After many months away, I'm finally getting back to my blog. Something that used to be so much fun for me and cathartic in a way became difficult, and I just didn't feel like I had anything to say. That was due to going through the hardest thing I've ever been through the date...the passing away of my mom. As I sit here writing tonight, I'm sure the tears will come as will some laughter. It's been a long tough road since June 3, and I'm sure I have many more twists and turns to come. But today, for the first time since that day, I experienced true joy and happiness.
Nothing in particular brought the joy. Which is usually the way joy appears. Back in December I put up our Christmas tree and decorations. It was a hard thing to do. The last several years this was something that my mom and I shared. Due to her health, she wasn't able to do a lot as far as decorating. But we fell into our special routine...we would play Christmas music in the background...usually finding one or two songs that stood out that year and play them over and over. I would put up the tree and start taking out ornaments. She would help put up a few and then sit on the couch and watch me (and sometimes Bryce and Noah) put the others on the tree. She'd watch as I put out my collection of Nativity sets...many of which she and my dad had given me each previous year for Christmas. And I have a ton! And we would talk about anything and everything. And when everything was decorated, she would sit there and look at the living room and say how beautiful everything was. Now we don't live in an elaborate mansion...just a simple home with simple decorations. But to her, it was the most beautiful tree in the world. And it was also a reminder that the first Christmas was far from being elaborate...Baby Jesus in a manger surrounded by smelly animals. Yet it was the most beautiful Christmas ever.
So this year, after making myself put out decorations I really didn't want to deal with...I sat and listened to a Christmas song by Steven Curtis Chapman called "Home for Christmas"...and cried and weeped because I wasn't able to share this moment with my mom. The song is one that became special to me after my Mema passed away awhile back...and now has a new special meaning with this new loss. As that day went on, I didn't think I was going to make it. I pretty much just wanted to skip Christmas. As the days went on, I had some good days. But the closer Christmas got, the more I was dreading it. Thankfully, I had a handful of good friends who talked me through the rough days or just let me cry...and who still are there anytime I call. But I knew it was going to be hard.
So Christmas came and went. And it was....different. It was hard. Yes, I cried. My dad and I felt kind of out of place at the usual family gatherings. Kind of like we were missing a part of us. And we were. See, not only had we lost a wife and mother...we also lost our best friend. My parents have always been such an example of what true love is all about...and what I can only hope to find one day. And my mom and I shared something special, too, that not everyone has with their mom. So it was almost like having a double loss...on one hand my mom who raised me and prayed for me everyday and who I spent many days with at doctor's offices and hospitals...on the other hand my best friend who I could talk to and shop with and cry to when my heart got broken or laugh with over something crazy we did. And nothing can ever prepare you for a loss like that. It affects you in ways you cannot anticipate. And at times you even feel like you are going a little crazy.
I know that she's in Heaven, and I know without a doubt that I will see her again. But that didn't help with the anger that God had taken her too soon. That there were things I still wanted her here for...like my wedding, my children, Baddour plays (that she and my dad always came to), to cook Christmas goodies with, to talk to when there is no one else who understands, and the list goes on. Or the anger when well meaning people (who really don't know me well) would try to tell me they knew how I felt or what I was going through...because no one knows that except the person going through it. And I didn't want hugs and well wishes. I wanted to scream and cry and just be left alone. I still hate that she won't be here for those things and I still have issues with people other than my close friends trying to "make it better", but the anger is subsiding...and I know that God has a plan. Even though I don't understand it. But it's taken awhile to get to that point. And that's not to say that I won't have moments of anger again. Or moments of crying. Or denial. Or depression. All of those things are normal stages of grief. But today, for the first time since the days before June 3, I began to experience joy and happiness and peace.
Psalm 30:5 says "..weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." The weeping did endure, and it was a long night. But I'm beginning to see signs of the morning. Today I took down those same decorations I put up a month ago. But instead of crying with every ornament, I began to smile and even laugh at some of the memories of years past. And I felt this overwhelming peace and joy...that life was going to be ok. That God was going to do great things and that He would heal my heart.
Now, I still miss my mom and always will. No one can take that place. I'm going to miss cooking all of the treats we used to cook together for Christmas. I'm going to miss those unique Nativity sets she always got me (although my dad and a couple of my friends jumped in and gave me a couple this year...thank you!!!). I still miss the talks we had on the way to her doctor appointments. I miss our lunches. If I am ever blessed to be married and have children, I'm going to miss her not being there at the end of the aisle or in the delivery room. When I face another tragedy or loss or crisis, I'm going to miss having her to talk to. And when I have wonderful news, I'm going to miss rushing home to tell her. And I am thankful that my dad and I have a good relationship and can still share some of these things together.
But I can still have joy. A joy that no one can steal. I'm sure I'll have more nights of weeping, more bad days, more anger, more hurt. My heart has been broken beyond what can ever be fully repaired. But it is on the mend. And the Lord is faithful and will give me strength each day as I need it. And He will be my joy. He will be your joy. I'm sure some who read this have dealt with a loss or pain so deep you think you can never heal. But you can. Or rather He can heal you. He never promised it would be easy, but He did promise to never leave you. Even on days you don't feel Him there, on days when you scream at Him for allowing such pain (which is ok, you know...He's God and He can handle it) and on days when you just want to curl up in your bed and shut out the world...He's still there. And He waits to restore your joy.
I can't wait for the day I get to see my Momma again. But until that day, I'm going to try to live every day to the fullest and be happy...which is what she would want. And the joy I feel now is nothing to compare to the joy I'll feel on that day...when I not only get to see her again, but when I get to meet my Savior face to face for the first time. And I'll be filled with joy unspeakable and feel love beyond comprehension.
So please continue to pray for my dad and me as we continue to navigate this way we've never been before. I know we still have some hard days ahead. But I know with time, the pain will diminish and the happiness will grow. And the joy will return.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Monday, November 3, 2008
Taking a break...
As you may or may not know, my mother passed away June 3. Since that time, I haven't felt much like blogging...as I'm sure you understand. Not only did I lose my mom...I also lost my best friend. It's been a rough few months, but I hope to be back soon. Thanks for your prayers and thoughts.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Holding On
Today at church we had a service for the seniors graduating from high school. As I sat there, I thought about life and how different mine has turned out to be from what I thought it would be. I remember my senior year of high school and all the plans and dreams I had. I wanted to be the next (and don't laugh) Debbie Gibson. For those of you too young to know who that is...think Miley Cyrus today. Seriously, I did want to sing and travel and tour and record and all that goes with the music business. I thought I'd be married by 30 and on my way to having the 10 children (yes, I was crazy) I planned to have. I knew I'd be out on my own in my own house. I thought life would be much different from what it is. Sure didn't think I'd still be living at home. Didn't think I'd have my heart broken as badly as I did. Had no idea I'd be doing the work I'm doing now. It makes me wonder about those students from today and how different their life is going to be in 10 years from what they think it will be like today.
However, as I look back over the time since graduation, I realize that even though my life isn't what I thought it would be that it is what it is meant to be. Now, I don't always like the turns my life has taken or the lessons I've had to learn. But I know that each moment has been part of God's plan for me. Even the moments I don't understand.
I have a hard time with waiting. I'm not the most patient person. People think I am because I work with people with intellectual disabilities. And in that respect, maybe I am patient. But in my own personal life, I don't like to wait. God promised that if we delight in Him He would give us the desires of our heart. But I want those desires right now. Not later. I'm also a worrier...although I've gotten better about that in the last year. But put impatience and worry together and a lot of times you get a big mess.
I've been reading "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. It has been an amazing tool God has used to help me see who He is making me to be. They talk about becoming the woman God made me to be and seeing my beauty (which is VERY difficult for me because I don't look at myself as beautiful) and how we need to trust in God for what we need in our lives. But there is a part that has hit home really hard with me. And it is about taking risks, trusting and striving. I don't like to take risks. I don't trust easily. And I strive to try to make my life what I want it to be and worry about things that are out of my control...rather than letting things just happen.
But I'm learning. And I'm getting better at those things. I love to read from "The Message" Bible. The translation is in today's language and makes things so clear. There are a couple of verses that I read almost every day. They are in Ephesians 3. "God can do anything you know - far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us." Wow! That is a pretty cool thing...to know that God can blow our minds with what He can do and that He delights to do it. But there is another verse further up in that passage that is what I fail to remember a lot of times. It says "God handling all the details."
This is where I have a hard time. I love to think that God can give me more than I could ever dream...but I don't always leave Him alone to let Him work it out. I know God is in control. I know He'll do what's best. I know He'll give me more than I ever dreamed. But still, I strive and struggle and beg and plead and try to take control rather than leaving it with Him. No matter how many times He proves faithful and works things out better than I ever could, I still slip back into wanting to take control. But I'm learning. And I have found that a lot of times, if I'll just wait on Him, He gives me not only what I need but also sometimes what I want. I'm also afraid to take the risks that He asks me to take. Even though I know He is with me in the situation and will work it out for my good, I still fear to hope that the risk will pay off and that good things will happen. But again, I'm learning.
And that brings me back to how life has turned out completely different from what I thought it would. I never did get to do the music thing professionally. But I got to become a music therapist and still use music to touch lives and change them. Do I still wish I could sing and travel? There are days I do. But knowing that I'm doing what God put me here to do is much more fulfilling. And who knows? One day He may grant me that request. I still live at home and don't have my own house. But I've been able to develop a good relationship with my parents that not everyone has. I'm not married and I sure don't have those 10 kids I once wanted. But that's ok, too. I'm a different person than I was 10 years ago, and I'm glad I've been able to grow into who I am becoming. And hopefully one day the Lord will bless me with a wonderful man that I can grow old with and with children (although I'm good with 2 or 3 now).
Life has not turned out quite like I planned it. It never does. Maybe yours hasn't either. Maybe like me your career has taken a different path. Maybe you are single and wish for the day someone would love you. Maybe you're divorced and you don't know if you can trust anyone to love you again. Maybe you have health issues you never thought you'd face and life has completely changed. Maybe you've had your heart broken to the point you don't think you'll ever feel you can let anyone in again. Maybe you've lost a child, a parent, a friend way too soon. I could go on and on with a list of ways life has taken the breath out of you. Or maybe your life has turned out how you planned and everything is great. But trust me, at some point life will hit you hard and you will wonder what it's all about.
Jeremiah 29:11 is a favorite verse of mine. It says that the Lord knows the plans He has for us, plans for good and not for evil. Plans to give us a future and a hope. He knows the plans He has for us. They may not be the same plans we have for us. But I can guarantee you that when you get to the end of your road, you will be able to look back and see that His plans were best. I've also found that sometimes those things I thought wanted actually turned out to not be so great. There are days when I question Him a lot and wonder what in the world He's doing. There are days when I think He's left me out here to fight for myself. But He hasn't. And He knows what He's doing. And even though He's proven Himself faithful, I still have a hard time trusting Him to do what's best when things seem to fall apart. But He understands that, too.
So no matter where your life has taken you, no matter what circumstance you find yourself in, you can trust that God is there with you. Even when it's scary or hard or confusing, He knows what He's doing. Sometimes the hardest things we have to go through turn out to be blessings in disguise...preparing us for something greater and more wonderful. And if we will just rest in Him, trust Him and be willing to take the risks He asks us to take, life will turn out as He planned.
FFH has a song on their latest CD called "Holding On." The lyrics have really spoken to me and have helped me see how I just have to hold on to Him and He will provide all I need...and sometimes what I want, too. So hold on to Him and trust Him to work out all the details and to give you the desires of your heart.
"Holding On"
Lord, the wind and the rain are stronger today
Lord, the risk and the pain are scaring me away
But You call me just the same
You call me by name
Lord, I know I could stay but I would never know
Or have the power to stir the deep waters of my soul
So it's a chance I have to take
So willfully I go
Because I know
That when I'm weak
You are strong
Though this road might get long
You are near
And I'm right where I belong
In Your will
Holding on
Lord, you know what I need
And You will provide
Daily bread just for me
And I will survive
This desert of uncertainty
And You'll be my guide if I abide
Cause when I'm weak
You are strong
Though this road might get long
You are near
And I'm right where I belong
In Your will
Holding on
Lord, I'm steady and holding on to You
Lord, I'm steady and holding on to You
Lord, I'm steady and holding on to You
Lord, I'm steady and holding on to You
When I'm weak
You are strong
Though this road might get long
You are near
And I'm right where I belong
In Your will
Holding on
In Your will
Holding on
However, as I look back over the time since graduation, I realize that even though my life isn't what I thought it would be that it is what it is meant to be. Now, I don't always like the turns my life has taken or the lessons I've had to learn. But I know that each moment has been part of God's plan for me. Even the moments I don't understand.
I have a hard time with waiting. I'm not the most patient person. People think I am because I work with people with intellectual disabilities. And in that respect, maybe I am patient. But in my own personal life, I don't like to wait. God promised that if we delight in Him He would give us the desires of our heart. But I want those desires right now. Not later. I'm also a worrier...although I've gotten better about that in the last year. But put impatience and worry together and a lot of times you get a big mess.
I've been reading "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. It has been an amazing tool God has used to help me see who He is making me to be. They talk about becoming the woman God made me to be and seeing my beauty (which is VERY difficult for me because I don't look at myself as beautiful) and how we need to trust in God for what we need in our lives. But there is a part that has hit home really hard with me. And it is about taking risks, trusting and striving. I don't like to take risks. I don't trust easily. And I strive to try to make my life what I want it to be and worry about things that are out of my control...rather than letting things just happen.
But I'm learning. And I'm getting better at those things. I love to read from "The Message" Bible. The translation is in today's language and makes things so clear. There are a couple of verses that I read almost every day. They are in Ephesians 3. "God can do anything you know - far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us." Wow! That is a pretty cool thing...to know that God can blow our minds with what He can do and that He delights to do it. But there is another verse further up in that passage that is what I fail to remember a lot of times. It says "God handling all the details."
This is where I have a hard time. I love to think that God can give me more than I could ever dream...but I don't always leave Him alone to let Him work it out. I know God is in control. I know He'll do what's best. I know He'll give me more than I ever dreamed. But still, I strive and struggle and beg and plead and try to take control rather than leaving it with Him. No matter how many times He proves faithful and works things out better than I ever could, I still slip back into wanting to take control. But I'm learning. And I have found that a lot of times, if I'll just wait on Him, He gives me not only what I need but also sometimes what I want. I'm also afraid to take the risks that He asks me to take. Even though I know He is with me in the situation and will work it out for my good, I still fear to hope that the risk will pay off and that good things will happen. But again, I'm learning.
And that brings me back to how life has turned out completely different from what I thought it would. I never did get to do the music thing professionally. But I got to become a music therapist and still use music to touch lives and change them. Do I still wish I could sing and travel? There are days I do. But knowing that I'm doing what God put me here to do is much more fulfilling. And who knows? One day He may grant me that request. I still live at home and don't have my own house. But I've been able to develop a good relationship with my parents that not everyone has. I'm not married and I sure don't have those 10 kids I once wanted. But that's ok, too. I'm a different person than I was 10 years ago, and I'm glad I've been able to grow into who I am becoming. And hopefully one day the Lord will bless me with a wonderful man that I can grow old with and with children (although I'm good with 2 or 3 now).
Life has not turned out quite like I planned it. It never does. Maybe yours hasn't either. Maybe like me your career has taken a different path. Maybe you are single and wish for the day someone would love you. Maybe you're divorced and you don't know if you can trust anyone to love you again. Maybe you have health issues you never thought you'd face and life has completely changed. Maybe you've had your heart broken to the point you don't think you'll ever feel you can let anyone in again. Maybe you've lost a child, a parent, a friend way too soon. I could go on and on with a list of ways life has taken the breath out of you. Or maybe your life has turned out how you planned and everything is great. But trust me, at some point life will hit you hard and you will wonder what it's all about.
Jeremiah 29:11 is a favorite verse of mine. It says that the Lord knows the plans He has for us, plans for good and not for evil. Plans to give us a future and a hope. He knows the plans He has for us. They may not be the same plans we have for us. But I can guarantee you that when you get to the end of your road, you will be able to look back and see that His plans were best. I've also found that sometimes those things I thought wanted actually turned out to not be so great. There are days when I question Him a lot and wonder what in the world He's doing. There are days when I think He's left me out here to fight for myself. But He hasn't. And He knows what He's doing. And even though He's proven Himself faithful, I still have a hard time trusting Him to do what's best when things seem to fall apart. But He understands that, too.
So no matter where your life has taken you, no matter what circumstance you find yourself in, you can trust that God is there with you. Even when it's scary or hard or confusing, He knows what He's doing. Sometimes the hardest things we have to go through turn out to be blessings in disguise...preparing us for something greater and more wonderful. And if we will just rest in Him, trust Him and be willing to take the risks He asks us to take, life will turn out as He planned.
FFH has a song on their latest CD called "Holding On." The lyrics have really spoken to me and have helped me see how I just have to hold on to Him and He will provide all I need...and sometimes what I want, too. So hold on to Him and trust Him to work out all the details and to give you the desires of your heart.
"Holding On"
Lord, the wind and the rain are stronger today
Lord, the risk and the pain are scaring me away
But You call me just the same
You call me by name
Lord, I know I could stay but I would never know
Or have the power to stir the deep waters of my soul
So it's a chance I have to take
So willfully I go
Because I know
That when I'm weak
You are strong
Though this road might get long
You are near
And I'm right where I belong
In Your will
Holding on
Lord, you know what I need
And You will provide
Daily bread just for me
And I will survive
This desert of uncertainty
And You'll be my guide if I abide
Cause when I'm weak
You are strong
Though this road might get long
You are near
And I'm right where I belong
In Your will
Holding on
Lord, I'm steady and holding on to You
Lord, I'm steady and holding on to You
Lord, I'm steady and holding on to You
Lord, I'm steady and holding on to You
When I'm weak
You are strong
Though this road might get long
You are near
And I'm right where I belong
In Your will
Holding on
In Your will
Holding on
Friday, February 29, 2008
Resting, Resting
Resting. In today's world that is a somewhat unknown concept. Merriam Webster dictionary says that to rest is "to cease from action or motion, to be free from anxiety or disturbance; to sit or lie fixed or supported; to remain confident." It also says rest is "freedom from activity or labor; a peace of mind or spirit; a rhythmic silence in music."
It's amazing the pround truths we find when we actually look at what a word means.
I recently got FFH's latest CD called Worship in the Waiting. It is an amazing collection of songs about worship and waiting on the Lord. In the middle of the CD is this wonderful jewel...a new arrangement of an old hymn called "Jesus I Am Resting, Resting." As I first listened to the song, I thought it was a beautiful arrangement and thought it was interesting.
However, life, as it usually does, hits and things knock us off our feet. We then jump to action to try to "fix" things, try to make things better. But what if, just once, instead of trying to deal with the blows life gives we rested in Jesus? What if instead of worrying about how we are going to make it to the next paycheck we rested in Him and trusted Him to provide as He promised He would? What if instead of being anxious over things we cannot control we trusted Him to be our safety and protection as He promised He would? What if instead of trying to work things out that we think are best and in a way we think is best we trusted Him to take care of every detail and give us the desires of our heart as He promised He would? And as life hit, this song became more than just a pretty arrangment. It became a catalyst to draw me closer to the Father. And it showed me something I needed to see.
What if we simply rested in Him?
Which takes me back to the definition of the word rest.
"To cease from action or motion." How many times have you wanted something to work out a certain way - anything from trying to get a certain guy or girl's attention to getting that promotion to buying a house - and you did everything in your power you could to get it? (and usually ended up right back where you started before you started "meddling") Or how many times have you had something bad happen and you tried to fix it in your own way? Next time, try resting in Him. Cease from action or motion and let Him act and move as He knows best and watch the miracles He'll do.
"To be free from anxiety or disturbance." Now this is one that hits home for me. I worry about things that are just stupid to worry about. I'm anxious about things I have no control over. I know a lot of us are like this. We say we are trusting Him but then something happens and we start to doubt that faith. We need to rest in Him. He didn't promise life would be easy, but He did promise He would never leave us and promised that no one can steal us from His hand. With God in control, we can live free from anxiety. If we will only trust.
"To sit or lie fixed or supported." How many times do we try to do things on our own and only when they fail seek His help? To rest in Him means to live knowing He is supporting us in our every endeavor and need. If we fix our eyes on Him and keep our focus where it should be rather than on what we think can or can't be done, we would live resting in Him.
"To remain confident." Hmmm... Confidence is not one of my strong points. I am always doubting myself, my talents, my abilities, my looks. You name it, I probably have an issue with being confident about it. However, to rest is to remain confident. And here's the thing. If I rest in Him, I can be confident in Him. And even when my confidence wavers, I know He will be my confidence. And I know that as my Creator, He equipped me with everything I need to be who He made me to be and to accomplish the purpose He placed me on this earth for.
"Freedom from activity or labor." In today's society people who take time to rest are viewed sometimes as lazy or as carefree. But God told us we needed to rest. Really rest. Even when we are home from work, a lot of us still work. We can be too busy. We run here and there and fill our lives with things that we think are important. We think that if we take a break the world will stop turning and everything around us will fall apart. And I know not everyone will agree with this next statement, but sometimes even church and doing things that we think are spiritual can get in the way of resting in Him - especially when those things get in the way of our worship or take the place of our worship of Him. Sometimes God calls us to cease from everything but resting in Him. If you find that life is keeping you from Him, you may need to evaluate your priorities. It's a trap we all fall into. But our spirits need refreshing. God did not create us to go 24/7 and never rest. He created us to be relational...and most of all of have a relationship with Him. Resting in Him is a very important part of that. It is how we refresh our spirits. Which leads to the next point.
"A peace of mind or spirit." Be honest. How many of us actually have a peace of mind or spirit. II Timothy 1:7 tells us the God didn't give us a spirit of fear but one of power, love and a sound mind. I don't know about you, but I don't often live that kind of life. Love...ok, that comes pretty easily for me for the most part - most days. Power and a sound mind are another story. But if we will rest in Him, He will give us that power to do what He has called us to do and a sound mind and will surround us with His love.
"A rhythmic silence in music." Now you may wonder why I included this part of the definition. What does this have to do with resting in Jesus. Well, I'm a musical person. I have a passion for music and it's effects on people...I mean that's why I'm a music therapist. But have you every listened to a beautiful song and there will be a pause at just the right moment. Sometimes it's a dramatic pause and then the music swells back in and blows you away. Sometimes it's a soft, simple pause and the music will softly come back in and bring a tear to your eye. Either way it makes the music after the pause that much sweeter. That is an analogy for life. I view life as a big symphony written by the Master Musician. It is full of crescendos and flowing phrases, harsh chords and beautiful melodies. And rests. Life is tough. It's not something you just take the scenic route through. Like a musical composition, life takes work. A composer doesn't just sit down and pop out a song in 5 minutes. (ok...well some do, and I'm jealous of those people...but most work on compositions for awhile) They tweak it to make it perfect. They play through a line and change a note or chord. They may change a lyric. And in order for a piece of music to be complete, there usually has to be a rest somewhere. If not, the chords would run together and lyrics would turn into jumble. God writes our life out like a beautiful composition. And at times, there are times of rest. We have to take time to rest in Him so the symphony of our life can be complete. He works on us. Changes us. Disciplines us. Loves us. And calls us to rest. And just like in music, the moment right after the rest is sweet. And we can go on with power and love and continue in the work He has given us to do.
Resting. Something we all need. If you go for days without sleep, at some point your body is going to shut down. If we go without spiritual rest, at some point our spirit will shut down. Jesus calls us to rest in Him. What greater invitation can you receive? None. For nowhere but in the sweet presence of our Lord can we find all we need and all we desire. Nowhere else can we find the unconditional love and acceptance we crave. Nowhere else can we find the peace and joy our hearts long for.
I hope you will take time to learn to rest in your Father. And come to know the sweetness of His love and provision.
"Jesus I Am Resting, Resting"
(Jean S. Pigott, James Mountain)
Jesus I am resting, resting
In the joy of what Thou art
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee
As Thy beauty fills my soul
For, by Thy transforming power
Thou hast made me whole
Jesus I am resting, resting
In the joy of what Thou art
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart
Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus
I behold Thee as Thou art
And Thy love, so pure, so changeless
Satisfies my heart
Satisfies its deepest longings
Meets, supplies its every need
You encompass me with blessings
Thine is love indeed
Jesus I am resting, resting
In the joy of what Thou art
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart
Ever lift Thy face upon me
As I work and wait for Thee
Resting 'neath Thy smile, Lord Jesus
Earth's dark shadows flee
Brightness of my Father's glory
Sunshine of my Father's face
Keep me ever trusting, resting
Fill me with Thy grace
Jesus I am resting, resting
In the joy of what Thou art
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart
It's amazing the pround truths we find when we actually look at what a word means.
I recently got FFH's latest CD called Worship in the Waiting. It is an amazing collection of songs about worship and waiting on the Lord. In the middle of the CD is this wonderful jewel...a new arrangement of an old hymn called "Jesus I Am Resting, Resting." As I first listened to the song, I thought it was a beautiful arrangement and thought it was interesting.
However, life, as it usually does, hits and things knock us off our feet. We then jump to action to try to "fix" things, try to make things better. But what if, just once, instead of trying to deal with the blows life gives we rested in Jesus? What if instead of worrying about how we are going to make it to the next paycheck we rested in Him and trusted Him to provide as He promised He would? What if instead of being anxious over things we cannot control we trusted Him to be our safety and protection as He promised He would? What if instead of trying to work things out that we think are best and in a way we think is best we trusted Him to take care of every detail and give us the desires of our heart as He promised He would? And as life hit, this song became more than just a pretty arrangment. It became a catalyst to draw me closer to the Father. And it showed me something I needed to see.
What if we simply rested in Him?
Which takes me back to the definition of the word rest.
"To cease from action or motion." How many times have you wanted something to work out a certain way - anything from trying to get a certain guy or girl's attention to getting that promotion to buying a house - and you did everything in your power you could to get it? (and usually ended up right back where you started before you started "meddling") Or how many times have you had something bad happen and you tried to fix it in your own way? Next time, try resting in Him. Cease from action or motion and let Him act and move as He knows best and watch the miracles He'll do.
"To be free from anxiety or disturbance." Now this is one that hits home for me. I worry about things that are just stupid to worry about. I'm anxious about things I have no control over. I know a lot of us are like this. We say we are trusting Him but then something happens and we start to doubt that faith. We need to rest in Him. He didn't promise life would be easy, but He did promise He would never leave us and promised that no one can steal us from His hand. With God in control, we can live free from anxiety. If we will only trust.
"To sit or lie fixed or supported." How many times do we try to do things on our own and only when they fail seek His help? To rest in Him means to live knowing He is supporting us in our every endeavor and need. If we fix our eyes on Him and keep our focus where it should be rather than on what we think can or can't be done, we would live resting in Him.
"To remain confident." Hmmm... Confidence is not one of my strong points. I am always doubting myself, my talents, my abilities, my looks. You name it, I probably have an issue with being confident about it. However, to rest is to remain confident. And here's the thing. If I rest in Him, I can be confident in Him. And even when my confidence wavers, I know He will be my confidence. And I know that as my Creator, He equipped me with everything I need to be who He made me to be and to accomplish the purpose He placed me on this earth for.
"Freedom from activity or labor." In today's society people who take time to rest are viewed sometimes as lazy or as carefree. But God told us we needed to rest. Really rest. Even when we are home from work, a lot of us still work. We can be too busy. We run here and there and fill our lives with things that we think are important. We think that if we take a break the world will stop turning and everything around us will fall apart. And I know not everyone will agree with this next statement, but sometimes even church and doing things that we think are spiritual can get in the way of resting in Him - especially when those things get in the way of our worship or take the place of our worship of Him. Sometimes God calls us to cease from everything but resting in Him. If you find that life is keeping you from Him, you may need to evaluate your priorities. It's a trap we all fall into. But our spirits need refreshing. God did not create us to go 24/7 and never rest. He created us to be relational...and most of all of have a relationship with Him. Resting in Him is a very important part of that. It is how we refresh our spirits. Which leads to the next point.
"A peace of mind or spirit." Be honest. How many of us actually have a peace of mind or spirit. II Timothy 1:7 tells us the God didn't give us a spirit of fear but one of power, love and a sound mind. I don't know about you, but I don't often live that kind of life. Love...ok, that comes pretty easily for me for the most part - most days. Power and a sound mind are another story. But if we will rest in Him, He will give us that power to do what He has called us to do and a sound mind and will surround us with His love.
"A rhythmic silence in music." Now you may wonder why I included this part of the definition. What does this have to do with resting in Jesus. Well, I'm a musical person. I have a passion for music and it's effects on people...I mean that's why I'm a music therapist. But have you every listened to a beautiful song and there will be a pause at just the right moment. Sometimes it's a dramatic pause and then the music swells back in and blows you away. Sometimes it's a soft, simple pause and the music will softly come back in and bring a tear to your eye. Either way it makes the music after the pause that much sweeter. That is an analogy for life. I view life as a big symphony written by the Master Musician. It is full of crescendos and flowing phrases, harsh chords and beautiful melodies. And rests. Life is tough. It's not something you just take the scenic route through. Like a musical composition, life takes work. A composer doesn't just sit down and pop out a song in 5 minutes. (ok...well some do, and I'm jealous of those people...but most work on compositions for awhile) They tweak it to make it perfect. They play through a line and change a note or chord. They may change a lyric. And in order for a piece of music to be complete, there usually has to be a rest somewhere. If not, the chords would run together and lyrics would turn into jumble. God writes our life out like a beautiful composition. And at times, there are times of rest. We have to take time to rest in Him so the symphony of our life can be complete. He works on us. Changes us. Disciplines us. Loves us. And calls us to rest. And just like in music, the moment right after the rest is sweet. And we can go on with power and love and continue in the work He has given us to do.
Resting. Something we all need. If you go for days without sleep, at some point your body is going to shut down. If we go without spiritual rest, at some point our spirit will shut down. Jesus calls us to rest in Him. What greater invitation can you receive? None. For nowhere but in the sweet presence of our Lord can we find all we need and all we desire. Nowhere else can we find the unconditional love and acceptance we crave. Nowhere else can we find the peace and joy our hearts long for.
I hope you will take time to learn to rest in your Father. And come to know the sweetness of His love and provision.
"Jesus I Am Resting, Resting"
(Jean S. Pigott, James Mountain)
Jesus I am resting, resting
In the joy of what Thou art
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee
As Thy beauty fills my soul
For, by Thy transforming power
Thou hast made me whole
Jesus I am resting, resting
In the joy of what Thou art
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart
Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus
I behold Thee as Thou art
And Thy love, so pure, so changeless
Satisfies my heart
Satisfies its deepest longings
Meets, supplies its every need
You encompass me with blessings
Thine is love indeed
Jesus I am resting, resting
In the joy of what Thou art
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart
Ever lift Thy face upon me
As I work and wait for Thee
Resting 'neath Thy smile, Lord Jesus
Earth's dark shadows flee
Brightness of my Father's glory
Sunshine of my Father's face
Keep me ever trusting, resting
Fill me with Thy grace
Jesus I am resting, resting
In the joy of what Thou art
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Roller Coasters
Roller coasters. Hate them! Well, usually. I'm afraid of heights (yet I love to go parasailing...go figure). And I hate not being in control of myself. So put those two things together, and you see why I hate roller coasters. I'm just not a fan of being thrown up and down and upside down at very fast speeds. And how can I be sure the track won't just spontaneously break apart? But, sometimes, if I garner my courage, I will ride a roller coaster. Why? Because I'm crazy? Well, yeah, that, too. :) But basically I sometimes ride them to prove to myself I can do it. And usually, after the ride is over, I'm not only proud of myself for actually doing it, but I also like the thrill of the ride. And I learn something about myself and those fears I had start to get smaller. I also learn that I can trust the engineer who designed and created the roller coaster.
Such is life. This life is one big roller coaster ride. Scary. Fun. Wild. Worth it. Life could be simple. No ups and downs. Just monotony. God could have created it to be that way. But He didn't. And while there are times that I wish He would, I'm so thankful He didn't.
A few weeks ago I was definitely in one of those lows. Work was crazy. I felt like if one more thing was asked of me I would just fall apart. I was tired. I was struggling with just a bunch of different things. I had a friend who was going through a hard time. Another friend was struggling with figuring out her direction in life. Another friend is fighting cancer along with dealing with the loss of a friend. It just seemed like one thing after another. And I questioned God. A lot.
Some people think it's wrong to question Him. But I believe He welcomes those questions. When life gets so out of control, who better to go to than God. I wondered why my friend was not only fighting her own battle with cancer but also had to lose a friend to the same disease. I wondered why my friend had to have heart broken yet again. I wondered about my job and if I was really making a difference. I wondered about this and a lot more. And God listened. He listened to my cries and prayers and screams.
During this time, a friend of mine posted a blog wondering about direction in life and wondering why God allowed certain things and why He didn't always let us in on the answers to the questions we ask. Would it make life any easier if we knew what was coming around the corner? If we knew what was going to happen next? But life isn't that way. Just like that roller coaster and the not knowing what is next on the track, life throws things at you that you don't expect. Sometimes those things are hard. They are difficult and bad and throw us for a stomach lurching loop. I responded to my friend's blog with this: I just wish sometimes God would send me a letter in the mail each week outlining everything. But I guess that's how we learn and grow. And I don't think I'd enjoy life as much if I did know the outcomes of stuff and knew what was going to happen before it happened...that would take away the not understanding the hard stuff. But it would also take away the excitement of surprises that lie just around the corner...and I don't want to miss that. :)So we take the good with the bad...and hopefully when all is said and done, the good will far outweigh the bad.
Sometimes those unexpected twists and turns are glorious surpises that knock our socks off. After the rough few weeks at work and the sadness of listening to the problems my friends were having and struggling with my own value and worth, God sent one of those stomach lurching turns that was exhilarating and fun!
If you don't know, I work as a music therapist (and run the expressive arts program) for a residential community for adults with intellectual disabilties. I have a resident who I connected with when I first started working there. He has Down's syndrome and is such a delight to work with...when he's not being stubborn. :) Over the last few years, he and I have connected and bonded over music. He loves music! His favorite thing to play in class is his lollipop drum, but he loves the guitar and piano as well. I've always noticed that he keeps a steady beat when he plays along to music, but I never really did anything with that. Until the last couple of weeks.
Back in December, I was privileged to go see Blake Lewis perform. {Yes, this is vital to the story and not just a blatant plug. :) I promise.} He performed with his drummer, KJ Sawka. After their performance, I was fortunate to get to meet them both and get pictures with them. It was a fun night, and I was giddy from getting to meet them but really thought nothing else about it. Then I found out that KJ had CD's of his own drum and bass music. I'd never really heard anything like this before, but I was intrigued and very impressed, so I bought his stuff. Well, a couple of weeks ago, my intern and I were talking and I thought about my resident and how he loves to drum. And I had the idea to try some of KJ's music with him. So I did, and it was amazing! My resident loved the music! He played complex beats. He smiled and danced. He just lit up! We set up the full drum set and let him play along on it. And wow! It was beyond words.
And that brings me back the exhilarating highs of life! Here I was, basically wondering if what I did every day made a difference. And then God surprises me to no end! Only God could take music from some guy in Seattle and turn it into an outlet for this resident to realize his full potential. And in turn use it to touch not only my life but also KJ, who was happy that his music could reach someone like that.
And I realized that as low as those lows can be and as hard as life sometimes gets, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Because it's those lows that make you appreciate the high times of life so much. The breakthrough with this resident couldn't have come at a better time. It not only showed me that I do make a difference every day, which is cool by itself. But it also showed me that, just as I can trust the engineer who designed those scary roller coasters, I can trust the God who designed me and created this roller coaster of life. And it showed me that my God is a God who delights in surprising me in the most amazing and jaw dropping ways!
I still hate roller coasters, but every now and then, if you're lucky, you can witness me actually ride one. And it is always worth it! I don't always like the twists and turns that life throws my way, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's what makes us who we are. We all have our stories that God weaves together into a beautiful tapestry. Only He can take a broken heart and use it to bring two friends closer. Only He can take a body ravaged by cancer and make it a testimony to His grace. Only He can take music created by someone a thousand miles away and use it to touch a person who the world views as a nobody. Only He can take a sinner and set them free.
One of my favorite verses if Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Last week I was updating my iPod and found an older song I had forgotten about. But God knew I needed to hear it, and I hope you will find comfort in its words, too. It is by Crystal Lewis entitled "Why". I pray you will rest in Him to keep you safe and secure in this roller coaster of life. And I hope you learn to enjoy and cherish each and every moment that life brings.
Why
My thoughts they overwhelm me, my mind cannot contain
The pain that is within me. Why?
I long for understanding, I live to know the peace
That comes from being sure of something
My eyes are blind to your ways, oh Lord.
Yet, I've seen you love and care, so
I'll rest in Your knowing though I may not know
I take on Your strength as though it were my own
Standing on the promises Your word for me provides
I find therein the answer to the question why
My complaint today is bitter, but sweet is Your reply
My questioning still lingers though, why
You know each road I travel down, my heart and Yours are one
I just don't see the good in all this
My eyes are blind to your ways, oh Lord.
Yet, I've seen you love and care, so
I'll rest in Your knowing though I may not know
I take on Your strength as though it were my own
Standing on the promises Your word for me provides
I find therein the answer to the question why
Through suffering and sorrow come peace beyond belief
For our present set of circumstances serve only to remind us
Of the gold we can't yet see
I'll rest in Your knowing though I may not know
I take on Your strength as though it were my own
Standing on the promises Your word for me provides
I find therein the answer to the question why
Such is life. This life is one big roller coaster ride. Scary. Fun. Wild. Worth it. Life could be simple. No ups and downs. Just monotony. God could have created it to be that way. But He didn't. And while there are times that I wish He would, I'm so thankful He didn't.
A few weeks ago I was definitely in one of those lows. Work was crazy. I felt like if one more thing was asked of me I would just fall apart. I was tired. I was struggling with just a bunch of different things. I had a friend who was going through a hard time. Another friend was struggling with figuring out her direction in life. Another friend is fighting cancer along with dealing with the loss of a friend. It just seemed like one thing after another. And I questioned God. A lot.
Some people think it's wrong to question Him. But I believe He welcomes those questions. When life gets so out of control, who better to go to than God. I wondered why my friend was not only fighting her own battle with cancer but also had to lose a friend to the same disease. I wondered why my friend had to have heart broken yet again. I wondered about my job and if I was really making a difference. I wondered about this and a lot more. And God listened. He listened to my cries and prayers and screams.
During this time, a friend of mine posted a blog wondering about direction in life and wondering why God allowed certain things and why He didn't always let us in on the answers to the questions we ask. Would it make life any easier if we knew what was coming around the corner? If we knew what was going to happen next? But life isn't that way. Just like that roller coaster and the not knowing what is next on the track, life throws things at you that you don't expect. Sometimes those things are hard. They are difficult and bad and throw us for a stomach lurching loop. I responded to my friend's blog with this: I just wish sometimes God would send me a letter in the mail each week outlining everything. But I guess that's how we learn and grow. And I don't think I'd enjoy life as much if I did know the outcomes of stuff and knew what was going to happen before it happened...that would take away the not understanding the hard stuff. But it would also take away the excitement of surprises that lie just around the corner...and I don't want to miss that. :)So we take the good with the bad...and hopefully when all is said and done, the good will far outweigh the bad.
Sometimes those unexpected twists and turns are glorious surpises that knock our socks off. After the rough few weeks at work and the sadness of listening to the problems my friends were having and struggling with my own value and worth, God sent one of those stomach lurching turns that was exhilarating and fun!
If you don't know, I work as a music therapist (and run the expressive arts program) for a residential community for adults with intellectual disabilties. I have a resident who I connected with when I first started working there. He has Down's syndrome and is such a delight to work with...when he's not being stubborn. :) Over the last few years, he and I have connected and bonded over music. He loves music! His favorite thing to play in class is his lollipop drum, but he loves the guitar and piano as well. I've always noticed that he keeps a steady beat when he plays along to music, but I never really did anything with that. Until the last couple of weeks.
Back in December, I was privileged to go see Blake Lewis perform. {Yes, this is vital to the story and not just a blatant plug. :) I promise.} He performed with his drummer, KJ Sawka. After their performance, I was fortunate to get to meet them both and get pictures with them. It was a fun night, and I was giddy from getting to meet them but really thought nothing else about it. Then I found out that KJ had CD's of his own drum and bass music. I'd never really heard anything like this before, but I was intrigued and very impressed, so I bought his stuff. Well, a couple of weeks ago, my intern and I were talking and I thought about my resident and how he loves to drum. And I had the idea to try some of KJ's music with him. So I did, and it was amazing! My resident loved the music! He played complex beats. He smiled and danced. He just lit up! We set up the full drum set and let him play along on it. And wow! It was beyond words.
And that brings me back the exhilarating highs of life! Here I was, basically wondering if what I did every day made a difference. And then God surprises me to no end! Only God could take music from some guy in Seattle and turn it into an outlet for this resident to realize his full potential. And in turn use it to touch not only my life but also KJ, who was happy that his music could reach someone like that.
And I realized that as low as those lows can be and as hard as life sometimes gets, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Because it's those lows that make you appreciate the high times of life so much. The breakthrough with this resident couldn't have come at a better time. It not only showed me that I do make a difference every day, which is cool by itself. But it also showed me that, just as I can trust the engineer who designed those scary roller coasters, I can trust the God who designed me and created this roller coaster of life. And it showed me that my God is a God who delights in surprising me in the most amazing and jaw dropping ways!
I still hate roller coasters, but every now and then, if you're lucky, you can witness me actually ride one. And it is always worth it! I don't always like the twists and turns that life throws my way, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's what makes us who we are. We all have our stories that God weaves together into a beautiful tapestry. Only He can take a broken heart and use it to bring two friends closer. Only He can take a body ravaged by cancer and make it a testimony to His grace. Only He can take music created by someone a thousand miles away and use it to touch a person who the world views as a nobody. Only He can take a sinner and set them free.
One of my favorite verses if Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Last week I was updating my iPod and found an older song I had forgotten about. But God knew I needed to hear it, and I hope you will find comfort in its words, too. It is by Crystal Lewis entitled "Why". I pray you will rest in Him to keep you safe and secure in this roller coaster of life. And I hope you learn to enjoy and cherish each and every moment that life brings.
Why
My thoughts they overwhelm me, my mind cannot contain
The pain that is within me. Why?
I long for understanding, I live to know the peace
That comes from being sure of something
My eyes are blind to your ways, oh Lord.
Yet, I've seen you love and care, so
I'll rest in Your knowing though I may not know
I take on Your strength as though it were my own
Standing on the promises Your word for me provides
I find therein the answer to the question why
My complaint today is bitter, but sweet is Your reply
My questioning still lingers though, why
You know each road I travel down, my heart and Yours are one
I just don't see the good in all this
My eyes are blind to your ways, oh Lord.
Yet, I've seen you love and care, so
I'll rest in Your knowing though I may not know
I take on Your strength as though it were my own
Standing on the promises Your word for me provides
I find therein the answer to the question why
Through suffering and sorrow come peace beyond belief
For our present set of circumstances serve only to remind us
Of the gold we can't yet see
I'll rest in Your knowing though I may not know
I take on Your strength as though it were my own
Standing on the promises Your word for me provides
I find therein the answer to the question why
Monday, December 24, 2007
The Meaning of Christmas
I haven't really been in the "spirit" for Christmas this year. It's driving me crazy because normally I'm all about Christmas. Giving gifts to friends and family. Christmas cards. All the good food. Spending time with family and friends. Christmas carols. I usually drive everyone crazy because I start listening to Christmas music in October! Every year I always write out my own Christmas card, print them and mail them. I love to cook and normally have cooked non stop by this time of year.
But this year has been different. I've hardly listened to Christmas music. I didn't send out cards. Even shopping for gifts this year was a chore. I haven't cooked a ton of food. It's just been weird. And it's not been me.
But as I sit to write this blog, I realize that, as important and fun as all those things are, they are not really, truly what Christmas is about. Those things and traditions are a part of Christmas...but they are not the reason for it.
I collect Nativity sets. I put as many out as I can each year at Christmas. And I'm afraid that at times, this year included, I have simply put them out as collectibles. I haven't taken the time to really think about what they represent. Oh, I know they depict the birth of Christ. But do I really take the time to think about what that really means? And sadly enough, I don't always do that.
This year I watched "The Nativity Story" for the first time. And I've watched it twice so far. It brought me back to the realization of what this season is all about. I watched the struggle that Mary and Joseph went through for this baby. I saw the faith that they both had, even in the midst of judgement from others. I saw the joy on their face when they realized that she had just given birth to the Savior. And I wanted that joy. That was the moment that touched me the most, that brought tears to my eyes. The realization that God - eternal, all powerful, great God - loved me enough to risk it all to come save me.
That is a powerful and awe-inspiring thing. He didn't have to do that. But He took on flesh, allowed himself to be totally dependent on two people who had no clue where life was going to take them. He chose not to be born in an age of convenience and electricity and running water and hotels. But He chose to enter this life in a tough and dangerous time and be born in a stable. There were no hospitals, no doctors or nurses, no epidurals. Nothing. Not even clean cloths to wrap Him in. Why? Why would He do that for someone like me? Someone who tries to live the best she can and tries to please Him, but who fails miserably every day. Someone who is selfish and moody sometimes. Someone who has taken Him for granted.
But He did. He loved me enough that no matter what I do or don't do, He still loves me. He loves me! And He loves you! What a thought!
So that brings me back to those traditions I haven't looked forward to this year. There is a girl, Amanda, who has been fighting cancer. I have been in contact with her through email and read her blog updates. We share a love of the music of Elliott Yamin and Blake Lewis (surprised?). And somehow God has allowed our lives to meet. She wrote a few days ago about how Christmas would be different for her this year, having to spend it in the hospital. But she also commented that Christmas is what you make it and that it is about Jesus. She is wise beyond her years.
So maybe, just maybe, God has allowed me not to be excited about all these "normal" Christmas traditions to bring my focus back to the One important thing. Jesus. We get so wrapped up in parties and gifts and travel and rarely take time to honor the One we should be celebrating. And if that is what He intended - to draw my focus back to where it needs to be - then I am thankful.
Christmas is not about all of these "things." It's about the One who came so we might have life and have it more abundantly! Yes, abundantly! That does not mean sitting around letting life pass you by. It means get out there and live!
So my prayer for you this Christmas is that as you spend time with your family and friends, as you give and receive gifts, as you sing those carols...remember to take some time to honor Jesus. Because without Him there would be no Christmas. There would be no life. There would be no joy.
I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas! And I hope the New Year brings you joy and peace and hope!
But this year has been different. I've hardly listened to Christmas music. I didn't send out cards. Even shopping for gifts this year was a chore. I haven't cooked a ton of food. It's just been weird. And it's not been me.
But as I sit to write this blog, I realize that, as important and fun as all those things are, they are not really, truly what Christmas is about. Those things and traditions are a part of Christmas...but they are not the reason for it.
I collect Nativity sets. I put as many out as I can each year at Christmas. And I'm afraid that at times, this year included, I have simply put them out as collectibles. I haven't taken the time to really think about what they represent. Oh, I know they depict the birth of Christ. But do I really take the time to think about what that really means? And sadly enough, I don't always do that.
This year I watched "The Nativity Story" for the first time. And I've watched it twice so far. It brought me back to the realization of what this season is all about. I watched the struggle that Mary and Joseph went through for this baby. I saw the faith that they both had, even in the midst of judgement from others. I saw the joy on their face when they realized that she had just given birth to the Savior. And I wanted that joy. That was the moment that touched me the most, that brought tears to my eyes. The realization that God - eternal, all powerful, great God - loved me enough to risk it all to come save me.
That is a powerful and awe-inspiring thing. He didn't have to do that. But He took on flesh, allowed himself to be totally dependent on two people who had no clue where life was going to take them. He chose not to be born in an age of convenience and electricity and running water and hotels. But He chose to enter this life in a tough and dangerous time and be born in a stable. There were no hospitals, no doctors or nurses, no epidurals. Nothing. Not even clean cloths to wrap Him in. Why? Why would He do that for someone like me? Someone who tries to live the best she can and tries to please Him, but who fails miserably every day. Someone who is selfish and moody sometimes. Someone who has taken Him for granted.
But He did. He loved me enough that no matter what I do or don't do, He still loves me. He loves me! And He loves you! What a thought!
So that brings me back to those traditions I haven't looked forward to this year. There is a girl, Amanda, who has been fighting cancer. I have been in contact with her through email and read her blog updates. We share a love of the music of Elliott Yamin and Blake Lewis (surprised?). And somehow God has allowed our lives to meet. She wrote a few days ago about how Christmas would be different for her this year, having to spend it in the hospital. But she also commented that Christmas is what you make it and that it is about Jesus. She is wise beyond her years.
So maybe, just maybe, God has allowed me not to be excited about all these "normal" Christmas traditions to bring my focus back to the One important thing. Jesus. We get so wrapped up in parties and gifts and travel and rarely take time to honor the One we should be celebrating. And if that is what He intended - to draw my focus back to where it needs to be - then I am thankful.
Christmas is not about all of these "things." It's about the One who came so we might have life and have it more abundantly! Yes, abundantly! That does not mean sitting around letting life pass you by. It means get out there and live!
So my prayer for you this Christmas is that as you spend time with your family and friends, as you give and receive gifts, as you sing those carols...remember to take some time to honor Jesus. Because without Him there would be no Christmas. There would be no life. There would be no joy.
I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas! And I hope the New Year brings you joy and peace and hope!
Saturday, October 20, 2007
God Speaking
I know I have said this a million times, but it just never ceases to amaze me how perfect God's timing is. My friend, Ruth, gifts me songs through iTunes every so often, and every time she does, I never download it right away. That may be perceived as procrastination (and those of you who know me well, know that is a possibility). However, I view it as God Speaking in His time.
Awhile back, Ruth sent me Mandisa's song "God Speaking." I had heard what a wonderful song this was, and I couldn't wait to hear it. But as usual, I didn't download it right away. So one night sitting at my computer, I remember the song and downloaded it. And it blew me away! The words were exactly what I needed to hear at that time. See...God's timing.
As I listened to the song, I thought about the many, many conversations I've had with my parents, Ruth and a couple of my other friends about how God speaks to us in unexpected ways. A lot of us live in a box and try to fit God into that box and go through life so selfishly and so unaware of what is around us. We are too concerned with our life and our desires and our needs that we don't take the time to look at other people and other things. And that is a shame.
As those of you reading my blog and who are close friends already know, I have been going through sort of a transformation over the last couple of years. A little over two years ago, I suffered from major depression and anxiety. I went to couseling, took some medication and changed a lot of things in my life. I made my salvation sure. And I began to throw away all of the "put God in a box" things I had been told my whole life and start anew and discover who God really was. And my life has changed so much for the better!
Instead of seeing the glass as half empty, I now see it as half full and actually expect it to fill back up. I try to look at the big picture and not let little trivial things bother me. I make an attempt to see others as God sees them and show them a little kindness. I've stopped worrying about screwing up every five minutes and have learned to live freely in the grace of God. And life has been so much more fun and free and worthwhile and, I believe, more of what God intended it to be.
I've also become more aware of little things around me. The purple wildflowers on the side of the road...God knows my favorite color is purple and knows the days I need a little beauty in my life, and call me crazy, but I believe He puts them there for me, to bring me a little joy. My favorite singer {Elliott Yamin...if you've been living under a rock for the last couple of years :) } will come on the radio unexpectedly....God knows his music brings a smile to my face, and call me really crazy, but I believe He knows the times I need a smile. My favorite resident (and yes, techinally I don't have favorites) asks to go eat lunch with me...the first time he has EVER asked anyone to go to lunch.....God knows the bond we have and what that meant to me to have him ask me that and gave him the words to say. Another friend and I have both felt this desire to do something more with our lives, to help more people and use our gifts in music and art to do so...and God has started slowly opening up doors to do that...and we can't wait to see how wide he busts all those doors open.
Now, not all of these examples nor all of the things God uses to speak to us or bring a smile or joy to our lives are of a "spiritual" nature per se, but is not God the Creator of all things? Can He not use whatever He wants to use to show us His love?
And that brings me to the lyrics of "God Speaking." This song says so much better what I've been rambling on and on trying to say. God will do and use whatever He wants to to let us know He loves us. After all, that is the central and most important message in scripture...God loves you! And He will go to the ends of the earth to show you that. I believe that is true because He does that on a daily basis with me. No matter what I've done or not done, no matter how bad I mess up, He still goes out of His way to show me He still loves me. Wow! No one else has ever or will ever be able to offer that kind of unconditional love. So I leave you with the lyrics to the song. I hope you will read over them, even download the song, and let it speak to your heart. And I hope you will take time out each day to seek out the little and common ways God is telling you how much He loves you! And take the time to share that love with each and every person you come in contact with.
God Speaking by Mandisa
Have you ever heard a love song
That set your spirit free
Have you ever watched a sunrise
And felt you could not breathe
What if it's Him
What if it's God speaking
Have you ever cried a tear that
You could not explain
Have you ever met a stranger
That already knew your name
What if it's Him
What if it's God speaking
Who knows how He'll get a hold of us
Get our attention to prove He is enough
He'll do and He'll use
Whatever He wants to
To tell us I love you
Have you ever lost a loved one
Who you thought should still be here
Do you know what it feels like
To be tangled up in fear
What if He's somehow involved
What if He's speaking through it all
Who knows how He'll get a hold of us
Get our attention to prove He is enough
He'll do and He'll use
Whatever He wants to
To tell us I love you
His ways are higher
His ways are better
Though sometimes strange
What could be stranger Than God in a manger
Who knows how He'll get a hold of us
Get our attention to prove
He is enough
Who knows how He'll get a hold of you
Get your attention to prove He is enough
He'll do and He'll use
Whatever He wants to
To tell us I love you
God is speaking
I love you
Awhile back, Ruth sent me Mandisa's song "God Speaking." I had heard what a wonderful song this was, and I couldn't wait to hear it. But as usual, I didn't download it right away. So one night sitting at my computer, I remember the song and downloaded it. And it blew me away! The words were exactly what I needed to hear at that time. See...God's timing.
As I listened to the song, I thought about the many, many conversations I've had with my parents, Ruth and a couple of my other friends about how God speaks to us in unexpected ways. A lot of us live in a box and try to fit God into that box and go through life so selfishly and so unaware of what is around us. We are too concerned with our life and our desires and our needs that we don't take the time to look at other people and other things. And that is a shame.
As those of you reading my blog and who are close friends already know, I have been going through sort of a transformation over the last couple of years. A little over two years ago, I suffered from major depression and anxiety. I went to couseling, took some medication and changed a lot of things in my life. I made my salvation sure. And I began to throw away all of the "put God in a box" things I had been told my whole life and start anew and discover who God really was. And my life has changed so much for the better!
Instead of seeing the glass as half empty, I now see it as half full and actually expect it to fill back up. I try to look at the big picture and not let little trivial things bother me. I make an attempt to see others as God sees them and show them a little kindness. I've stopped worrying about screwing up every five minutes and have learned to live freely in the grace of God. And life has been so much more fun and free and worthwhile and, I believe, more of what God intended it to be.
I've also become more aware of little things around me. The purple wildflowers on the side of the road...God knows my favorite color is purple and knows the days I need a little beauty in my life, and call me crazy, but I believe He puts them there for me, to bring me a little joy. My favorite singer {Elliott Yamin...if you've been living under a rock for the last couple of years :) } will come on the radio unexpectedly....God knows his music brings a smile to my face, and call me really crazy, but I believe He knows the times I need a smile. My favorite resident (and yes, techinally I don't have favorites) asks to go eat lunch with me...the first time he has EVER asked anyone to go to lunch.....God knows the bond we have and what that meant to me to have him ask me that and gave him the words to say. Another friend and I have both felt this desire to do something more with our lives, to help more people and use our gifts in music and art to do so...and God has started slowly opening up doors to do that...and we can't wait to see how wide he busts all those doors open.
Now, not all of these examples nor all of the things God uses to speak to us or bring a smile or joy to our lives are of a "spiritual" nature per se, but is not God the Creator of all things? Can He not use whatever He wants to use to show us His love?
And that brings me to the lyrics of "God Speaking." This song says so much better what I've been rambling on and on trying to say. God will do and use whatever He wants to to let us know He loves us. After all, that is the central and most important message in scripture...God loves you! And He will go to the ends of the earth to show you that. I believe that is true because He does that on a daily basis with me. No matter what I've done or not done, no matter how bad I mess up, He still goes out of His way to show me He still loves me. Wow! No one else has ever or will ever be able to offer that kind of unconditional love. So I leave you with the lyrics to the song. I hope you will read over them, even download the song, and let it speak to your heart. And I hope you will take time out each day to seek out the little and common ways God is telling you how much He loves you! And take the time to share that love with each and every person you come in contact with.
God Speaking by Mandisa
Have you ever heard a love song
That set your spirit free
Have you ever watched a sunrise
And felt you could not breathe
What if it's Him
What if it's God speaking
Have you ever cried a tear that
You could not explain
Have you ever met a stranger
That already knew your name
What if it's Him
What if it's God speaking
Who knows how He'll get a hold of us
Get our attention to prove He is enough
He'll do and He'll use
Whatever He wants to
To tell us I love you
Have you ever lost a loved one
Who you thought should still be here
Do you know what it feels like
To be tangled up in fear
What if He's somehow involved
What if He's speaking through it all
Who knows how He'll get a hold of us
Get our attention to prove He is enough
He'll do and He'll use
Whatever He wants to
To tell us I love you
His ways are higher
His ways are better
Though sometimes strange
What could be stranger Than God in a manger
Who knows how He'll get a hold of us
Get our attention to prove
He is enough
Who knows how He'll get a hold of you
Get your attention to prove He is enough
He'll do and He'll use
Whatever He wants to
To tell us I love you
God is speaking
I love you
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