Sunday, February 3, 2008

Roller Coasters

Roller coasters. Hate them! Well, usually. I'm afraid of heights (yet I love to go parasailing...go figure). And I hate not being in control of myself. So put those two things together, and you see why I hate roller coasters. I'm just not a fan of being thrown up and down and upside down at very fast speeds. And how can I be sure the track won't just spontaneously break apart? But, sometimes, if I garner my courage, I will ride a roller coaster. Why? Because I'm crazy? Well, yeah, that, too. :) But basically I sometimes ride them to prove to myself I can do it. And usually, after the ride is over, I'm not only proud of myself for actually doing it, but I also like the thrill of the ride. And I learn something about myself and those fears I had start to get smaller. I also learn that I can trust the engineer who designed and created the roller coaster.

Such is life. This life is one big roller coaster ride. Scary. Fun. Wild. Worth it. Life could be simple. No ups and downs. Just monotony. God could have created it to be that way. But He didn't. And while there are times that I wish He would, I'm so thankful He didn't.

A few weeks ago I was definitely in one of those lows. Work was crazy. I felt like if one more thing was asked of me I would just fall apart. I was tired. I was struggling with just a bunch of different things. I had a friend who was going through a hard time. Another friend was struggling with figuring out her direction in life. Another friend is fighting cancer along with dealing with the loss of a friend. It just seemed like one thing after another. And I questioned God. A lot.

Some people think it's wrong to question Him. But I believe He welcomes those questions. When life gets so out of control, who better to go to than God. I wondered why my friend was not only fighting her own battle with cancer but also had to lose a friend to the same disease. I wondered why my friend had to have heart broken yet again. I wondered about my job and if I was really making a difference. I wondered about this and a lot more. And God listened. He listened to my cries and prayers and screams.

During this time, a friend of mine posted a blog wondering about direction in life and wondering why God allowed certain things and why He didn't always let us in on the answers to the questions we ask. Would it make life any easier if we knew what was coming around the corner? If we knew what was going to happen next? But life isn't that way. Just like that roller coaster and the not knowing what is next on the track, life throws things at you that you don't expect. Sometimes those things are hard. They are difficult and bad and throw us for a stomach lurching loop. I responded to my friend's blog with this: I just wish sometimes God would send me a letter in the mail each week outlining everything. But I guess that's how we learn and grow. And I don't think I'd enjoy life as much if I did know the outcomes of stuff and knew what was going to happen before it happened...that would take away the not understanding the hard stuff. But it would also take away the excitement of surprises that lie just around the corner...and I don't want to miss that. :)So we take the good with the bad...and hopefully when all is said and done, the good will far outweigh the bad.

Sometimes those unexpected twists and turns are glorious surpises that knock our socks off. After the rough few weeks at work and the sadness of listening to the problems my friends were having and struggling with my own value and worth, God sent one of those stomach lurching turns that was exhilarating and fun!

If you don't know, I work as a music therapist (and run the expressive arts program) for a residential community for adults with intellectual disabilties. I have a resident who I connected with when I first started working there. He has Down's syndrome and is such a delight to work with...when he's not being stubborn. :) Over the last few years, he and I have connected and bonded over music. He loves music! His favorite thing to play in class is his lollipop drum, but he loves the guitar and piano as well. I've always noticed that he keeps a steady beat when he plays along to music, but I never really did anything with that. Until the last couple of weeks.

Back in December, I was privileged to go see Blake Lewis perform. {Yes, this is vital to the story and not just a blatant plug. :) I promise.} He performed with his drummer, KJ Sawka. After their performance, I was fortunate to get to meet them both and get pictures with them. It was a fun night, and I was giddy from getting to meet them but really thought nothing else about it. Then I found out that KJ had CD's of his own drum and bass music. I'd never really heard anything like this before, but I was intrigued and very impressed, so I bought his stuff. Well, a couple of weeks ago, my intern and I were talking and I thought about my resident and how he loves to drum. And I had the idea to try some of KJ's music with him. So I did, and it was amazing! My resident loved the music! He played complex beats. He smiled and danced. He just lit up! We set up the full drum set and let him play along on it. And wow! It was beyond words.

And that brings me back the exhilarating highs of life! Here I was, basically wondering if what I did every day made a difference. And then God surprises me to no end! Only God could take music from some guy in Seattle and turn it into an outlet for this resident to realize his full potential. And in turn use it to touch not only my life but also KJ, who was happy that his music could reach someone like that.

And I realized that as low as those lows can be and as hard as life sometimes gets, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Because it's those lows that make you appreciate the high times of life so much. The breakthrough with this resident couldn't have come at a better time. It not only showed me that I do make a difference every day, which is cool by itself. But it also showed me that, just as I can trust the engineer who designed those scary roller coasters, I can trust the God who designed me and created this roller coaster of life. And it showed me that my God is a God who delights in surprising me in the most amazing and jaw dropping ways!

I still hate roller coasters, but every now and then, if you're lucky, you can witness me actually ride one. And it is always worth it! I don't always like the twists and turns that life throws my way, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's what makes us who we are. We all have our stories that God weaves together into a beautiful tapestry. Only He can take a broken heart and use it to bring two friends closer. Only He can take a body ravaged by cancer and make it a testimony to His grace. Only He can take music created by someone a thousand miles away and use it to touch a person who the world views as a nobody. Only He can take a sinner and set them free.

One of my favorite verses if Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Last week I was updating my iPod and found an older song I had forgotten about. But God knew I needed to hear it, and I hope you will find comfort in its words, too. It is by Crystal Lewis entitled "Why". I pray you will rest in Him to keep you safe and secure in this roller coaster of life. And I hope you learn to enjoy and cherish each and every moment that life brings.

Why

My thoughts they overwhelm me, my mind cannot contain
The pain that is within me. Why?
I long for understanding, I live to know the peace
That comes from being sure of something
My eyes are blind to your ways, oh Lord.
Yet, I've seen you love and care, so

I'll rest in Your knowing though I may not know
I take on Your strength as though it were my own
Standing on the promises Your word for me provides
I find therein the answer to the question why

My complaint today is bitter, but sweet is Your reply
My questioning still lingers though, why
You know each road I travel down, my heart and Yours are one
I just don't see the good in all this
My eyes are blind to your ways, oh Lord.
Yet, I've seen you love and care, so

I'll rest in Your knowing though I may not know
I take on Your strength as though it were my own
Standing on the promises Your word for me provides
I find therein the answer to the question why


Through suffering and sorrow come peace beyond belief
For our present set of circumstances serve only to remind us
Of the gold we can't yet see

I'll rest in Your knowing though I may not know
I take on Your strength as though it were my own
Standing on the promises Your word for me provides
I find therein the answer to the question why

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