The Time In Between

Today as I was driving back from a visit home, I was blasting some music and singing at the top of my lungs and having a grand old time.  I love music.  It is my life.  I was born into a musical family and even chose a music based career (music therapy) as my life's work.  I find such power in music and am always amazed at how God can use a song that I've listened to over and over and over again and show me something new.

My last post was written out of a dark place where I just felt like I was watching everyone else receive the deepest desires of their heart while I just sat and got passed by.  Even though I'm in a much better place now, I still have moments where I feel that way.  However, today, driving back, God spoke to my heart through a song...as He often does.

I was listening to Francesca Battistelli.  I love her music and love to sing along to it.  A lot of her songs have powerful messages.  And one in particular had the message I needed to hear today.  "The Time In Between' is song that I have listened to and sung over and over.  I've always loved it, and I've listened and read the lyrics many times.  However, today was different.

The song talks about the importance of the time in between events...the time in between Jesus' birth and death and the time He spent in between the two thieves on the cross and how those moments shaped Christianity and our lives forever.  But it was the middle verse that stood out to me today.

As I've said before, Psalm 37:4 is one of my favorite verses and a promise of hope from God Himself.  It says that if we delight in the Lord He will give us the desires of our heart.  Now, I have studied this verse and thought of all the things it could mean...does it mean that He places the desires He has for us in our hearts or does he grant us the deepest desires we have for ourselves...and I believe it means a little of both.  I've prayed that God would place His desires in my heart and that He would give me those things I so desperately want.  Not things like material things...but things like a husband and children, things like a place where I can use music and counseling to help families affected by poverty and all that brings with it.  Things like those that are not simply material things but things that I feel I was placed here to do or be a part of.  And while I feel I'm on my way to some of those desires, there are others that seem so distant and make me wonder if I'll ever have them.

So back to the song.  Like I mentioned earlier, my last post was kind of dark and depressing.  But the devil has a way of attacking me in this area...by trying to tell me that Psalm 37:4 wasn't meant for me, by telling me that God is leaving me out of the happiness He bestows on others, by telling me I'm not worthy enough or good enough or pretty enough or thin enough or talented enough or whatever else I happen to be struggling with on any given day.  And he hits hard!  So today when I started singing along to the middle verse of this song, it was like God said, "see, I do have your best in mind and I WILL give you those desires in MY time and in MY way...even when you don't understand...and no matter what the devil tries to tell you, trust ME for every desire of your heart...both big and small."

See it's in these times of waiting that we grow and develop into the people God made us to be.  It's not easy, and it's not fun.  And I spend many days wondering what the purpose in the waiting is.  But just as the potter places the clay on the wheel and forms it and then has to fire it in the fire to make it shine, God is forming and molding and shaping me.  And even though I don't understand it or see it, there is a purpose in the waiting.  And I have a choice.  I can listen to the voice of the enemy or I can listen to the voice of my Father.  On good days, that's an easy choice.  But on those bad days, it's hard to drown out the lies and hear the truth.

The song says, "Don't take much for this crazy world to rob me of my peace.  And the enemy of my soul says You're holding out on me.  So I stand here lifting empty hands for You to fill me up again.  But it's the time in between that I fall down to my knees waiting on what You'll bring.  And the things that I can't see.  I know my song's incomplete so I'll sing in the time in between."

So here I sit...still waiting.  And waiting.  And waiting.  And I now that my song is incomplete...and until HE chooses to complete it, I'll keep singing.  And trusting.  And believing that He, who is my soul's deepest desire and who loves me more than I could ever comprehend, will bless me and fulfill me with every desire of my heart.