But I'll get back to that...<br />
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I currently spend a lot of time on Highway 49 between Hattiesburg and Gulfport and all along US 90. Hours upon hours within the span of a week. I'm not complaining...I actually enjoy driving. I can honestly say that I'm so thankful that I'll be moving to the coast in a couple of months and won't have to make so many trips, but there is a part of me that will miss those several-times-a-week drives.<br />
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My usual "M.O." is to put the headphones in, turn on my playlist in shuffle mode and take in the scenery. This is also prime "me and God" time. Some trips I sing at the top of my lungs to every song that plays through my headphones. Some days I just listen. Some days I don't turn any music on. But each and every single time I'm in that car I talk with God. Sometimes it may just be a word of thanks and praise for all He is doing. Other times it may be my crying out to God asking for answers when I feel like I should just give up. Sometimes I am overwhelmed and amazed at the beauty I see along the highway...this time of year is gorgeous...with the wildflowers displaying their hues of yellows and purples and the butterflies flitting around without a care in the world. Yet other times it's almost like an actual conversation...actually it IS a conversation...with me sharing my thoughts and questions and God responding to me with His still small voice. Those are my favorites. <br />
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It's in this "me and God" time that God is doing some of His deepest work in my heart. He's done a lot of that this year...some of it has been rather painful, some of it has been full of joy. But each and every instance is a thread in the masterpiece He is weaving in my life. Last week, during one of my trips, the thought occurred to me: Don't miss out on the answered prayers and little blessings along the way because you are so focused on the one prayer God hasn't answered yet. Don't let the delay of one expectation dim the joy of a met expectation. This epiphany hit me as I was making sure to pay special attention to the beauty around me. I realized that, had I been focused on the fact that the light didn't turn fast enough or that I was running 5 minutes behind or whatever business issue I needed to deal with rather than focusing on the flowers and the butterflies and even the doe and her fawn running through a field that God so graciously created, I would have missed out on so much. To some, the beauty of nature may not seem like a big deal. But to me, to have the gift of sight and sound and smell to be able to fully experience all He has provided is a huge deal. But how many times have I missed out on those simple joys because I was so focused on a problem I couldn't do anything about at that moment anyway?<br />
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So much of my life I have focused on those "big ticket items" so to speak. The big prayer requests. Those desires of my heart. And I get frustrated or worried or worn out in pursuit of them. How much of that energy that I've wasted on those things...things that God in His wisdom will bring about when He knows the time is right...things that He has an answer to if I will just let go of it and let Him handle it. And in the meantime, I've missed out on the joy of a simple moment. I've neglected to thank Him for the little prayers He answers each and every day. Those seemingly insignificant things that I take for granted. Just like I would have missed out on the wildflowers and the butterflies and the deer last week had I allowed my focus to be on the problems of the day rather than on the joy of the moment. <br />
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Earlier this week I was taking to my dad about life and things going on and things I hoped for and all that good stuff. Let me preface this by saying that I am so thankful for the relationship and friendship I have with my dad. I'm thankful that I have this time with him and that we've been able to develop the friendship that we have. My dad is truly my friend. He is also a man of few words (unless you really get to know him and then he talks a lot...but that is a story for another day). So when he says something profound it tends to stick with me. So as we were talking about those things and the hopes and dreams I have for my life, he told me that he hoped those things happened for me because I deserved it and deserved to be happy. Of course, my normal self deprecating comment was that I didn't deserve that much. But he pressed on and told me that I did...as any good father would. And as our heavenly Father does every day.<br />
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This morning during my drive, God brought that conversation with my dad to my mind and used it as a way to help me see that if my earthly father loves me that much and if he would be willing to do whatever it took to provide for me and if he thinks I deserve happiness...how much more does my heavenly Father feel the same?! It was a very humbling moment. To think that the Creator of all the beauty I see around me loves me that much! And the love of my earthly father, as vast as it is, is nothing compared to the love God has for me. And since He loves me, He longs for me to come to Him and to rest in Him...for the seen and the unseen. He longs for me to trust Him. And He desires for me to be joyful and thankful in all of those seemingly small moments (many that I find out later were part of the "working out" of the bigger moments) rather than miss out on them because I am so focused on what I don't yet have. <br />
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I want to live in and breathe in each and every moment! It's so hard to do. And so many things clamor for our attention...family, friends, relationships, work, starting up your own business, school, life... It can seem like a daunting task. But our Father longs to help us through each and every moment if we will simply rest in Him. I am the world's worst at fretting and trying to work things out. I'm a "fixer." And I am exhausted. I wear myself out worrying and trying to plan and trying to do things before it's the right time to do them. I try to figure out the future and plan my life around how I want things to turn out. And in the process, I wonder how many of those small moments of joy I have missed out on.<br />
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So I'm making it my focus...shifting my gaze toward my Father and resting in His arms. He already knows the plan and how it all works out...so why should I concern myself with things out of my control. Especially when His best for me blows my mind time and time again. Not to say that life doesn't get difficult or that there aren't reasons for concern. But when that becomes my focus rather than keeping my eyes on Him, that is where the problems begin. When I realize that He loves me more than I could ever comprehend and He wants the best for me...even if getting to the best takes time or means I have to walk through dark valleys to get there. Even in the moments that are beyond my human comprehension...He is there. Loving me. Carrying me. Guiding me. <br />
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I'm so thankful that God blessed me with an earthly father who represents His love and care to me. I know how fortunate I am. Because I know there are many who don't have that experience. And to you I say, let God surround you with His love. Let Him be the Father you so desperately want and need. His promises are true. Even when we doubt or wonder...He is always faithful. His ways are not our ways but His ways are good and right and best. And He loves us beyond measure. "How deep the Father's love for us...how vast beyond all measure."<br />
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<br />Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-1898113445212021542013-09-10T20:39:00.000-05:002013-09-10T20:39:03.015-05:00Here Again...Where You BeginHere again. Here. Why do I always come back to this place? Time and time again. To this place where I feel like I can't stand on my own. The the place where it feels like the last thread in the rope is about to fray. Back to the end.<div>
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I try. Really, I do. I do everything I can to keep from coming back to this place. I pray. I read my Bible. I listen to uplifting songs. I spend time alone. I spend time with God. I can feel when it's coming on. And I've gotten a lot better at doing that. And I'm getting even better at doing all the things I can to head it off. Yet, I still end up here. In this place of frustration and doubt and questioning and exhaustion. A place where I question if God is really listening to my prayers? A place to where I wonder if He has forgotten His promises to me. </div>
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It may sound odd that I'm back to this place. Especially right now. On the outside, things look fantastic! I've started a private practice with a friend. I get to do a job I love every day. I have been blessed with some wonderful people in my life. God has provided all I've needed...even when I don't see how the money will last or how something is going to work out. And I'm happy for the first time in a really long time. Well, let me say I'm joyful. Happy? Depends on the day. </div>
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Today has been a tough day. And the rest of the week is looking a little cloudy. See, I'm good at stuffing. I stuff my feelings. I stuff hurt. I stuff anger. I stuff. I'm getting better, but I still have a long way to go. I'm also a doer. A "yes man," of sorts. It's hard for me to say no. Again, something I'm working on but haven't quite mastered. When you combine those things, you find your way back to "here." Exhausted. Weary. Wondering if you are really capable and competent to do what you feel God is calling you to do. Wondering if it will all be worth it. And since I stuff and don't deal with things as they are happening, I can be prone to experiencing what we will call "the busting of the dam." See, you can only stuff so long before it has to come out. And mine usually comes out in one of two ways: I get really upset over something that isn't such a big deal (getting way better at not doing this) or I fall into a puddle of tears on my couch (haven't quite mastered not doing this one yet). Tonight was the puddle. </div>
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My frustration comes when I realize that I cannot break this cycle. I've tried. Believe me, I have. Like I said before, I pray and read my Bible and do what I can to prevent it from happening. But let's face it...I'm human. We all are. And being human means that sometimes life just gets the best of us. Even when things are going seemingly well. And somehow I find comfort in knowing that I don't carry this struggle alone.</div>
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Earlier this week, a college friend of mine posted a blog about how sometimes life just falls apart. (http://joyousrefrain.tumblr.com/post/60825479814/when-it-all-falls-apart) Her family has been through some very trying times this year. And all of this after stepping out in complete faith because of a call they feel God has placed on their lives. She talked about hanging on by a thread but trusting God to weave something beautiful out of it. And that is where the miracle occurs.</div>
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But, it's when we take those steps of faith, trusting God for what we cannot see or explain, that the enemy launches a full scale attack on our hearts and minds. We finally muster the courage to push away from the shore only to be met with a storm of tsunami like proportions. And wonder what in the world is going on. If God rewards the faithful, why does He allow the storms to come? If we are following the path He has led us to, why do we feel so alone or abandoned? I can't answer those questions. I don't know why God mixes the joys of life with the thorns. I don't know why, when He calls us out in faith and we follow, sometimes it feels almost like a punishment. </div>
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Some things we just aren't meant to understand. And for someone like me who likes to know what is going on and likes to be in control of things, that is like asking the a dog to quack like a duck. I want to know. I want to know when. I want to know why. I want to know how. And I want God to tell me right now! But I'm not God. And for reasons only He can know, He chooses not to reveal to us all things. So we get frustrated. We get tired. We try to do and do and do in our strength. And we melt in a puddle of tears on the couch all alone. </div>
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But I have found it is in those moments. Moments when we have reached the end of ourself. Moments when we cry out telling God we can't do it anymore. Moments where we tell Him we just need to know right now. It is in those moments. when we get to the end of our ropes, when we are hanging by that last fray of a thread... That is where He begins. </div>
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I can't explain it. It makes no sense to this human mind. But when I reach that point, where all I can do is cry out and lay it all before Him, that I see Him all the more clearly. It's almost like he uses the tears to clear out the dust from our eyes so that we can see Him. So that we can turn our focus completely to Him. And that's the point, I guess.</div>
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I, like my friend, still don't understand. I still have questions. I still want answers yesterday. There are things that I think I know that I find I have no idea about. Then there are other things which seemed so cloudy before that I can see clearly now. And I have to trust that God is faithful. That He will never leave or forsake me. That He does remember His promises to me. That He does see me in my darkest moments. I have to trust He is working all things out for my good. Even when I can't see it. I'm not meant to see it all right now.</div>
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So, even though on the outside things look smooth, on the inside I'm a jumbled mess. I'm a frazzled, tired, anxious person who doesn't have a clue what I'm doing most days. But God knows. He knows that sometimes we have to come to the end of ourselves before He can begin a great work. So He allows things and people and situations that may be trying or unpleasant or frustrating or just downright confusing in order to shift our focus. Look at Job. As much turmoil as he faced, he was still able to say, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." (Job 13:15) </div>
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So here I am. Again. I don't know the purpose of all of this. Only God knows that. I don't know why I can't seem to learn this lesson. But maybe that is the point. Maybe God continues to allow these moments so that I don't ever reach a point where I feel I can do it on my own. Where I feel I don't need Him. May I never reach a place where I don't recognize my need for Him. And so, like my friend wrote in her blog, I'll keep holding onto this thread and trusting Him for what's to come. I'll reach my end and get out of the way so He can begin. </div>
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Mandisa came out with a new album next week, and it is awesome! Today, this song has been especially meaningful...and where I got the title for my post today. I hope God will use it bless you as He has me.</div>
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Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-26042553661390758382013-08-14T14:01:00.000-05:002013-08-14T14:01:06.737-05:00Do I Trust Him Even If...<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Knock with caution at the door. They said, 'Beware of what you're praying for." So I'll stand with my whole desire in the middle of this forest fire till I've nothing left to show, and new life begins to grow." - <i>Burnin'</i>, Nichole Nordeman</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Not for the sake of a creed or a cause. Not for a dream or a promise. Simply because It is Jesus who calls, and if we believe, we'll obey." - <i>For the Sake of the Call</i>, Steven Curtis Chapman</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Over the past few months, God has done some really amazing things in my life. I've shared all of the wonderful opportunities and blessings on previous blogs. But sometimes I get distracted by the blessings (and yes, that is possible) and lose my focus on the One who gave me those blessings. And it is in those times that I begin to live with fear and doubt and questions. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Throughout my life, I have seen the hand of God. I have seen through both good and bad times that He has been there. I've prayed many times for Him to increase my faith or give me patience or make me more like who He created me to be. However, when He begins to do those things, I fight it. I don't do this intentionally. But when things start to get difficult, I get scared. I wonder if I'm on the right path. I wonder if this is really what God has led me to do. I wonder if I've mis-read the signs and have just read into things. But God didn't call us to a life of ease and comfort. And sometimes questioning and struggle are part of the process.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A lot of people think that once you become a Christian or you dedicate yourself more fully to following God's plan for your life that things will just automatically fall into place and be easy. But that's not the case. If anything, making those decisions often means life becomes more difficult and struggles become more real. When we choose to follow God, the enemy gets angry and tries everything he can to derail us. For me, he always attacks my mind and my thoughts. I've said it before in previous blogs...my mind runs ninety to nothing 24/7. And when I get overly exhausted or have too much going on that takes my focus off of God, I'm a prime target for those attacks. I read into things way to much. I over-analyze situations. I doubt and question every decision I've made. My imagination goes into over-drive. It's something I've always struggled with, but I am slowly winning the battle. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">See, God didn't call us to a life in Him for our comfort. He calls us to a life in Him so that we can serve Him by serving others, become holy and bring Him glory. This is never an easy task. And the process often brings pain and struggle and tears. We are being refined like gold in a fire...and it hurts. A lot. </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nichole Nordeman has a song called </span><i style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Burnin'</i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. I have grown to love this song over the past month. It talks about how, when we truly seek to know Him more, seek to live according to His plans for our life and seek to deepen our faith, it causes a "burning" in our souls. Jeremiah said,</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> "<span style="font-size: 16px;">Then I said, “I will not make mention of Him, </span><span style="font-size: 16px;">Nor speak anymore in His name.” </span><span style="font-size: 16px;">But</span><span style="font-size: 16px;"> </span><i style="font-size: 16px;">His word</i><span style="font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="font-size: 16px;">was in my heart like a burning fire, </span><span style="font-size: 16px;">Shut up in my bones; </span><span style="font-size: 16px;">I was weary of holding</span><span style="font-size: 16px;"> </span><i style="font-size: 16px;">it</i><span style="font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="font-size: 16px;">back, </span><span style="font-size: 16px;">And I could not" (Jeremiah 20:9). I myself have had those moments, especially here lately, where I have been overwhelmed to the point of tears. I've had many quiet moments alone where I can so clearly feel God's presence near me. I actually do have a "burning" in my soul. However, this burning is meant to rid us of ourselves in order to make us new, into the person God is calling us to be. It's a difficult process...like that gold that has been refined in the fire. And the closer we become to God, the more the enemy launches those attacks. So at a time when I should be full of excitement, I have had moments where I'm not. It's hard to admit that...especially when, on the outside looking in, everything seems to be "falling into place." And I'm not saying that things aren't. But I know that in the middle of all the good I've had some really dark moments that weren't so good. But God has been there in each of those moments and reminds me that this journey is all about Him and not about my comfort.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">See, even when things are going well, there are still issues to be resolved. Issues of the heart. Issues with finances. Issues with my relationships...with God and with other people. Issues with trust. Issues with worry over the future. Issues I've dealt with at some point off and on my whole life. Issues we all deal with at some point. But it's when those issues arise that we have a choice to make. We can either wallow in the doubt, self-pity, shame, guilt, worry, whatever emotion is there. Or we can bring the issue to God, lay ourself bare before Him and trust Him to do what is best. It doesn't mean the fear or doubt or whatever goes away immediately. At least not in my own life. But I have found that in spite of whatever the issue is, I have a peace. A peace to know that God will never leave me or forsake me. A peace to know that no matter what the outcome is, He is there. No matter what difficulty arises, He will provide. I'm going to have days where I doubt. I'm going to have days where I wonder how I'm going to pay a bill. I'll have days where I wonder if I'm crazy for taking so big a risk. I'll have days where I wonder if I should just give up. But when I have one of those days, I'll bring it to the One who already has the answer and whose plans far exceed mine. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 16px;">We have to reach a point in our life where we realize that we are trusting in God for no other reason than He has called us. Steven Curtis Chapman's song <i>For the Sake of the Call</i> says it best: </span>"Not for the sake of a creed or a cause. Not for a dream or a promise. Simply because It is Jesus who calls, and if we believe, we'll obey." That's a hard place to get to sometimes. At least for me. I have dreams I am trusting Him for. I claim promises that He gives. I am the first to jump up and fight for a cause I believe in. However, if I never get those dreams, if He chooses to delay fulfilling a promise, if the cause becomes worthless...will I still trust Him? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white;">It's a tough question. It's easy to follow God when everything is going our way. When the money is there, when relationships run smoothly, when the job promotion comes, when life is carefree. But what happens when d</span>evastation hits? A parent dies. You lose a job. The money appears to be running out with no relief in sight. A relationship fails. I've faced each and every one of those situations at some point in my life. And honestly, I can't always say I've chosen to still trust Him. I have yelled and argued with HIm (it's ok...He can handle it). I have doubted Him. I have questioned Him. I have begged and pleaded with Him. Eventually, I always come back around and do trust Him. But that's not enough. My goal is to reach a point where I bypass all that middle stuff...the doubt, the questions, the arguing, the begging and pleading...and simply trust. It's not like He hasn't proven Himself time and time again. But it's a struggle...and one the enemy gloats over when I give in to it. But my God is bigger than that. And bigger than anything that comes my way.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So as I go through this week, my prayer is that I will trust God more fully. That I will see the difficulty as my "testing by fire" and know that I will come out refined, stronger, better and more like the person He created me to be. That I will choose to ignore the emotions and the attacks on my mind and choose to trust His promises. That even if He delays in fulfilling His promises or holds off on granting the desires of my heart I will still trust Him. That I will trust Him "simply because it is Jesus who calls" and not because of what He can do for me or give me. That I will trust Him even in the quiet times, the dark times, the weary times. And that He will stir the fire in my soul...even though it may bring momentary pain...because I know "<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding </span><i style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">and </i><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;">eternal weight of glory" (2 Corinthians 4:17). I have found that when I focus on Him rather than on the blessings He bestows, I do trust Him even if...</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Burnin'</i> by Nichole Nordeman (not my favorite video but the song is what is important)</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>For the Sake of the Call</i> by Steven Curtis Chapman</span><br />
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Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-15010492676450952342013-07-25T10:01:00.000-05:002013-07-25T10:01:29.039-05:00Timing Is Everything<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For those of you who read my posts on Facebook lately, I apologize for all the (obnoxious) updating about my life I've been doing lately. I know that I can go a little overboard when I get excited. However, when God works in the ways He has been working, I can't help but get excited. I have been so completely overwhelmed and humbled by every single moment of the past couple of months. Things have happened that have been beyond my wildest dreams, but right in line with His. And one thing I've learned is that timing is everything. And His timing is perfect!</span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nicole and I have had two meetings in the past week. Meetings we were prepared for, but, as newbies to this private practice and business ownership thing, not completely sure of some things. I will say that through this whole process neither of us has really been nervous or worried. We've just had a peace and calm...knowing that this is what we are meant to do. So last Friday we had a meeting with an amazing music school that truly "gets" what we do and would love to partner with us to offer Kindermusik classes. They had a teacher that had been doing a first steps music program for the past year. However, she has taken a full time job elsewhere and is leaving...which leaves a need for music classes for young children at the school. Enter Nicole and I. We went and did a cold call drop in a few weeks ago to introduce ourselves and explain what we were doing. Long story short, we ended up scheduling a meeting with the owners. The meeting went very well...beyond our expectations. The owners are amazing people who not only love music and love teaching kids but also have a heart for kids with disabilities and understand their need to have opportunities to actively engage in music. All involved believe that our partnership will be a good fit and will provide more music opportunities to more children in the area and fulfill a need for services. So that was last Friday, and we are working on getting the details worked out. We left that meeting on cloud 9 and feeling like we had been given a huge gift.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So this past Tuesday we had another meeting. This one with a center that provides therapy for children with Autism and related developmental disabilities and their families. We went into the meeting not sure what to expect but assuming we would have to do some educating on what music therapy is and how we can benefit their clients. However, we were wrong. When we got there, we noticed that several people started coming in...people we recognized from their website and being members of the Board of Directors. So here we are, expecting to just meet with the director and have a little meeting...and we end up in a full blown meeting with board members! Talk about overwhelmed! The meeting was amazing! Again, more people who get what music therapy is all about and are excited about what we can provide. We went in the meeting expecting to make some contacts and set up another formal meeting once they had time to discuss it. We came out with an offer for partnering with the clinic, a request to meet with their builder to discuss where we want our office and treatment rooms and an invitation to dinner tonight to meet with the full board and all the "important" people involved in the center! This was HUGE! It was all Nicole and I could do to get to the car in a dignified manner before breaking into a happy dance! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And before either of these meetings, God has opened doors that have provided us studio space in Gulfport for music therapy services and Kindermusik classes and that have brought some wonderful, supportive people in our lives to help guide us through this process. This stuff doesn't just happen! Ever... And there is nothing that I have done that made any of this happen...other than following God's leading to make a phone call or send an email. But I have found that when I am obedient to do even those simple things, He will open the floodgates.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Nicole and I were talking on the ride back Tuesday about how timing is everything. Had any one moment of the past six months been different in our lives, none of this would have happened! Moments that were difficult. Moments that brought tough decisions. Moments that brought joy. Moments that brought tears. Each moment was a part of the bigger picture. Every single moment...from people that I've met to decisions about when to quit a job to those phone calls and emails. I truly believe God had a hand in each and every moment.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I often question God's timing. I'm not a patient person by nature. I've had people tell me I am...that I'm patient because I'll wait for things to work out in certain situations or because of the work that I do or whatever. But I know me, and I am the farthest thing from patient...at least in my own mind. I want what I want now. I want my prayers to be answered immediately. And if God doesn't answer them immediately, I want to know why and what is going to happen when. But God doesn't work that way. He takes His time, molding our lives in a way that brings Him glory. And He has definitely taken His time in my life. It used to frustrate me and depress me...why does He make me wait for things He knows I want so deeply? Why won't He hurry up and give me the deepest desires of my heart? Desires that I know have been placed there by Him. But I forget...His promises are true, He is faithful and He can see what I can't.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Last night at church, we read several scriptures that spoke to these facts and that confirmed His timing is perfect. Isaiah 55:8-9 says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways...As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Proverbs 16:9 says, "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps." Wow. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">See, I struggle with God a lot. I question and doubt and wonder what is taking so long. But then I have moments like the past few weeks and months, and I can see the answers. He longs to give us good things. This doesn't mean life is always roses and butterflies and rainbows. Sometimes the path to those good things is filled with struggle and pain. I've seen that in my own life and in the lives of people that I love. Life is still life, and it's not meant to be one big joy ride. But I have seen how God has taken each and every moment of my 39 years to shape me and mold me into the woman He created me to be. It's a work in progress...a hard work. But God has never left me...even in the darkest moments when I thought He had, He never did. There are things I've prayed for that He chose not to give me...and to this day, I don't understand why. I may never understand this side of heaven. But my faith allows me to trust Him and His faithfulness in spite of the things I don't understand. And I have to remember that this life isn't mine...it's His. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I am a planner. I plan, and I plan, and I make plans for the plans. I'm a little OCD and definitely Type A. But life over the past few months has taught me to be more spontaneous...to live life outside the box...to fly freely in God's grace. Proverbs 16:9 reminds me that my plans don't amount to much when God has something so much bigger in store. And I'm so thankful for that!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">See God doesn't want us to settle for less than His best for us. I've heard that so often but never really understood it. I could settle for less, but why would I when He has so much more! I've seen in my own life how, If would have settled for certain things and situations...things that I knew were not the best for me and were not God's plan for me...I would have missed out on some pretty awesome blessings He did have in store for me. Now, I understand that I have been very blessed to be in the position I am to do what I'm doing. I get that not everyone has the opportunity to take this big of a risk. However, God can work wonders right where you are if you will only let go of holding on to your plans and let Him work out His plans for your life. I've shared this before on a previous blog, but I was told by someone who has encouraged me along this journey that sometimes it's not about our plans. Isaiah 55:8-9 says as much. His ways and thoughts and plans are so far beyond our wildest imagination! One of the men we met with also made the comment that his father had told him that we have to "let go of the dock." We have to let go of what we are holding onto...things that weigh us down or keep us back from the blessings God has in store for us. I've spent most of my life hanging on. Hanging on to fear and doubt. Hanging on to comfort. Hanging on to my thought of "what if this goes wrong or I get hurt." Hanging on to my thoughts of how things should go. Hanging on to negative thoughts and allowing the enemy to flood my mind with irrational thoughts. It's time to let go... To let go and allow God to do what only He can do. To dismiss the thoughts that say things aren't possible and trust the One who can do the impossible.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As the past few months have proven in my life, timing is everything and God knows what He is doing. Even when it is taking longer than I think it should. Even when I feel I'm getting too old to see a dream come to fruition. Even when I don't see how something could be humanly possible. Even when I have no idea where the next paycheck is going to come from. God is bigger than all of that! His timing is perfect and in His plan, everything happens right on time. Age is just a number...God is not bound by my age...He can still give me those desires of my heart I think I need to give up on because I'm too old for them. Even when things are humanly impossible, God can do the impossible...and, I've found, delights in doing those things we can't do ourselves. And God's provision is always there. Maybe not in the way or amount I want, but in a way that provides for my needs. It doesn't mean that He gives us everything we want. But if we will learn to align our hearts with His and seek His will, He will make our paths straight, show us where to go and will provide for all we need to fulfill HIS dreams for our lives.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The things He has shown me throughout my life, and especially over the past six months, have blown me away. I'm still so far from the woman I need to be and still have a lot of growing to do. And I still have moments of doubt and failure and questions and just bad days. But God is faithful through it all and is composing each and every moment into a beautiful melody. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">If you are in a dry place, a place of waiting, a place of questioning if He is working out His plan in your life...hang on! I know it's hard...trust me. I've spent many nights crying out to Him and asking Him if He had forgotten me. This world throws so many images at us of what is "normal" and where we should be by what stage in life. Forget those things! God's plan is way better than anything this world can offer! Yes, I am still waiting on some of those deep desires, and I wonder almost daily what the hold up is. But I've also realized that if God gave me everything all at once it would be too much for me to handle. There are also things He may still need to work on before granting those desires...things in my life, things in someone else's life, things in the situation, whatever it may be. And I have come to trust that it's in the quiet moments, those moments where it seems nothing is happening to move a situation forward, that He is doing some of His best work. And He is working out things that are so far beyond my wildest dreams I can't even begin to comprehend it. Because, let me tell you, when He started moving a couple of months ago, He moved! And hasn't let up yet! We can't see the full picture, but He can. And He IS working out each and every moment...in His way...in a way that will bring Him glory and us joy. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So trust Him and know that His timing is perfect...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I couldn't find a video for this song, but I love the lyrics! He definitely has exceeded my expectations!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"Never Loved You More" by Nichole Nordeman</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">Well, you could take a cup and fill it up</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">And just keep on filling til it all comes</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">spilling down the sides</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">That's what You do in my life</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">Or you could watch the sky at sunrise</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">And see the clouds turn shades I never</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">knew could make me want to cry</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">That's what You do in my life</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">Never mind moderation</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">You exceed my expectations</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">I have never loved You more</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">'Cause You have never loved me less</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">Than the day before, or the day before</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">I have never loved You more</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">Have you ever tried to count the stars way up past Mars?</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">It will blow your mind</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">Don't even try to think about infinity</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">But that's how You love me</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">Much more than I can contain</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">A balloon once tethered to the ground,</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">But could not stick around to stay</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">Free to fly away</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">Never mind moderation</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">You exceed my expectations</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">I have never loved You more</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">'Cause You have never loved me less</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">Than the day before, or the day before</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">I have never loved You more</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">I have never dared to dream</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">Beyond what I've already seen</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">The day before, or the day before</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">I have never loved You more</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">Exceedingly, abundantly more</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">I have never loved You more</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">'Cause You have never loved me less</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">Than the day before, or the day before</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">I have never loved You more</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">I have never dared to dream</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">beyond what I've already see</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">The day before, or the day before</span><br style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;">I have never loved you more </span></div>
Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-42640518335274910082013-07-18T09:34:00.001-05:002013-07-18T09:44:49.319-05:00Faithful Love<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">"Why should I gain from His reward,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I cannot give an answer.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But, this, I know with all my heart,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">His wounds have paid my ransom."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As most of you know, I am now in private practice with a fellow music therapist in Gulfport, MS. I haven't yet moved (hopefully that will take place early next year, or whenever God has it in the plans...I'm learning my plans don't mean much these days, which is completely fine), so that means I get to spend a few days a week driving either down to the coast or back home. I say "get to" because I am one of those people who actually enjoys driving. I guess after years and years of driving at least 40 minutes one way to and from work, I have come to cherish my travel time. I often spend this time listening to music...usually a mix of songs that I have put together. I have a ton of playlists with music varying from rock to Christian to folk to blues to pop. I usually end up putting songs together that are a favorite at the time or that speak to me in some way or that are pertinent to something I'm dealing with. I develop new playlists every couple of months or so, and it is always interesting to go back a couple of years and look at the songs I was listening to. I can pretty much tell you what was going on in my life based on the music I was listening to. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Well, a couple of months ago I was listening to some music and came across some older songs that I had by Nichole Nordeman. Her lyrics are so, so good. She truly has a gift for writing. So after finding these songs, I decided to download a couple of her albums. I'm sure I have the CD (or possibly even cassette tape - yep, I know, I'm old) somewhere, but trying to find it between my house here and my dad's house would be like looking for a needle in a haystack. So I decided to just download them again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So back to my drive to the coast this past week. I normally select one of my playlists and then hit shuffle. This means that I don't always get to hear all the songs in the list. But I like the "randomness" of this because I never know what song is coming on next. But as I have come to find in life, nothing is ever really random. At least not when you look at it from God's perspective. So as I was driving down Highway 49, a song came on that I had never heard before. It's an arrangement of a modern hymn written by Stuart Townend that Nichole Nordeman did on one of her albums. The words are beautiful and haunting and spoke so clearly to me in that moment. Each and every lyric is powerful (I'll post them at the end), but the last verse was what struck me...</span><br />
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<b><i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Why should I gain from His reward,</span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I cannot give an answer.</span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But, this, I know with all my heart,</span></i></b><br />
<b><i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">His wounds have paid my ransom.</span></i></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Why should I gain from HIS reward? The past couple of months have brought many good things into my life. Things I could never have imagined. God took my prayers, my deepest desires and then amplified them by a million and answered in a way I still cannot explain or comprehend. And He is STILL working! I have been so humbled by His goodness and provision. There are things I cannot humanly explain that have fallen into place and that continue to happen. There are people who have been placed in my life that have brought so much joy and goodness. There has been provision that my human mind could never have seen. And I have done NOTHING to deserve any of it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But God's love is like that. He is faithful even when I am not. He sent His only Son to die for me, to do what I could never do for myself, to pay my ransom. Why? It surely isn't because I've done anything for Him. It's not that I could ever pay enough for my soul. It's not that I love Him faithfully. It's not that I'm good. Because I haven't, I can't, I don't and I'm not. But He is and has and can and does.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">People come into our life with promises of love. Parents, friends, spouses, significant others. And we all mean well when we promise to love someone. And we do our best. But it's hard. We are selfish at times. We get frustrated. We choose to only see one side of a situation. We don't listen completely. We get tired. And things build and build and build until there is resentment or anger or we just give up. But we are human, and the Bible says that God remembers we are dust. He knows that we can't fulfill any promise of unconditional love...at least not without Him. And we can't seek to find in another human being what can only be found in Him. This isn't to say that our human relationships can't work and can't be successful. But not in our own strength. He has to be a part of it, the main part, for it to be possible. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I can't seek to find this kind of love in anyone or anything else. That's a burden to big for any of us to bear in our frail, human frames. This kind of love can only be found in Him for</span><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"> He has promised, and He is faithful to His promises (Hebrews 10:23). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">See, it's nothing that I've done to earn His love. He loves simply because He is love. He loves because we are His children, and no matter what we could ever do, His love will never go away. We can rest in that promise. Isaiah 32:17-18 says, "The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever. My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Undisturbed places of rest. This doesn't mean that life will be easy. That everyone we love will love us in return. That life won't be hard. That nothing bad will ever happen. What it is saying is that God is faithful and will give us undisturbed places of rest. This means that even when life is raging about us, we can have peace. Undisturbed peace. Peace that passes understanding (Philippians 4:7). Because we know that whatever life brings, whatever attitude we have, whatever right or wrong we do...God's love is unchanging. It is faithful. HE is faithful.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I have no idea what this life will bring. I know so far it has brought loss, heartache, grief, anger, love, friendship, goodness, bad times, prosperity, lean times, favor, not being favored and everything in between. But the constant in it all is God's faithful love. If He loved each of us enough to send His only Son to die and suffer hell so we wouldn't have to, undeserved on our part, what will He not do for us, His children whom He has ransomed and loves? My hope isn't in my own ability to do well or in another human being or in a circumstance or in money or in anything this life brings. We have to realize this love can only be found in Him. My hope is in Him and Him alone. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My prayer is that you will experience His faithful love. I promise you that even if life gets hard, He will still be there. I promise you He will never leave. I promise you He will never stop loving you. You can have love that is faithful and true. How deep the Father's love for us...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>How deep the Father's love for us,<br />How vast beyond all measure<br />That He should give His only Son<br />To make a wretch His treasure<br /><br />How great the pain of searing loss,<br />The Father turns His face away<br />As wounds which mar the chosen One,<br />Bring many sons to glory<br /><br />Behold the Man upon a cross,<br />My sin upon His shoulders<br />Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,<br />Call out among the scoffers<br /><br />It was my sin that left Him there<br />Until it was accomplished<br />His dying breath has brought me life<br />I know that it is finished<br /><br />I will not boast in anything<br />No gifts, no power, no wisdom<br />But I will boast in Jesus Christ<br />His death and resurrection<br /><br />Why should I gain from His reward?<br />I cannot give an answer<br />But this I know with all my heart<br />His wounds have paid my ransom</i></span><br />
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<br />Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-86953225939425974942013-06-23T18:35:00.000-05:002013-06-23T18:35:11.922-05:00Change Is a Comin'....<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Since my last post on fear, as I predicted, I've continued to struggle with worry and doubt and fear on some level. I've continued to struggle to choose to see the good rather than worry about what could go wrong. I suspect that it will always be something that I struggle with in some way. But I'm getting better, and God is proving faithful each and every time I cry out to Him. And I'm going to need that assurance of faithfulness in the coming days...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Since I made it official this week, I guess I can share my news! I am taking the biggest leap of faith I've ever made in my life. I am quitting my current job in the middle of July and am going into private practice with my music therapy colleague, Nicole. We are both getting certified in Kindermusik and hope to offer both Kindermusik classes and music therapy services to families on the coast. I am very excited and completely overwhelmed at this opportunity at this point in my life! It couldn't have come at a better time. I will be done with graduate classes in February and then plan on moving to the beach (or at least in close proximity). And all this means a big change is coming for my life...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Change is normally something I'm scared of. I am a person who likes routine and likes to know what to expect and what is going on. I'm not a huge fan of surprises. And when I am aware that change is coming, I plan like crazy. However, with this endeavor, I'm not afraid. And I'm pretty sure it's because I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that this is the path I was meant to follow. Some of my long standing dreams are coming true.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I turn 40 this year. And I'm actually excited about that. And I'm excited that all this change is happening in conjunction with that event. God has placed people in my life and allowed situations in my life to guide me right where He wants me to be. I don't have it all figured out by any means! But I know and trust the One who does. I used to view 40 as this "old" age or that if I hadn't reached all my dreams by then, life would be over. But I'm finding just the opposite to be true. I'm finding that I have confidence and motivation now that I didn't even have five years ago. If you would have told me 10 years ago that this is how things would turn out, I would have laughed at you. And then I probably would have wondered why it couldn't happen sooner. But I can say that, had any single event or person been different, my life wouldn't be heading down this path. God has planned each and every moment...beyond my expectation and imagination.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So at almost 40, here I am basically starting over, so to speak. I've never been one to follow the "normal" road of life. No marriage, 3.5 kids and the white picket fence all by 30. The thought of getting married or having a child after 40? Never in a million years would I have said I would be ok with that. But now? I am totally open to that and actually excited about the possibility. (And let me make a disclaimer...No I don't have any immediate plans to do either before anyone reads anything into that or gets all excited...but God knows what His plans are concerning those things, and I trust Him that He will give me those desires of my heart.) I've always been a late bloomer, and I've always marched to the beat of my own drum. And I've always been my own individual. Not to say there haven't been bumps along the way or that I haven't gotten discouraged. However, I can look back at all of that and know that for my life to be turning out like it is now is very fitting and very "me." And I wouldn't change a thing! I still don't have all the answers, but I have a peace that I will get each answer I need at the appropriate time. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Due to a few situations that were allowed into my life, I made the decision back in May to begin looking into other work options. Long story short, in the matter of a week's time, I looked into Kindermusik, found an educator on the coast that needed another educator to help teach and registered to begin training. Then the next week, I met with her and ended up having lunch with some other friends...which then turned into a discussion about private practice. And since that time, each and every week (sometimes daily), opportunity after opportunity, lead after lead, open door after open door has been placed in my path. I cannot even explain it or comprehend it. I could not have planned any of this if I tried. However, as I was told by a very wise man, "sometimes it's not about our plans." And that is so true. And now a month and a half after my initial decision, I am about to jump head first into private practice with Nicole and am making plans to move in the next 8 to 10 months. So different from what my initial plan was when I moved to Hattiesburg...but exactly what I need and want to do. Again, not my plan but His.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have long had the dream of starting my own private practice. And I have always wanted to work with children. And I am now seeing those dreams becoming reality. God just took me down a different road than I thought I would take to get to this point. But I wouldn't change a thing. If one single thing had been different, there are some very wonderful experiences I would have missed and some very special people I may have never met. So I'm thankful that it's taken this long. Never thought I'd say that! But I'm learning that trusting God also means trusting His timing and His attention to each and every detail in my life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There are other dreams I have for my personal life...dreams I've waited long for. But dreams that I can see God working out. Details that He's putting into place. Changes He's making in me, to grow me and make me into the woman I need to be for what He has planned. Things I could not have ever planned or imagined. Things that have blown my mind because it is so far beyond and better than anything I could have asked for. But, again, "sometimes it's not about our plans." Now, I have no idea how things will turn out, but I'm hopeful. And I know that regardless of the outcome, God will still remain faithful and will still provide all I need. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have no idea what the next year will bring. I'm sure it will be full of very high highs and possibly some very low lows. I know that I have a lot of hard work ahead of me and possibly some lean times. But I know that I can't wait to see what God has in store! I know that He has placed some amazing people in my life who have been so encouraging and supportive and have threatened to hurt me if I don't pursue this. A close circle of a few who I know will have my back no matter what happens. And with that and God by my side, how can I not jump wildly into this adventure?!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So as 40 approaches, I am embracing the changes that are coming. I am embracing this path that God has so lovingly laid out for me step by step. I know the changes that He has done in me, and I'm so thankful for His patience as I navigate through those. That same wise man who told me it wasn't about our plans also told me not to look back and to embrace the future. And that is just what I intend to do. Embracing the changes....</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Jeremiah 29:11</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a future and a hope." - What better promise can you rest on?</span>Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-47504371140649483852013-06-10T21:33:00.000-05:002013-06-10T21:33:24.251-05:00FEAR<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Fear. A four letter word I hate more than other four letter words out there. A four letter word that brings more harm and pain and unrest than any other four letter word. Four little letters that can bring grown men and women to their knees. At least this grown woman...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My entire life I have been one of those people who "hope for the best but prepare for the worst." I have lived afraid to enjoy the good times because I'm afraid that the other shoe is going to drop and a bad time is lurking right around the corner. This friend will betray me just like the last one did. This guy is just like all the others who lied. This situation will end up just like the last one. I even go so far as to be afraid of being happy, thinking (illogically, I admit) that the very act of being happy and not worried about anything will immediately cause something to go wrong. Twisted, I know. Crazy? I get it. Illogical? Of course. Sinful? Hmmm.... Hadn't really thought of that.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I get my predisposition to worry and fear honestly. I come from a line of worriers. My mom worried. Her mom worried. So it honestly is a "learned" behavior (for all you psychology enthusiasts out there) combined with a life that hasn't always dealt the best of hands. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm blessed. Beyond measure. My life has been a ride down easy street compared to others that I know. And I am forever grateful for that. However, I still worry. Now, my dad? Not so much a worrier. Why I didn't take more after him in that area? Who knows. So, I worry. And allow fear to dominate my life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Until now. The past several months have brought about some of the most trying times, some of the most delightful times, some of the most unsettled times and some of the most growing times. Due to a couple of different circumstances in my life, I've been on the roller coaster of emotion. And I don't just mean the kiddie ride. Some days I feel like I've ridden the Rocking Roller Coaster at Disney World! Now, I have actually ridden it. Twice. And I liked it. I overcame my fear, conquered that ugly monster and had a blast. However, other days have been straight up like the Tower of Terror ride (also at Disney). I have ridden it. Once. Will NEVER do it again. Not a fear I care to conquer. And there have been days that have emulated both of those in the past few months. I've been faced with opportunities, situations, life events that have hurled me from 0 to 60 in 5 seconds...things that have scared me to death but that turned out to be exhilarating and amazing. Then there have been days when I feel like I'm plummeting to my sure death and have experienced pain and doubt and worry. Days that have made me physically ill. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">However, in the midst of all of that, God has been working on me. In a very real and powerful way. He has used friends, family, my new church family and situations to break me, to mold me, to change me. It has not been a fun or easy process. But I'm getting there. My normal reaction to a difficult situation is to go into full on "freak out mode." (Yes, that is a clinical term...at least to me.) The cycle goes something like this: situation occurs that causes me pain or doubt, I immediately think the worst and freak out (definition: over react, cry, get mad at God, assume the worst, question everything, think illogically). Then I pray (notice this is one step out of the order it should be in). Then I calm down and begin to think logically. God reveals whatever it is I need to see. I am able to realize either a solution or find a peace about the situation. Life goes on. Until something else happens...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I've been stuck in this cycle for years. Until recently. Now, any change is going to take time and work. It's going to hurt. It's going to be hard. It's going to take determination and will to ignore the illogical thoughts and replace them with logical ones. It is going to take faith to trust God has my best interest at heart even when everything around me says differently. And I don't like it. But I've reached the point in my life where I refuse to be bound by worry and fear. I refuse to miss out on happy moments because I'm waiting for the bad to happen. I refuse to let FEAR have the last word. And it is a struggle of gigantic proportions. But I'm getting there. In the past few months I've learned to switch the steps of that cycle around. Now, when a trying time or a trial comes my way, my first reaction is to pray. To seek God's face and fall before Him and lay it all out there. I ask Him to show me HIS truth in the situation and to give me peace no matter the outcome. We had a speaker at church the other week who talked about allowing God to shine His light into the dark places of your heart...the places where all the hurt from the past dwells...and to ask Him to heal those parts of you. It really hit home. But the kicker is this... In order for God to do that, I have to be willing to LET GO. Which is my other issue....</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I am a control freak. Yep, I admit it. Type A personality all the way. And there are times it comes in handy. I can multi-task like nobody's business. I am organized. I can plan a calendar so specifically a 2 year old could understand it. I can put on a play from start to finish including sets and props and costumes and scripts and make sure it runs like clockwork. So when life doesn't go according to plan, I freak out. However, I am not in control. God is. And in order for Him to heal and work and bring about His miracles, I have to let go of those things I'm hanging onto. The main reason I don't? My feeble earthly perception is that if I hold onto it, I can manipulate it into what I think it should be. That if I let go, God may not do what I want Him to do. The outcome may not be what I desire. But guess what? Every time I try to do it in my own power, in my own way...it NEVER goes well. I always mess it up. Royally. I push things to hurry up before their time. I seek an answer when I'm not ready to accept the answer just yet. I am willing to accept less than the best for a momentary pleasure. I even often hurt others and myself in the process. God knows what He is doing. I do not. It's that simple. Yes, I can make mundane decisions that don't affect much. But I'm training myself that, even in the simplest of decisions, I need His guidance and direction. When I learn that, then I can face whatever comes my way. If my prayer gets answered the way I want... great. If it doesn't...great because God has something better or sees something out there I can't yet see. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So when you add worrying to control freak, you often get a jumbled mess. It's a never ending cycle of unneeded hurt, illogical thinking and striving for things I have no business striving for. I waste energy. I waste resources. I waste time. Now, I'm not saying we should sail through life, happy go lucky, not a care in the world. Life is HARD. Sometimes, it almost kills us. But over the past few weeks I have discovered something...something that I've heard my whole life. But something that I've never truly believed or understood until now.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Worry, doubt, fear are all rebellion against God and are sin. Now yes, there is healthy fear. The kind that keeps you from getting in a car with a serial killer or keeps you from jumping off the Grand Canyon thinking you'll land safely. I'm not talking about that kind of fear. I'm talking about paralyzing fear. Fear that keeps you up at night, that keeps you from stepping out on faith, that keeps you from living this abundant life God gave us to live. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Last Wednesday night at church we read a passage from Deuteronomy 1:31-33. Earlier in the week I had a specific worry and concern. Brief sidebar: for those who may not know, I'm embarking on perhaps the scariest yet most fulfilling adventure of my life. I'm stepping out completely in faith, trusting God and Him alone for His provision and favor and blessing, and starting a private practice and moving at some point to the coast. This has been a very overwhelming time...overwhelmed at God's goodness and grace. I have no doubt in my mind the path He is leading me down, and each week (sometimes each day) brings about more confirmation that this is what I'm meant to do and where I need to be headed. However, there have been concerns along the way. Worries. Doubts. FEAR. And with all He has shown me, I should have none of that. I will say that I haven't worried like I usually do. I have a complete peace that passes understanding about the grand scheme of it all. It's the little day to day things that tend to freak me out. Some that I have no control over. Some that I have to completely release into His hands. My prayer this entire time has been for His will to be done...regardless of if it fits along with mine or not. Because in His will is the only place I will be truly joyful, happy and secure.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So back to Deuteronomy 1:31-33. This passage says, "There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place. IN SPITE OF THIS, YOU DID NOT TRUST THE LORD YOUR GOD, who went ahead of you on your journey, in fire by night and in a cloud by day, to search out places for you to camp and to show you the way you should go. See that all caps section? Yeah, it jumped out at me like a rattlesnake out of tall grass! You see, I have seen God's hand all along my life. And in this specific situation, I've seen Him do things that there is no other explanation for other than it was God. I remember I was down on the coast a month ago, and driving back from dinner, we saw a double rainbow stretching out over the water. And in that moment, I felt God remind me of His promises, of His faithfulness and of His provision. I made the commitment in that moment not to worry again about any of this. That lasted about for a couple of weeks before I started to doubt and fear again. Until this past weekend when I saw the exact same thing in almost the exact same spot. Now, you can say what you want about signs and wonders and all that. However, I know that God can use whatever He wants to speak to our hearts. And He used that rainbow. And He uses His word daily right now. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I realized as I drove home from church that night that I had been rebelling against my faithful Father. I had allowed the sin of fear and worry to shape my life. And it had to stop. "In spite of this"...in spite of all the things He has done and continues to do in my life...I did not fully trust Him. If you read the story leading up to these verses, the Israelites had wandered in the dessert for 40 years. God had provided for their every need. They didn't necessarily see where the final destination would be, but God did. And "in spite of" all of His provision and faithfulness, they did not trust him. I turn 40 this December. God has led me for 40 years. Through valleys. On mountain peaks. Through good times and bad. He's carried me through losing my mom. He's led me to places I never thought I'd go. And "in spite of" all of that, I still doubt Him. How that must break His heart...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I look at it as a child and parent relationship. Now, I don't have a child of my own. This is another area in which I am trusting Him. I see an almost 40 year old with no possibility of having one of my own. God sees me like he saw Sarah and Hannah and Elizabeth. He sees His way. He sees possible. I long for the day I get the privilege of being called mom. And yet, as much as I would love my own child, God loves me even more. He wants HIS best for me, and HIS best blows my best out of the water. Think of how a child trusts their parent. Picture a dad swinging his little girl around and then throwing her up in the air and catching her...knowing the joy it brings her and knowing he would never let her fall. If we being earthly and sinful and flawed love our children that much and take care of our children that much, how much more does God do the same for us? God has brought me to a place where He is swinging me around and bringing me joy. But there are days I doubt...will He catch me? Imagine how you would feel as a parent if your child stopped and asked you that. What if they doubted that you would catch them? You know the depth of your love for that child and know you would never let them fall. In the same way, God's love for me goes beyond comprehension, and He would never let me fall. Yet, I doubt. Why? When He continues to prove Himself faithful time after time after time. Does He always give me what I want? No! And thank goodness! When I look back on some of the things I prayed for 10 years ago...I'm very thankful He didn't give them to me. But I also see things He has given me. Some I've asked for, and others have been sheer surprises that He chose to delight me with. God wants the best for us. But that doesn't mean that the best comes easy. Sometimes it is in the struggles and disappointments of life that He teaches us the most valuable lessons and shapes us into the people He desires us to be.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">II Timothy 1:7 says "For God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind." GOD HAS NOT GIVEN US THE SPIRIT OF FEAR. Let that soak in. If God hasn't given us the spirit of fear, why do we fear? Why do we allow something that is NOT of Him, something He did not ordain to infiltrate our life and paralyze us? Why am I so afraid to let go of what I cannot control and trust Him to do what is best? Why am I so quick to jump to conclusions and allow illogical thoughts to rule my mind? Why do I over react before I know all sides to the story? Why do I freak out? The answer is plain and simple. Sin. We have to put to death the flesh each and every day. And it is hard. Just like it is hard for me to say no to french fries and chocolate and fattening food every single day, I know I have to. They are not good for me. I have to learn to say no to fear. No to worry. No to doubt. No to illogical thoughts that cause me to over react. I have to choose...DAILY...to counter those thoughts with only one thought. Jesus. That one name holds all the power we need to get through the day and to make it through every situation. Does it mean every day will be easy? No. Does it mean we won't have struggles or problems? Nope. Does it mean life will always go my way? Don't count on it. Does it mean I'll never fear or doubt again? I can assure you that won't be the case. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But if I will bring my mind and my thoughts under HIS control, let go of my need to control and trust that He sees my end from beginning, that He sees and has ordained the path before me...I can learn to live a joyful life. I can enjoy each moment as it comes. I can learn to be happy and not worry about what lurks around the corner. I can learn to "believe the best without assuming the worst." Even if a tough time comes. All because I know He holds me safely in His arms and nothing can take me away from Him. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">So I'm working on it. I'm not where I need to be. In fact, I just had a moment this afternoon where I freaked out, over reacted and worried about something I saw on Facebook that caused me to question something. On Facebook, for heaven's sake! Really? But that is what sin does. It raises its ugly head and manipulates things to put us in a tailspin. But I'm growing. You know how I know? Because, yes, I had a brief freak out moment when I saw it. But I immediately began to pray for God to shine His light of truth and bring peace to my heart. Has it been a constant struggle since this afternoon to fight the illogical thoughts running amok in my brain? Yep. But I'm fighting them. And I'm choosing to believe God and to trust Him...no matter the outcome. Because let's face it...I ALWAYS mess things up when I follow the "freak out cycle." But when I let go and trust in the face of uncertainty, God is there. And where God is love is. And where love is, fear cannot dwell. I John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment...." Torment. I would say that perfectly sums up how I feel when I allow fear to dominate my mind. So if I allow God's truth and love to dominate my mind, fear has to flee.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Fear still has the power to bring me to my knees. But these days, it brings me to my knees in prayer and repentance rather than in pain and torment. It motivates me to seek His truth even more. I'm learning to trust God because of all He has done rather than to doubt Him in spite of all He has done. And I'm finally realizing after my "40 years" of fear, that He has not given that spirit of fear to me. He has given me peace and joy and love. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">My prayer is that if you struggle with allowing fear to dominate your life that you will seek God's face and allow Him to free you from the pain and doubt and worry. He has such good things in store for us! I cannot wait to see what all He has planned in these coming months and year...I know it will blow my mind and, if He were to reveal it all to me now, my mind wouldn't be able to comprehend it. Does it mean He will give me everything I want? No. But He will provide everything I need to glorify Him and to live the life He created me to live. I will trust Him...even when I can't see where the next step is heading...I will take that step in faith, knowing He will provide in His time and His way...then I'll take the next step...and the next...and the next...until He leads me safely home. I refuse to allow fear to keep me from serving Him. I long to hear those words, "Well, done, good and faithful servant." So I'm saying goodbye to striving and fretting and my need to control every aspect of life. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">And I'm saying goodbye to fear. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-23180741886510184242013-04-21T12:14:00.000-05:002013-04-21T12:16:06.272-05:00The Art of Being Still<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There is an art to being still. I have not mastered that art. My mind runs 1,000 miles a minute. I analyze everything and reanalyze it. I try to figure things out often before it's time for me to know what it is I'm trying to figure out. I think, re-think and then think some more. My mind is my worst enemy. And being still is like the unattainable Holy Grail. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The past couple of months, God has been trying to "help" me master this art, however. And I don't like it. He tries this every so often, and every time I fight it. I know He is trying to work a change within me, but I don't like change. Well, I do like change...if it's fun or if I can see what the effect of that change will be. I don't like change that is hard or when I have no idea at all what the purpose of the change is. But still He works. I often feel like that piece of pottery that keeps flopping over as the potter tries to mold it...that stubborn piece that just won't mold into the shape it's supposed to. But, ever patient, God keeps molding. (<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px;"><b>"</b></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="text Jer-18-3" id="en-NIV-19388">So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel.</span> <span class="text Jer-18-4" id="en-NIV-19389">But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him." Jeremiah 18:3-4)</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I told my friend the other day that I feel like I'm in a state of being unsettled. I am honestly at a point in my life where I have no idea where the road is leading. I know things that I want to happen, people I want to have in my life, my dreams and goals for my future. However, I see no clear direction. At all. The past couple of months I have questioned, doubted, cried, laughed, talked, prayed. And yet, God seems to remain silent. I know He is there. But He is silent. And it's in these moments that I need to be still and know. Did I mention I'm not good at being still?</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I have three trimesters left of grad school, and while I'm excited about the end being near, I am beginning to question where I go from here. There will be decisions to make and change will happen. I turn 40 this year. And my life is so different from what I thought it would be by now. Not bad...just different. I'm thankful for the things I've experienced and accomplished in my almost 40 years. But those deepest desires have yet to be fulfilled. I want to start a private practice soon. And there are more decisions to be made and more change. And I feel unsettled and feel like I don't really have a clear direction right now. There are several questions to be answered before I can know which path to take. Questions that I ask God daily. Questions that still have no answer. Questions that, so far, God has chosen to remain silent about.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Like I said, the past couple of months He has been working on me. I'm learning to be patient (my weakest attribute by far) and wait on Him. I'm learning not to jump to conclusions. I'm learning to not do the same thing I've always done. And the hardest? I'm learning to change my thought patterns and trying to bring my thoughts (which are my worst enemy) under His control. And I can see change taking place. Not the fun, easy kind. This change has been difficult, tough and sometimes knocks me down. But I know it is for the good. I know it is all part of God making me into the woman He made me to be. And I'm learning to be thankful for these "growing" times...even though I don't like them when I'm smack in the middle of them.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Which brings me back to being still. I pray constantly. That is one thing I've learned to do...to pray without ceasing. Though at times, I am sure God would like a break. I know I'm one of His "problem children" at times. But I pray. There is the story of a judge in the Bible who finally answered a woman's request because of her persistence. (Luke 18:1-7) And I have taken that story to heart. When I pray, I am persistent. Probably to a fault. It's not that I don't think God heard me the first time or that He needs reminding. But it is through that persistent prayer that I find peace. But I often find I'm the one doing a lot of the talking. Yes, God speaks to my heart and gives me peace when I'm at the bottom and my emotions are running amok. But I rarely take time to be still and just sit in His presence.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still and know that I am God..." I know that God is God, that He is all powerful, that He has my best interests and the best interests of those I pray for at heart. But do I really KNOW God? Do I really take the time to be still just let Him show me His power and mercy and love? Life gets so crazy and so busy, and we sometimes need breaks from life, from the routines, from the chaos, from the bad news, from the trouble, from the good and the bad...we need time with our Father. It is in these times we find strength to deal with life. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I'm learning to be still. This is not my favorite part of God's work in me. But I know He is working something greater for my good. I don't like to wait. And God knows that about me. But He also knows that what He is working out for me, the things I can't see, the things I don't understand...those things are far greater and more important than my dislike of waiting. So He would rather me suffer a little over waiting than miss out on what He has planned for my life. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So I wait... And learn the art of being still. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Be Still And Know by Steven Curtis Chapman</span><br />
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Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-57585468343420794042013-03-31T14:39:00.000-06:002013-03-31T14:39:36.680-06:00I Will Not Be Moved<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wow! It has been almost a year since my last post. And I have missed it. Not that I haven't had a lot to write about. I have. But I guess work and school and life have kept me pretty busy. </span><div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The past year has been a roller coaster. (Of course when have I not had a roller coaster year.) I've had some really high highs and some really low lows. As I read back over a few of my previous posts, I keep seeing the same pattern and same struggles. You would think I would have learned those lessons by now. And I will say that I have gotten better at some of those things. But I've learned that the thorns in my flesh, as Paul wrote about, are my anxiety and worry and insecurity. Am I really enough? It's a question that runs through my head at least once a week, if not more. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've shared many times before the true desires of my heart...marriage and family and children being at the very top. I've also got other desires like opening a private practice and doing something with theatre and drama in some type of charity work for kids. And then there are the everyday desires like being a good friend, a good daughter, a good employee. And while I know I am very blessed, I still wonder why God allows some things into our lives. Things that are hurtful or confusing or painful. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope." Romans 8:28 says that all things work together for our good. And I believe this to be true. I trust my God to provide all that I need. I trust that He is working things out for my good. But there are days that I have my doubts. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There are days when I question Him. A lot. Why does He allow heartache? Why does He allow sickness? Why does He allow loss? Why does He allow all these things that bring us pain? I know we live in a broken world. I know that sin is all around. I know that things will never be right this side of heaven. But I still wonder why He allows things that start out as good and wonderful to turn into things that are sad and hurtful. My human reasoning thinks that if He knows a situation is going to turn out badly, He should just not allow it to happen in the first place. If He knows our heart has been broken beyond repair many times before, He shouldn't allow someone else to break it again. If He knows that someone has had more than their share of hurt and loss, He should give them a break and bless them with some good things. If He knows that someone has already lost one parent at a young age, He shouldn't take the other parent too early. And the list goes on...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But God is God. And His ways and His thoughts are higher than mine. He doesn't call me to understand. He calls me to trust. He doesn't call me to try to reason things with my human mind. He calls me to trust even when things don't make sense. I don't understand. And there have been times I've let Him know that. There are times that I've gotten mad at Him. And yes, I do tell Him. But He understands. And He loves me still and gently holds me without condemnation or judgement until the tears stop and the anger and fear subside. Because that's what Fathers do.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Matthew 7:11 says, "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" I have been blessed with an amazing earthly father. I know it is a blessing because I have friends who have had some pretty rotten dads. And when I read this verse, I realize that as amazing and supportive and giving as my own dad is, God is so much more. And if I believe that, then I have to believe Jeremiah 29:11 and Romans 8:28. I have to believe that He does have a plan, that He is working all things for my good and the He WILL give me the desires of my heart. My anxiety and doubt and questions come when those things don't come in my time. But to trust Him means to trust His timing. God is never late. Ever.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't know why I'm approaching 40 and marriage and children still haven't come into my life. Especially when I have friends younger than me who are getting to experience both. I don't know why my mom passed away before I could experience those things with her here. I don't know why I often feel that I am not enough. I have had some moments of tears and crying out to God to ask why. And I have yet to receive an answer to that. (Of course, if He did answer me I'd probably die from heart failure on the spot!) But I come back to the fact that I have to trust. My faith is not based on what God does for me on a daily basis or on what wishes He can grant. My faith is based on a love that went all the way to the cross to die for me. A love that conquered death and hell and rose again so that I might live forever. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Will I ever get those desires of my heart? I truly hope so. And I hope it happens soon. But my focus has to be on Him rather than on those desires. And I'm afraid that my focus sometimes wavers. More often than not, my focus lies on that which I don't have, that which I want so badly. But I'm working on that. It's a daily struggle. Wait, make that an hourly struggle. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't understand life. I don't understand why things can be so, so good and in one moment turn so, so bad. I don't understand why things happen as they do. But I do trust the One who understands and who is working it all out for my good. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The past couple of weeks there have been a couple of songs that have truly spoken to my heart. "Broken Praise" from The Story...it's a song based on the life of Job, and it has really been pertinent to my state of mind these past couple of weeks. Another one is "I Will Not Be Moved" by Natalie Grant. It talks about how life has been hard and bitterness has reared its ugly head. But no matter what happens I stand on Christ and will not be moved. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My prayer (for you and myself) is that whatever life is throwing at you right now you will seek refuge and shelter in the Father's arms and that you will learn to trust and not be moved...no matter what. That whatever struggle or doubt you face you will know you are deeply loved by the One who gave it all to save you.</span></div>
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Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-53300175972313257702012-04-29T18:40:00.000-05:002012-04-29T18:40:17.924-05:00Moving Heaven and Earth<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">As I write this blog entry, I am overwhelmed at two things. One is how great God is in His provision, power, love and ability to surprise the socks off me. The other is how I often forget that His plan and provision and love is sufficient. It seems I never will learn that lesson, yet He continues to bless me beyond measure.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">About a month ago, I was at our regional music therapy conference with some friends and students. My friend and I were talking and it came up that my apartment lease was up in June and that I needed to remember to renew it. My friend mentioned that she was interested in renting out her house so that she could move closer to work and stop commuting. She really loved the house and wanted to keep it but would have to rent it out to be able to keep it while also renting herself. So I told her I would come look at it, but at that point I was kind of thinking I wasn't that interested. Little did I know that God was working out something that I was yet unaware of.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My friend had to leave the conference early due to her grandmother's illness and eventual passing (please continue to pray for her and her family). I came back home and resumed my routine. We talked several times over the next couple of weeks...about losing someone so special, about life, about TV shows, about other routine things. And I kind of forgot about the house. But then she asked me to come look at it. So I did. And I fell in love with it! It was more than I could ever imagine I would want in a house and the rent was cheaper than what I was currently paying. I asked all the questions about cost of electricity, insurance and everything else I needed to know. And the other bonus is that the set up of the house is perfect for starting a private music therapy practice...complete with a room I can use as my office/session room and doors to shut off the rest of the house when clients are there. I went home and began praying that God would give me guidance as whether or not to rent the house. I knew I wanted it, but I also knew that I wanted to look at it realistically and not rush into something based on feeling.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I called my dad, and he was excited about it and also began praying about it. Over the next week, God began to show me in the strangest and most exciting ways that this was something He had been working out for me. Things from money to issues at my apartment to finding out that my college roommate has family that lives right down the street to friends who are willing to help me move. The other issue we had to pray about was that my friend would find a house to live in where she worked. So we did. And she has received a very promising lead that will hopefully pan out this week (please be praying). </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Some may think that this is no big deal...I'm just renting a house. But I see so much more! I see how before I even knew it, God was working out something that was so much better for me than I had planned. See, my plan was to just rent an apartment until I finished grad school and then see where life took me. I knew that I wanted to stay in this area and that I would eventually want a house. And I've been ok in the apartment...but it has never felt like home. I feel like I'm in a dorm. And though I never really voiced that until now, the Lord knew that and began planning something better. Somewhere I could feel like I was home and could entertain and cook and sit in my backyard and see music therapy clients. I see now that God has been in the details even before I knew I wanted a house.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">I have just been overwhelmed this week at how good God is. Life has been tough these last few years, and there have been times I wanted to give up, times I've been upset with God, times I've doubted. But over and over, God shows His love and provision in ways I cannot even imagine...even in the midst of pain and sorrow and heartache. And I'm trying to learn this lesson. And at times I feel like a spoiled child who just isn't satisfied. I know God has blessed me beyond what I deserve, but there are still a couple of desires I have in my heart that I wish He would provide. Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful...beyond what I can express. But I still long for those things.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">However, God has used this past week and this situation with this house to show me in a very concrete way that His plans for my life far outweigh any I could have for my life. That doesn't mean I don't have days where I still doubt or wonder. Last night, I had a conversation with a couple other of my single friends wondering where the godly men were and why God hadn't brought them to us yet. And then I watched <i>Courageous</i> (if you haven't seen this movie, do it!) this morning and found myself again wondering where men with that kind of integrity and faith and compassion are or, if they are out there, why aren't they interested in me. I know they must be out there somewhere, but I still question why God hasn't blessed me with the one He has for me yet. But I know He has his reasons. I know His plans are higher and better than my own. I know that my God has something wonderful in store for me. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">And if this past week is any indication, I know that when He does provide this desire of my heart, He is going to blow me away with how He does it. So I rest in Him, "expectantly hopeful" that He is, even right now, working on my behalf, willing to move heaven and earth to provide and show me how much He loves me. I am so thankful...thankful for parents who raised me to have faith in such an amazing God, who demonstrated in front of me what a Christian marriage should be and who loved me in such a way as to be a true example of God's love for me. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">So I'm waiting expectantly, knowing that if God is willing to give me things I didn't even know I wanted in such an amazing way, He will also provide the desires of my heart... But until then, "I'll run into Your arms, the riches of Your love will always be enough..."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">PS: This is the final scene from Courageous...and this is the kind of man I am asking God to send my way.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br /></span>Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-73519472046917777632012-04-08T20:50:00.000-05:002012-04-08T20:50:17.727-05:00The Time In BetweenToday as I was driving back from a visit home, I was blasting some music and singing at the top of my lungs and having a grand old time. I love music. It is my life. I was born into a musical family and even chose a music based career (music therapy) as my life's work. I find such power in music and am always amazed at how God can use a song that I've listened to over and over and over again and show me something new. <br />
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My last post was written out of a dark place where I just felt like I was watching everyone else receive the deepest desires of their heart while I just sat and got passed by. Even though I'm in a much better place now, I still have moments where I feel that way. However, today, driving back, God spoke to my heart through a song...as He often does.<br />
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I was listening to Francesca Battistelli. I love her music and love to sing along to it. A lot of her songs have powerful messages. And one in particular had the message I needed to hear today. "The Time In Between' is song that I have listened to and sung over and over. I've always loved it, and I've listened and read the lyrics many times. However, today was different.<br />
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The song talks about the importance of the time in between events...the time in between Jesus' birth and death and the time He spent in between the two thieves on the cross and how those moments shaped Christianity and our lives forever. But it was the middle verse that stood out to me today.<br />
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As I've said before, Psalm 37:4 is one of my favorite verses and a promise of hope from God Himself. It says that if we delight in the Lord He will give us the desires of our heart. Now, I have studied this verse and thought of all the things it could mean...does it mean that He places the desires He has for us in our hearts or does he grant us the deepest desires we have for ourselves...and I believe it means a little of both. I've prayed that God would place His desires in my heart and that He would give me those things I so desperately want. Not things like material things...but things like a husband and children, things like a place where I can use music and counseling to help families affected by poverty and all that brings with it. Things like those that are not simply material things but things that I feel I was placed here to do or be a part of. And while I feel I'm on my way to some of those desires, there are others that seem so distant and make me wonder if I'll ever have them.<br />
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So back to the song. Like I mentioned earlier, my last post was kind of dark and depressing. But the devil has a way of attacking me in this area...by trying to tell me that Psalm 37:4 wasn't meant for me, by telling me that God is leaving me out of the happiness He bestows on others, by telling me I'm not worthy enough or good enough or pretty enough or thin enough or talented enough or whatever else I happen to be struggling with on any given day. And he hits hard! So today when I started singing along to the middle verse of this song, it was like God said, "see, I do have your best in mind and I WILL give you those desires in MY time and in MY way...even when you don't understand...and no matter what the devil tries to tell you, trust ME for every desire of your heart...both big and small." <br />
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See it's in these times of waiting that we grow and develop into the people God made us to be. It's not easy, and it's not fun. And I spend many days wondering what the purpose in the waiting is. But just as the potter places the clay on the wheel and forms it and then has to fire it in the fire to make it shine, God is forming and molding and shaping me. And even though I don't understand it or see it, there is a purpose in the waiting. And I have a choice. I can listen to the voice of the enemy or I can listen to the voice of my Father. On good days, that's an easy choice. But on those bad days, it's hard to drown out the lies and hear the truth. <br />
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The song says, "Don't take much for this crazy world to rob me of my peace. And the enemy of my soul says You're holding out on me. So I stand here lifting empty hands for You to fill me up again. But it's the time in between that I fall down to my knees waiting on what You'll bring. And the things that I can't see. I know my song's incomplete so I'll sing in the time in between."<br />
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So here I sit...still waiting. And waiting. And waiting. And I now that my song is incomplete...and until HE chooses to complete it, I'll keep singing. And trusting. And believing that He, who is my soul's deepest desire and who loves me more than I could ever comprehend, will bless me and fulfill me with every desire of my heart. <br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/LQ1o4WAYlg4" width="480"></iframe>Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-15703207095278835542012-02-28T22:02:00.002-06:002012-02-29T05:57:19.591-06:00StrugglingWarning: This post is not my usual chipper, uplifting, see the silver lining kind of post. :) Maybe by the time I get to the end it will turn into that...we'll see...<br />
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I'm struggling. Bad. It's been a tough weekend leading into this week. And I'm tired of struggling. But we are not home yet and struggle is the name of the game for now.<br />
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I am single. I am 38 years old. I lost my mom almost four years ago. I have no children. I have so many dreams for what I want in this life. However, here I sit. At 38. Single. No children. No Momma. And not any closer to where I thought I'd be by now than I was five years ago.<br />
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This past weekend I holed up in my apartment...which I know is not smart for me to do. Several years ago I was diagnosed with depression. I took some medication, went to counseling and got better. And it is something I continue to struggle with from time to time. I have become better at identifying what sets it off, what can lead to it and what I can do to stop it when I feel it coming on. Like NOT sit in my apartment by myself for over 48 hours straight. <br />
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The weekend started out fine. I cooked like a Paula Deen wannabe. I cleaned. I did laundry. I attempted to do homework. And I slept. However, as the weekend wore on, I became more and more homesick and depressed and sad and angry. I can truly look back at my move last summer and see that God had a hand in it. Things worked out too well for Him not to have been in control. However, since that time, my family has been dealt some hard blows. (I've written about that in previous posts and won't rehash it here.) And as I usually do, I play my part as the stoic one, trying to make sure everyone else is ok and keeping busy so I don't have to deal with how I feel.<br />
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See, I'm a stuffer. I stuff feelings. The year after my mom died, I spent almost a year stuffing down feelings. I did whatever I could not to think about it. And the outcome was not pretty. So the grief process took me about twice as long as it should have. See, feelings have to come out...either now or later. And if they come out later it can be pretty harsh. So all through last year, I stuffed. Again. And again. And again. And it all came rushing out this weekend.<br />
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So I sat. I thought. I pondered. And I sunk deeper and deeper into the pit of loneliness, self pity, anger and doubt. Then to top it all off, I had a dream Sunday night that I was shopping for my wedding dress with my Momma. Talk about a punch in the stomach! For years, while she was still living, I prayed that God would allow her to live long enough to see me married and to see her grandchildren and to see what God had in store for me. And then she was gone. Before any of that took place. I was angry for a long time about that. I thought I had dealt with that. But after that dream, all that anger and hurt and questioning came flooding back.<br />
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One of my favorite verses is Psalm 37:4 - "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I have long clung to this verse. Not in the way of "God will give me whatever I want." But more in the way that if I live in Him and seek His way He will in His time give me the desires He has placed within my heart. I kept reminding myself of this promise. And I have questioned it before...but never as much as I do now.<br />
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See, life's not fair (not that you had any doubt). It's not fair that I don't have my Momma hear to help me pick out wedding dresses. It's not fair that idiots who abuse their children and who drive in cars without putting them in car seats and who call their children names get to have children while I sit here childless. It's not fair that people can be on their second marriage (due to death or divorce) while I haven't experienced my first (and hopefully only) marriage. It's not fair that people can talk about how their mother gets on their nerves while I just wish I could pick up a phone and hear her voice again. It's not fair that I've just seen my own daddy and three of my cousins experience the same loss of their moms this past year. It's just not fair. And that makes me sad and upset.<br />
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Trust me. I've heard all the pat answers. "God will work all things out in His time." (Yes, I know. But this doesn't help while I sit still waiting.) "When you stop looking, the right guy will come along." (People come on! Really? I haven't been "looking" for years.) "You need to focus on what God has blessed you with and stop looking at what you don't have." (Uh, huh.) "You can have the good memories." (I don't want memories. I want my Momma!). And on and on they go. And I, too, have been guilty of saying these exact things to other people. But they don't help. And my most hated phrase of all - "I know just how you feel." Um, no, you don't. You aren't me...so you have no idea how I feel. Just as I have no idea how you feel. <br />
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When you are in the pit of the despair and pain, words mean very little. What you really need is a friend to listen, to let you cry, to let you scream and to just be there. To say "I don't have the answers. I don't know what to say. But I will be here to hold your hand until you get through this." I know people mean well, but sometimes those words only make it worse. Sometimes we just need to be. Just to sit and cry and scream and be honest with God. Sometimes we need a "Jonathan." My cousin, Kimmie, sent me the sweetest text today and told me to read I Samuel 18:1-3. Jonathan loved David as he loved himself. We all need people who love us unconditionally and who are there through the tough times.<br />
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This morning driving to work, there was thick fog everywhere. And the songs that I kept playing over and over were Steven Curtis Chapman's "Jesus Will Meet You There" and "I Will Trust You." And God spoke so clearly to my heart. Just as I couldn't see the road very far ahead of me, I knew that my destination was there. And I knew He could see beyond what I could. And He knew where He was leading me. But at that moment I could only go so far. And He was willing to meet me there and guide me the rest of the way.<br />
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And that is how life is. During this moment of struggle, I can't move. I can't see beyond the fog. I can't see how all of this is working out for my good. I don't understand why God has withheld from me the things that I so deeply desire. Not things that I want just to have. Not material things. But actual desires I truly believed He placed in my heart. I know He gives and He takes away. But I'm getting a little tired of the taking away part. Or the withholding part. <br />
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And God understands. Jesus will and does meet me in that moment. In this moment. And He asks for nothing but honesty and trust. See I don't question my faith. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt I have been saved by the blood of Jesus. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt I will see my family again. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt He is with me every step of the way. My faith isn't what is waivering. My doubt comes in when I think back over Psalm 37:4 and wonder why I haven't received those desires...some of which I will never receive. I doubt that some of those promises are meant for me. My head knows they are. But my heart is broken and a little skeptical right now.<br />
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And that's ok. See, we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities and darkness and forces of evil. And I know this very well. I am an emotional, passionate person. When I feel something, I feel it with every fiber of my being. And while this is who God made me, the devil also knows this...and he loves to torment me in this area of my life. I guess you could say this is becoming the "thorn in my flesh" as Paul struggled with. He begged God to take it away, but He never did. So this battle is not against man. It's against a force we cannot see. And it's brutal. And exhausting.<br />
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But we are not home yet. We were not made for this world. And as I sit here, still struggling, still hurting, still questioning, still doubting...I know that He is here in the midst of it all. I know that I am not ever going to be comfortable here. And maybe that was the purpose of this past weekend and few days. <br />
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See, I'm sad that I don't have a family of my own yet. I'm sad that my mom won't be here if I ever do get that. I'm sad that there is so much pain in this world and I can't do anything to ease that pain. But I'm not home. I'm not meant to be content here. This past weekend I so, so missed my family. And still do. I ached to see them and hear their voices. I miss my dad. I miss Bryce and Noah. I miss everyone else back home. I'm homesick. But as more and more of us move from here (earth) to there (heaven), I'm becoming homesick for my real home. Because I also ache to see my loved ones there and to hear their voices again. And I'm so ready to see my Father and have every question answered and every doubt erased.<br />
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I'm so thankful that no matter my struggle, no matter how angry I get, no matter how I argue that life is not fair, God never waivers. He is there, and He is faithful. And He understands. He can handle my anger, my questions, my doubts and even my arguing with Him. The Bible is full of stories of people who struggled. People who questioned. People who doubted. People who argued with God. And in that, we are all kin, this human race of ours. <br />
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Will I ever get the desires of my heart? I have no idea. The way it's looking lately, I'm thinking probably not anytime soon. But then I'm reminded that the greatest desire of my heart is eternity in heaven with my Savior and Father and Creator. And that far outweighs any other desire I have. And I have to trust Him even when I don't like where the road is leading. Because only He can see through the fog of this life and lead me, through the struggle, safely home.<br />
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Jesus Will Meet You There<br />
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I Will Trust You<br />
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Where I Belong<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/lOtsB4O1p3o" width="560"></iframe>Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-27613505489698093382012-01-01T09:32:00.000-06:002012-01-01T09:32:19.366-06:00It's A New Year...Finally!Happy 2012! My prayer this year is that it is way better, less painful, more joyful, less loss, more laughter than 2011. But my verse I'm trying to focus on this year is Job 1:21. Whether the Lord gives or takes away, blessed be His name. Trusting that His plans far outweigh my own. And I've decided I'm done making New Year's resolutions or trying to "fix" myself...because I'm me and I will always be me. At 38 I'm finally accepting that and embracing the person God created me to be.<br />
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So, with that being said, I've made a "Things I Want To Do" list for this year. Along with not making resolutions, I also don't want to make a bucket list. I'm one of those people who has to work in small increments...lose 10 pounds at a time, complete one assignment at a time, make a list and focus on taking care of each thing one at a time. If not, I get overwhelmed and sit spinning my wheels. And if I make a bucket list, I'll keep putting off doing the things on it. So, my new goal is to make a list of things I want to do for the year.<br />
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This post is probably a little less "spiritual" than my usual blog posts. At least in the sense that I am not focusing on a specific verse or song or whatever. But I believe God is God even of the mundane, simple, everyday things of life, too. And once you see this list...you will realize I'm going to need a miracle to accomplish some of these... :) So here goes... (This is in no particular order.)<br />
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1. Trust God more. Stop doubting that He has my best interests at heart. He WILL give me the desires of my heart...in HIS time. Knowing that He has not forgotten me, and He knows the number of the hairs on my head. Even when I don't believe it...even when I doubt it...even when worry sets in. This is going to require a LOT of prayer and seeking Him...especially in those times when life doesn't make sense. <br />
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2. Go Ziplining. Now if you know me, you are probably shaking your head and saying, "What??" Yes, I am afraid of heights. But I also know this looks exhilarating and fun. And part of that goal of trusting God more includes not being afraid anymore. So I want to go ziplining. Anyone want to go with me?<br />
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3. Take a trip to Seattle. I've always wanted to go...amazing music and art scene. And I have a friend who lives there and has invited me numerous times to come visit. But I always find an excuse to put it off. Not this year. If I can afford it, I'm going. So Sang...get ready, cause here I come!<br />
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4. Buy a bicycle and start riding. I've been wanting to buy a good bike for awhile now. I was always afraid to ride down my road back home because we lived in the country and people drove like crazy people down our road. However, now that I've moved, I know there is a biking trail close to where I live. I would love to find someone to ride with...because it's always more fun and safer with a friend. But even if I don't...I'm going to push myself to do it anyway. Which is another part of that first goal of trusting God more...not being afraid to do things by myself...or maybe that needs to be a goal all of it's own...so...<br />
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5. Not being afraid to get out and do things on my own. I'm a shy person by nature. I just do better when I have someone to do something with. But life has turned out that I am on my own often. So I would like to push myself to get out there. Whether it's going shopping, riding my bike, trying a new church, going to a movie or concert or show, going to eat at Olive Garden if I get a craving for it...whatever it is...to not be afraid to do things by myself from time to time.<br />
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6. To be more active, lose weight and get healthier. This is often a goal, but this year I'm trying to change my mindset so it sticks this time. I'm starting Nutri System to help jumpstart this and plan on making activity part of each day...not necessarily formal exercise. Because I hate to exercise. But if I can make it fun...like walking with a friend or riding a bike or whatever...I'm more apt to do it. I'm not getting any younger and I've got to take care of myself. I'm also approaching it from the standpoint that my body is the temple of the Lord...and filling it with crappy food and not being active is a sin. I've got to do better with this. And I feel better when I'm healthy.<br />
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7. Go abseiling. Again, if you know me, this has you scratching your head. But it looks very cool! If you don't know what this is...it's basically rappelling down the side of a cliff. I don't know if I can do it, but it looks so empowering to try. So again, any takers who want to go with me? I know I need to take care of #6 before I can try this one...<br />
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8. Declutter and organize. I am the queen of clutter. I mean, I keep my apartment clean and try to put everything in its place. But I'm also a stacker. I keep stuff in stacks...and I know exactly what stack something is in. But I'm trying to work on this. A fellow music therapist introduced me to the 2012 Declutter and Organize Calendar. And she started a group on Facebook where we can talk about it! This helps you do one thing each day so that hopefully by the end of the year you are organized and the clutter is gone. This has always been a losing battle...but not this year. As my life gets busier, I need more order to function. And if you know me, you know how OCD, ADD and Type A I am. :) So this will be a wonderful thing!<br />
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9. Complete my guest room. I have a spare room that right now houses the boxes I have yet to unpack (see #8). This year I want to take some time to clean it, decorate it and set it up. It will kind of double as an office, too. That way when my dad or Bryce and Noah or whoever comes to visit (and you better come visit) they have an actual room with a bed to stay in. <br />
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10. Find a creative outlet for singing, playing and sharing music. I would love to find a group of people to hang out with and just jam with. I learn so much when I just play with other musicians. I'm not that great on guitar, but I'm improving. And I love to sing. So I want to find some folks who share my passion for music and who just like hanging out and jamming. And maybe even do a performance or two...<br />
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11. Get back to writing songs. When I was younger, I used to write songs all the time. Granted, they weren't always good. But I loved it and it helped to get stuff out rather than stuff it. So this year, I want to get back to writing. Now that I'm a much better guitar player...well the fact that I actually play now...I want to make writing songs a priority. Even if no one else hears them, I'll know I wrote them. And maybe one day God will bless me with the opportunity to share them. <br />
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12. Begin some type of volunteer/community work. My dream is to one day open my own music therapy/counseling practice and provide services for people living in poverty, struggling with addiction and who are affected by HIV/AIDS. I did some music groups with children at Hope House in Memphis, TN for about a year. These kids touched my life so deeply, and God used this opportunity to show me His heart for people struggling with these things. I'd love to also have some type of community center for children affected by these things, as well. So, if I'm going to do this one day, I need to get out there and learn and meet people and start doing my part to make a difference. I still want to work with people with intellectual disabilities, too...and I know that those with disabilities who are also affected by poverty don't have the resources they need. So this year, I want to find somewhere to volunteer some time and music therapy services and give back.<br />
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13. Start looking into adoption. This is a biggie! My life is nowhere near where I thought it would be at 38 years old. The plan was to be married and have at least 4 kids by now. But I make plans, and God laughs. Because He has something so much better. But here I sit desperately wanting to be a wife and a mother...and I don't see either one in the near future. The wife part? I can't really do anything about that...well, I could...but I don't believe in getting married just to get married, and I'm picky and refuse to settle for less than God's best for me. So I guess I'll just have to trust He'll give me that desire of my heart at some point...hopefully sooner than later...but I'll just have to wait and see. As for the mother part? That, I can do something about. I really do believe that a child should have two parents if at all possible. However, I also know there are children out there who need a good home, and I know I would be a good mom. So, I'm praying about this and weighing my options. I've wanted to adopt a little girl from China for years now...and even started the process awhile back. But due to finances and life circumstances it just didn't happen. So I'm going to look into that again. I also would love to adopt a child with Down's syndrome or special needs. Yes, I know it is a life long commitment...but I know I can do it. Especially if God calls me to do it. Who knows? Maybe God will bring me someone wonderful along the way and we can do this together (and maybe have one of our own)...but if not, I'm not going to let that stop me. God knows His plans...and I will trust Him.<br />
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14. To do better at applying myself in grad school. It still sounds weird that I'm even in grad school. And I haven't done badly. I just want to do better and apply myself more and stop procrastinating assignments. Of course, I also accept the fact that being a procrastinator is just part of who I am, and I always do better work under pressure. But that also brings a lot of unneeded stress. So I'm going to work on that.<br />
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15. Go parasailing. Again. I have been once, and it was amazing! My fear of heights totally disappeared. It was the most peaceful and beautiful experience...kind of like what I imagine it would be like if you could fly. Again, I'll be glad to have someone go with me!<br />
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16. To update my blog on a more regular basis. The reason I started this blog in the first place was because I love to write, or rather NEED to write. And I felt God leading me to share with others what He has shown to me. My hope is that the reader will find at least one sentence that helps them in some way. I know there have been times I've gone through something and just being able to know someone else has been there too has been what got me through it. We are not alone in this journey of life. The Bible tells us we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses that cheers us on. And I believe we are to help each other along this journey. So if even one person has their spirits lifted, finds an answer, feels less alone...I've accomplished my goal in writing. So I want to make a commitment to update more.<br />
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Well, that is the list! As I've written, it's grown. And it is a lot to accomplish in a year. But with God's help, I know I can do it. See, it's more about what His plans are for me anyway. This past year has shown me that. The last few years have been tough...full of pain and loss and hurt. But there have also been good moments...times of laughter and joy and new things. God makes beauty out of the ashes of this life. <br />
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I hope that 2012 will be a year full of the beauty God is making out of my ashes and out of your ashes. Happy New Year!<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/rJynET3b3PM" width="420"></iframe>Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1987728950735129201.post-24365095710750508232011-12-29T20:40:00.002-06:002012-02-28T22:05:45.420-06:00The One Who Gives and Takes AwayFor 2012 I decided that, instead of making New Year's resolutions that I never keep, I'm making a "Things I Want To Do This Year" list. I will write a post just on that list next week. But as I started making the list I began to reflect on this past year and on the person I am becoming. And let me tell you, this past year has been one heck of a year! One I do not care to revisit anytime soon.<br />
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A couple of weeks ago, I found a live webcast of <i>The Story</i>. I had honestly never heard of this but Max Lucado and Steven Curtis Chapman were a part of it, along with several of my other favorite Christian artists, so I knew it had to be good. So for the next three hours I weeped, laughed, thought. And God began doing something in me. Now, I'm not one who believes in coincidence. I'm one of those annoying people who believes there is a reason for everything and that nothing happens by chance. Sometimes this can be a good thing. But sometimes it does cause me to read into stuff way too much. But I'm working on that.<br />
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Anyway, the music and videos used in the presentation were so powerful. I immediately downloaded the CD and ordered the book (which is the Bible in story form). And while I watched Steven Curtis perform, I remembered all his family had been through with the loss of his daughter and remembered that his wife, Mary Beth, had written a book about it. So along with <i>The Story</i> I also ordered her book <i>Choosing To See</i> and his album <i>Beauty Will Rise</i>. Little did I know how God would use that book and this music to touch my life, to bring healing, to increase my faith and strength, to speak to my heart like never before.<br />
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In my previous post I recapped the year and talked about all our family had been through during 2011 as well as some personal stuff I dealt with. I won't rehash all that here...you can read the previous post for details. However, 2011 has left me hurt, raw, emotional, broken, confused, angry, questioning, doubting and wondering what in the world God was doing. But it has also brought a deeper faith than I have ever known as well as comfort and peace and healing.<br />
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Along with losing three close family members within six months of each other, my dad having surgery and making a major life change with a move, new job and school, I also dealt with an issue in my personal life. It wasn't anything earth shattering. Nothing that doesn't happen to everyone else at one point or another. But it rocked me to my core...more than I wanted it to and way more than I expected it would. <br />
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In the early moments of this heartache I kept thinking it was like God had given me exactly what I had been praying for, the desire of my heart and exactly what I wanted. And then it was like He snatched it back and said, "nope I was only joking." And I kept telling myself, "God doesn't work like that." Surely, God, who loves me more than I can comprehend and who works all things out for my good wouldn't take away this precious gift. God doesn't give you something and then take it away. Or does He....<br />
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It took awhile for me to get the answer...not the one I wanted to hear...but the one I needed to hear. The issue I faced reared it's ugly head at the end of October, hid for a few weeks and then came back with a vengeance at the end of November. I felt as though I'd been the butt of a really cruel joke...you know the kind where everyone in the room knows what is going on except you? Yeah, that was me. However, exactly a week after that awful night, at about the exact same time, <i>The Story</i> live webcast aired. Coincidence? Not a chance!<br />
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About halfway through the webcast I was already in tears. And then the song "Broken Praise" was sung. It was the song that represents Job and his story. I have never heard a song so raw and so real that fully expressed how I felt...not only after this bad moment but how I'd felt many times since my mom died in 2008 and certainly how I'd felt many times this past year. But there was a line in the song that says, "You are the one who filled my cup and You are the one who let it spill so blessed be Your holy name if You never fill it up again." And there was the answer. Not what I WANTED to hear, mind you, but what I NEEDED to hear.<br />
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Last week I got Mary Beth's book and Steven's CD in the mail. If you do not know, they lost their daughter in a tragic accident in 2008...a few weeks before my Momma passed away. I remember reading some of Mary Beth's posts and comments and felt I really connected with her. We were both going through a similar pain...a loss that was beyond words. And she got it. She felt what I was feeling. I've started reading the book this week...and four chapters in, I'm already crying. As I read, I feel in parts I am reading my own story. I've also been listening to Steven's CD non stop. <br />
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On the CD all of the songs are songs that have to do with loss and healing and trusting God even in the dark moments when you don't want to. There is one song called "Faithful" and it has a line that says, "You are faithful. When You give and when You take away even then still Your name is faithful....and with everything inside of me I'm choosing to believe You are faithful." And again, came a reminder of that answer I needed.<br />
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Job 1:21 says, "...the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." Now I have not experienced tragedy and loss of Job's proportion. But I have experienced a lot of it lately. And I know I'm not alone. <br />
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See, God has used all of these situations and circumstances and songs and books and webcasts to speak a real truth to me. One I don't always accept willingly. God is God. He is sovereign. And He DOES give and He DOES take away. So my flawed belief...the one that told me that surely He wouldn't bring this seemingly wonderful thing into my life and then take them away just as quickly in such a hurtful way....that belief didn't hold water anymore. God does what He knows is best. That doesn't mean I have to like it. It doesn't mean I have to understand. It doesn't even mean I have to agree it's right at the time. But God knows what He is doing and He is in control.<br />
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And not only in this seemingly (in light of everything else that has happened) insignificant event. But also in the sudden and unexpected loss of loved ones. Or whatever we face in this life. God has shown me that I have a part in His story. And so do you. And so has everyone who has gone before us and everyone who will come after us. We are all running this race together. II Corinthians 1:4 says, "(the God of all comforts) who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." It is these common things of life...the pain, the joy, the loss, the crazy, that bind us together as human beings. And that point us back to the One who holds it all in His hands.<br />
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I want so many things in this life, but up until here recently I have been afraid. Afraid to really live. Always seeing the glass as half empty rather than half full. Afraid of what could happen. Always waiting on the other shoe to drop. Afraid to be happy because of what could go wrong. I question why God hasn't given me the desires of my heart yet. I get angry and sometimes jealous when I see friends who seem to be getting the very things I long for and wonder when it will be my turn. <br />
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But that is not living in faith. Living in faith means trusting the God who gives and who takes away...and praising His name regardless of what He chooses to do. Living in faith means knowing He has our best interests at heart and that He IS working all things out for our good. And sometimes it means He may have to take away...maybe to teach a lesson, maybe to draw us to Him, maybe to show us what we truly want and need versus what we thought we wanted and needed. But He gives so much more abundantly than we could ever imagine.<br />
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I'm still trying to figure out what the purposes of the trials of this life are. I may never know this side of heaven. But I know God is faithful. And I choose to say, "Whether the Lord gives or takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord." It's not easy. It doesn't come without struggle and tears. It doesn't come without questions and doubt. But He is faithful.<br />
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In the song "Beauty Will Rise" are these lyrics: "This is our hope. This is the promise that it would take our breath away to see the beauty that's been made out of the ashes...Out of these ashes, beauty will rise. We will dance among the ruins. We will see with our own eyes." Another song "I Will Trust You" says, "and I know Your plans for me are much better than my own." <br />
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If we could only see as God sees. If we could see the bigger picture. If we could see what awaits us in Heaven one day and see how all these loose ends tie together, how He's weaving it all into a great tapestry. If we could see all the dreams He is dreaming in us and for us and through us. If we could just see that His plans blow ours out of the water. But we can't yet see, so we have to trust and hope and praise His name...especially when He gives...and even when He takes away.<br />
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(If you have suffered loss or are currently going through a difficult time, I would suggest you listen to Steven Curtis Chapman's <i>Beauty Will Rise</i> CD. It has been a great help in beginning the healing process...even of hurts I have stuffed down for a long time.)<br />
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Here are some songs that God has used greatly in my life in the past month...some are from <i>The Story</i> and some are from <i>Beauty Will Rise</i>. I know I posted a bunch...but they are all worth listening to. I pray they will bless you as they have me.<br />
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<b><i>Faithful</i></b><br />
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<b><i>Broken Praise</i></b><br />
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<b><i>I Will Trust You</i></b><br />
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<b><i>Our God Is In Control</i></b><br />
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<b><i>Who But You</i></b><br />
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<b><i>Beauty Will Rise</i></b><br />
<b><i><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/iNWXRn1wv68" width="420"></iframe></i></b>Lori Parkerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11728775342986422589noreply@blogger.com0