The Advent - Joseph's Angel

Matthew 1:20-23:  "But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”  All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”)."

Here he was. This angel of the Lord.  At his post in Heaven.  Then God calls.  Calls him to deliver a message.  A message to a simple man.  A message that would forever change the course of this man's life.  A message to wild to be believed.

So the angel takes a trip to earth and appears to Joseph in a dream.  The message?  Don't be afraid...  To take Mary as your wife even though she's already pregnant.  Even though your community may shun you.  Even though your earthly mind cannot comprehend this.  Even though you will be raising a child who is not yours.

I wonder if the angel was worried.  Worried the message wouldn't be accepted. Worried Joseph might object.  Worried he wouldn't use the right words to deliver the message.

Of course, I have no idea if angels worry.  I kind of doubt it.  But I do.  I'm sure some of you do.

God calls us.  To share a meal.  To give some money.  To volunteer to help someone in need.  To witness.  To serve or give or do beyond what our minds can comprehend.  And we worry...

What if the message isn't accepted?  What if the recipient objects?  What if I mess up and don't do it right?

But, like the angel sent to Joseph, God gives us all we need.  It's in those moments of doubt and worry and weakness that God can use us the most.  When we have lost all sense of "I've got this...I can do it."  And He calls.  And He sends.  Sends us to minister to a hurting world.  To share a message that seems to good to believe.  And we have a choice...

We can surrender to the worry and doubt and fear and turn away.  We can give up to our thoughts that "someone else will do it" or "surely God would understand that I just can't." We can walk away from an opportunity to relieve suffering, to offer a kind word, to share what we've been given.  

Or, like the angel, we can go.  We can surrender to God and answer His call.  We can tell the fear and doubt to go away.  We can trust that God would not call us to do what He hasn't equipped us to do.  And we can know that He will provide all we need to do what He has asked.

So you have a choice.  This Christmas, surrounded by a hurting world full of pain and need that can seem overwhelming...will you go?  Will you serve?  Will you help?  Will you believe that YOU can make a difference?  Will you believe that no good deed is too small, no act of kindness goes unnoticed?  Like the angel, will you choose to go and share and love? 

Or will you choose to walk away?  Choose to miss out on a blessing?  Choose to let someone go without?  

Can you imagine if the angel told God no?  What if he said, "I'm too busy" or "I have other things I need to do first?"  What a blessing he would have missed!  But he chose to go when God called.  He chose to share the Good News with Joseph and assure him of his part in the plan.  He chose to comfort and encourage and love.  

This Christmas take time to look around.  To see the needs around you.  Stop a few moments in your busy life to make time for someone else.  Take a break from the hustle and bustle of the season and see that the only gifts that truly matter are those that are from the heart, those that encourage and lift others up, those that flow from a heart surrendered to God, those that give to those in need, those that show the love of Jesus.  Don't miss out on a blessing God places in your path.  

Learn a lesson from the angel sent to Joseph.  When God calls, go.  And remember what the angel told Joseph.  "Don't be afraid...all this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said..."  

Be a blessing to someone this Christmas!

The Advent - Isaiah

Isaiah 7:14 "Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign:  The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel (God with us)."

Isaiah.  A prophet and preacher to the people of Israel.  Sent to share God's word.  66 chapters.  And in the middle of all of this we find this short, simple verse.  The virgin will conceive.  She will have a son.  He will be called God with us.

Back in Isaiah's time the term "God with us" was, I'm sure, somewhat of a strange concept.  In the Old Testament times, a person had to go through the priest to get to God.  There were sacrifices to be made.  Not that God wasn't with His people.  He was.  But to have a personal relationship with Him?

So here in the middle of a conversation with Ahaz, Isaiah tells him to ask for a sign.  Ahaz refuses.  But God's plan will be done.  So God, through Isaiah, gives him a sign anyway.  "The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel."

Can you imagine being Isaiah?  He was a prophet of God sent to reveal God to the people.  It seems he was always looking over his shoulder for the next person who would come after him.  His messages weren't always, if ever, popular.  But he was faithful to God.  And God chooses to entrust him with one of the most vital prophecies concerning Christ's birth.

A virgin would conceive.  In a world today full of in vitro, surrogates and test tube babies, technically a virgin could conceive.  However, let your mind drift back to Isaiah's time.  For a virgin to conceive would truly be a miracle.  And would be one of the distinguishing factors that set Jesus' birth apart from other babies born in His time.  It is what allowed Jesus to be completely human yet completely holy.

He will be called "God with us." Isaiah was telling us that there would be a way to God, a way to a personal relationship with God.  No more going through a priest.  Jesus would become that high priest and our entrance to God.  No more sacrificial lambs.  Jesus would become the ultimate and final sacrificial Lamb.

Can you imagine being Isaiah?  Can you imagine being entrusted with the good news that a Savior was on the way?  The people of Israel had struggled for so long.  They had been subject to slavery and rulers and rules.  Now there was Hope.  Hope for freedom.  Hope for peace.  Hope for true salvation.  And Isaiah was the one who was chosen to be the first to share this promise.

And this promise has been fulfilled.  Many years after Isaiah spoke these words, God IS with us!  Jesus was born and everything changed.  We can now come into God's presence at any time, in any place and speak with Him.  We don't have to offer burnt offerings and sacrifices anymore.  Jesus' sacrifice covers us and makes us whole.   And we have Hope!  Hebrews 11:1 says "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."  The people of Isaiah's time looked forward in faith for that hope.  We look back in faith for that hope.

And hope is here!  Hope of a new life.  Hope of love.  Hope that in God's time all things will work out for our good.  Hope that we are loved beyond what we could ever imagine.

One short verse held so much promise.  So much hope.  So much love.  May we, like Isaiah, share that hope and love this Christmas!

The Advent

I have been trying for several months to get back to writing and updating my blog.  For some reason, it just didn't happen.  I have started keeping a journal of ideas and verses when they pop in my head.  However, I have still not updated anything since August.  Not for lack of trying or will.  But as I've come to believe and understand, all things happen in due time, in their proper place and for a reason.

Over the last few months, I've made some life changing decisions...planning a major move, going to grad school, starting my own private practice.  All of these things are in process.  During this time, I've also "met" many fellow music therapists through Twitter, Facebook, email and blogs who have inspired me and have enabled me to feel as though I'm part of a community of people who "get it."  Several of these amazing people write blogs...which has led me to realize I really, really want and need to get back to blogging.

See, whether anyone reads my musings or not, writing is therapeutic for me.  I love to write but seldom make time to do so.  I've made the decision that I want to get back to updating this blog at least weekly and that I also want to start a couple new blogs (yes, I do push myself to the limits and sometimes think I'm Superwoman) - one on music therapy, my process of starting a business and eventually blogging about my experiences and services; one on being single and in my 30's and independent and focused and content while fending off questions as to why I'm not married (haven't been asked by the right guy) or why I don't have kids (because I'm not married, can't afford to do it on my own and am now approaching 40 and because by not having my own, I can reach out to so many more) or if I really can be content being "alone" (it's a daily struggle and it takes work, but yes, you can).  But I digress...  Those new blogs will hopefully get underway in the new year.

Now back to THIS blog.  I've used Expectant Hope as a way to share my views, thoughts, opinions, convictions on life and to share things I believe God is showing me.  It's a constant growing process, one I will never finish this side of Heaven.  It's called Expectant Hope because that is how I choose to live my life...expectantly hopeful of all God has in store and trusting that He WILL one day give me the desires of my heart.  Though I'm learning, those desires are not always fulfilled in the way I thought they would be.  Ok...so enough rambling.

The point of this post is to let you know that I intend to do a 25 day Advent blog to celebrate Christmas and the birth of Christ.  Christmas is a special time of year.  One that became dark for me after the loss of my mother.  Now that this is the third Christmas without her, I'm finally beginning to find some of that joy again.  And that only comes because I know she's celebrating in Heaven and I'll be there to celebrate along with her one day.  So as part of the celebration of life and love and salvation and joy, I wanted to share some thoughts on this season and the key people who had a part in Jesus' humble beginning on this earth.  I cannot promise each blog will be up at the same time every day or that I might not have to combine two in one from time to time.  But this is a challenge to myself as well as to you, the reader.  A challenge to dig a little deeper this year, to see the true meaning of Christmas and to share it with, not only family and friends, but with those less fortunate and hurting.

Over the next 25 days, I plan on talking about the birth of Jesus from the viewpoint of a different person each day.  From major "characters" like Mary and Joseph to lesser thought of "characters" such as Simeon and Jesus' siblings.  I may even throw in a lesson from the standpoint of the animals who witnessed the birth.  I don't claim to know everything or have all the answers.  I am just a simple girl with a love for Christ and a desire to share what He has laid on my heart.

I hope you will take the time to read each day's entry.  And I hope it will bring you closer to the One Christmas is all about!

Merry Christmas!

Trying to update

I sat down tonight to try to write a new post.  However, for some reason, my laptop is being a pain and keeps freezing up.  So unfortunately I won't be posting tonight.  However, I've learned that even in the seemingly mundane, God always has a plan and a reason.  I will attempt it again hopefully tomorrow night.  But in the meantime I leave you with these verses: to hopefully encourage you:

Habakkuk 3:17-18 (which tonight seems appropriate and I would like to add "though your computer decides to have a mind of its own"...and, yes, I'm trying to be joyful)
"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior."

From Lamentations 3 (The Message)
"...I keep a grip on hope...God's loyal love couldn't have run out, his merciful love couldn't have dried up.  They're created new every morning.  How great your faithfulness!  I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).  He's all I've got left.  God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks.  It's a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God...Wait for hope to appear."

Jeremiah 32:3 (The Message)
"Call to me and I will answer you.  I'll tell you marvelous and wonderful things that you could never figure out on your own."

I'm back...

After almost a year and a half away from updating my blog, I'm back!  As you may or may not know, I lost my mother in June, 2008.  It's been a tough couple of years, but I'm finally starting to return to normal...or as normal as you can be after losing your mom and best friend.  I am not quite sure how often I'll update...my goal is weekly.  However, I hope to start back writing and sharing my thoughts.  Not sure how many people actually read this, but it is very therapeutic for me to write.  I hope that along the way some of my ramblings may touch someone else.  Look for the latest update coming soon...

A Return to Joy

After many months away, I'm finally getting back to my blog. Something that used to be so much fun for me and cathartic in a way became difficult, and I just didn't feel like I had anything to say. That was due to going through the hardest thing I've ever been through the date...the passing away of my mom. As I sit here writing tonight, I'm sure the tears will come as will some laughter. It's been a long tough road since June 3, and I'm sure I have many more twists and turns to come. But today, for the first time since that day, I experienced true joy and happiness.

Nothing in particular brought the joy. Which is usually the way joy appears. Back in December I put up our Christmas tree and decorations. It was a hard thing to do. The last several years this was something that my mom and I shared. Due to her health, she wasn't able to do a lot as far as decorating. But we fell into our special routine...we would play Christmas music in the background...usually finding one or two songs that stood out that year and play them over and over. I would put up the tree and start taking out ornaments. She would help put up a few and then sit on the couch and watch me (and sometimes Bryce and Noah) put the others on the tree. She'd watch as I put out my collection of Nativity sets...many of which she and my dad had given me each previous year for Christmas. And I have a ton! And we would talk about anything and everything. And when everything was decorated, she would sit there and look at the living room and say how beautiful everything was. Now we don't live in an elaborate mansion...just a simple home with simple decorations. But to her, it was the most beautiful tree in the world. And it was also a reminder that the first Christmas was far from being elaborate...Baby Jesus in a manger surrounded by smelly animals. Yet it was the most beautiful Christmas ever.

So this year, after making myself put out decorations I really didn't want to deal with...I sat and listened to a Christmas song by Steven Curtis Chapman called "Home for Christmas"...and cried and weeped because I wasn't able to share this moment with my mom. The song is one that became special to me after my Mema passed away awhile back...and now has a new special meaning with this new loss. As that day went on, I didn't think I was going to make it. I pretty much just wanted to skip Christmas. As the days went on, I had some good days. But the closer Christmas got, the more I was dreading it. Thankfully, I had a handful of good friends who talked me through the rough days or just let me cry...and who still are there anytime I call. But I knew it was going to be hard.

So Christmas came and went. And it was....different. It was hard. Yes, I cried. My dad and I felt kind of out of place at the usual family gatherings. Kind of like we were missing a part of us. And we were. See, not only had we lost a wife and mother...we also lost our best friend. My parents have always been such an example of what true love is all about...and what I can only hope to find one day. And my mom and I shared something special, too, that not everyone has with their mom. So it was almost like having a double loss...on one hand my mom who raised me and prayed for me everyday and who I spent many days with at doctor's offices and hospitals...on the other hand my best friend who I could talk to and shop with and cry to when my heart got broken or laugh with over something crazy we did. And nothing can ever prepare you for a loss like that. It affects you in ways you cannot anticipate. And at times you even feel like you are going a little crazy.

I know that she's in Heaven, and I know without a doubt that I will see her again. But that didn't help with the anger that God had taken her too soon. That there were things I still wanted her here for...like my wedding, my children, Baddour plays (that she and my dad always came to), to cook Christmas goodies with, to talk to when there is no one else who understands, and the list goes on. Or the anger when well meaning people (who really don't know me well) would try to tell me they knew how I felt or what I was going through...because no one knows that except the person going through it. And I didn't want hugs and well wishes. I wanted to scream and cry and just be left alone. I still hate that she won't be here for those things and I still have issues with people other than my close friends trying to "make it better", but the anger is subsiding...and I know that God has a plan. Even though I don't understand it. But it's taken awhile to get to that point. And that's not to say that I won't have moments of anger again. Or moments of crying. Or denial. Or depression. All of those things are normal stages of grief. But today, for the first time since the days before June 3, I began to experience joy and happiness and peace.

Psalm 30:5 says "..weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." The weeping did endure, and it was a long night. But I'm beginning to see signs of the morning. Today I took down those same decorations I put up a month ago. But instead of crying with every ornament, I began to smile and even laugh at some of the memories of years past. And I felt this overwhelming peace and joy...that life was going to be ok. That God was going to do great things and that He would heal my heart.

Now, I still miss my mom and always will. No one can take that place. I'm going to miss cooking all of the treats we used to cook together for Christmas. I'm going to miss those unique Nativity sets she always got me (although my dad and a couple of my friends jumped in and gave me a couple this year...thank you!!!). I still miss the talks we had on the way to her doctor appointments. I miss our lunches. If I am ever blessed to be married and have children, I'm going to miss her not being there at the end of the aisle or in the delivery room. When I face another tragedy or loss or crisis, I'm going to miss having her to talk to. And when I have wonderful news, I'm going to miss rushing home to tell her. And I am thankful that my dad and I have a good relationship and can still share some of these things together.

But I can still have joy. A joy that no one can steal. I'm sure I'll have more nights of weeping, more bad days, more anger, more hurt. My heart has been broken beyond what can ever be fully repaired. But it is on the mend. And the Lord is faithful and will give me strength each day as I need it. And He will be my joy. He will be your joy. I'm sure some who read this have dealt with a loss or pain so deep you think you can never heal. But you can. Or rather He can heal you. He never promised it would be easy, but He did promise to never leave you. Even on days you don't feel Him there, on days when you scream at Him for allowing such pain (which is ok, you know...He's God and He can handle it) and on days when you just want to curl up in your bed and shut out the world...He's still there. And He waits to restore your joy.

I can't wait for the day I get to see my Momma again. But until that day, I'm going to try to live every day to the fullest and be happy...which is what she would want. And the joy I feel now is nothing to compare to the joy I'll feel on that day...when I not only get to see her again, but when I get to meet my Savior face to face for the first time. And I'll be filled with joy unspeakable and feel love beyond comprehension.

So please continue to pray for my dad and me as we continue to navigate this way we've never been before. I know we still have some hard days ahead. But I know with time, the pain will diminish and the happiness will grow. And the joy will return.

Taking a break...

As you may or may not know, my mother passed away June 3. Since that time, I haven't felt much like blogging...as I'm sure you understand. Not only did I lose my mom...I also lost my best friend. It's been a rough few months, but I hope to be back soon. Thanks for your prayers and thoughts.